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在办公室里哭合不合适?

2014-01-21    来源:fortunechina    【      美国外教 在线口语培训

大约1/4的人(包括男性和女性)会在极度压力下流泪,这是自然的生理反应。那么,为什么人们依然认为哭泣是职场的一个禁忌呢?

Dear Annie: I am really embarrassed to even be asking this question, but I am in a quandary here and am hoping you (or your readers) can help. A couple of weeks ago, my boss gave me my year-end evaluation and it was a disaster. He explained that, while my work is "fantastic," I'm not getting a promotion I had been counting on because I am "too emotional" to move up to the next level of management. He was referring specifically to a couple of times when I was under extreme pressure and burst into tears with other people watching.

亲爱的安妮:提出这个问题,让我感到难堪,但我就是那1/4中的一员,希望你(或你的读者)能给我一些帮助。几周前,我的老板给我做了年终考评,那简直是一场灾难。他解释说,虽然我的工作“很出色“,没有给我一直期待的升职是因为我“太情绪化”,不能胜任更高一级的管理工作。他特别提到,有一、两次我在极度压力之下,曾经当众放声大哭。

Making matters worse, when he dropped this bombshell about the promotion on me, I teared up again. Right now, I'm the only female department head at my company, and I really hate reinforcing the old stereotypes about women being "weak" and "emotional," especially since I am not weak at all. But I have cried in stressful situations all my life. I can't seem to help it. Is there any way to fix this? —Waterworks

更糟糕的是,当他向我宣布不能升职这一出乎我意料的决定时,我的泪水又一次夺眶而出。我是我们公司目前唯一的一位女性部门主管。我讨厌人们总是强化女性“柔弱”、“情绪化”的僵化认知,特别是我根本就不柔弱。但我在极度压力之下总是会哭。我就是止不住泪水。有什么方法补救吗?——水弹

Dear W.: It might help a little to know that you've got plenty of company. In researching her new book, It's Always Personal: Navigating Emotion in the New Workplace, Anne Kreamer teamed up with ad agency JWT to survey a wide range of businesspeople (of both genders) about the role of emotion where they work. Among the many interesting findings: About 25% of the working population overall is made up of people who respond to extreme stress by crying. Among women, it's 41%.

亲爱的水弹:这个世界上有很多像你这样的人,知道这一点或许能让你感觉好一点。安妮•克里默在撰写她的新书《职场情绪管理》(It's Always Personal: Navigating Emotion in the New Workplace)时,曾与广告公司智威汤逊(JWT)合作,就“情绪在职场中的作用”对商业人士进行了广泛调查。 调查有很多有意思的发现,包括:约25%的职场人对极度压力的反应是哭泣。女性中这一比例更是高达41%。

"That's not to say that men don't cry under pressure. Of course they do," says Kreamer, who is a former executive vice president and worldwide creative director at Nickolodeon. "But there are physical differences. A man may start to tear up and then blink back his tears. Women have smaller tear ducts, so the tears are more likely to spill out onto their cheeks," where everyone can see them.

“这不是说男性不会在压力下哭。当然他们也哭,”曾担任Nickolodeon执行副总裁兼全球创意总监的克里默说。 “但(男性和女性的)身体反应有差异。男性可能会有眼泪涌上来,但他们可以通过眨眼来抑制泪水。女性的泪管相对较细,泪水更可能溢出流到脸颊上,”结果,大家都能看到她在流泪。

Nor is puddling up now and then necessarily a career killer. Don't believe it? Google "John Boehner crying." Nonetheless, and whatever you may think of Boehner's politics, he's certainly a success in his field.

好哭不一定会终结一个人的职业生涯。不信?用谷歌(Google)搜索一下“约翰•博纳哭”。无论你怎么看待(美国众议院议长)博纳的政治主张,他在这一领域都算得上相当成功。

Although showing emotion still carries a stigma in many workplaces, as you know only too well, Kreamer's research led her to believe that may be slowly changing, for three reasons. First, emotions have gained respect in just the past few years as an area of scientific inquiry. "This is really new," notes Kreamer. "We now understand the neurological and biochemical aspects of emotional responses, and how they affect every area of life, including decision-making." As a result, she says, "the old model of leaving your emotions at home and being totally logical at work is clearly just unrealistic."

虽然在很多工作场合喜怒形于色仍然被视为禁忌,你对这一点肯定很清楚,但克里默的研究令她相信这一点可能正在缓慢地发生变化,原因有三。第一,近些年来情绪作为一项科学探索领域,已获得更多尊重。“它真的很新,”克里默说。“如今我们从神经和生化角度理解情绪反应,以及它们对包括决策在内的生活各个方面造成的影响。”因此,她说:“把情绪留在家中,在工作中保持完全理性,这样的旧模式显然不现实。”

It's unrealistic for another reason, too. "Culturally, we've changed," Kreamer points out. "With the 24/7 technology we have now, we have stuff coming at us from all directions all the time, so that work and home are inextricably intertwined." Turning off or tamping down our emotions when switching our attention back and forth between the two realms is a skill that many have yet to master.

从另一个原因来看,这样做也是不现实的。“我们在文化层面上已经发生了改变,”克里默指出。“我们现在拥有每天24小时、每周7天的不间断科技服务,时时刻刻收到来自各方的信息。因此,工作和家庭更加不可分割地交织在一起。”在工作和家庭这两个场合不断切换时,关闭或抑制个人情绪对于很多人来说还是一项有待掌握的技能。
 
But the third reason why expressions of emotion are increasingly accepted in many workplaces is probably the most compelling. "Allowing emotions to be more out in the open is good for the bottom line," Kreamer says. Her book cites numerous studies showing, among other things, that a work environment that acknowledges emotion is more conducive to creativity and innovation, and expressing greater empathy and compassion at work leads to lower turnover and less absenteeism.

但为何在很多工作场合流露真性情已经越来越可接受的第三个原因可能也是最有说服力的一个原因。“允许情绪更加外露,从根本上是件好事,”克里默表示。她在新书中提到有无数研究显示,在众多因素中,一个接受情绪的工作环境更容易触发创造和创新,在工作场合表达更多的共鸣和同情还可以降低人员流失率,减少旷工。

But it seems higher-ups at your company have yet to get the memo about all that, so what can you do to control your waterworks? "You need to anticipate the triggers that cause you to cry," Kreamer suggests. "When you sense one coming, get up and go to the water fountain or the coffeepot or the bathroom. Just getting up and moving around can alter your body chemistry enough to stem the tears."

但似乎你所在公司的高管们尚未完全了解这些好处,那么你能做些什么来控制自己的眼泪呢?“你需要对那些可能引发你哭泣的因素有所预期,”克里默建议说。“当你觉得自己可能会流眼泪的时候,可以起身去倒杯水或咖啡或去趟洗手间。只要站起来走动一下,就能改变身体的反应,不再落泪。”

She also recommends that you "find a stress reliever you can do regularly -- whatever works for you, whether it's yoga or running or meditation." Anything that lowers the overall stress level in your life should help you control your reactions to especially tough moments.

她还建议,可以“找一种方式,定期释放压力——任何方式都可以,不管是瑜伽、跑步,还是冥想,只要对你管用。”任何方式只要能降低你在生活中感受到的压力总水平,就能帮助你控制自己的反应,特别是在感觉难以承受时。

At the same time, "take a very analytical look at your list of what triggers your crying," Kreamer advises. "Analyze what underlies the emotion. What is it that makes you feel overwhelmed? Is it a difficult colleague, a lack of resources, impractical deadlines? There may be something concrete there that you can try to fix." If there is, let your boss know what it is and make it clear that you're addressing the problem. (Given his assessment of your performance as "fantastic," he may even be willing to give you a hand with it.)

同时,“分析你列出的可能引发哭泣的因素,”克里默建议。“分析情绪背后的东西。是什么让你感到难以承受?是一位难以相处的同事,缺乏资源,还是最后期限不切实际?可能会有一些具体因素,你可以尝试修正。”如果有,让你的老板知道是什么,表明你在解决问题。(鉴于他对你的表现评价是“很出色”,他可能愿意帮你一把。)

Kreamer offers one further comment. "Are you sure you want to get promoted?" she asks. "Maybe that's what's stressing you." In a recent Harvard Business Review blog post, Kreamer made a persuasive case for having a clear idea of what success means to you, and then reaching a realistic decision about whether your current employer can offer it. Maybe if you worked somewhere else, or forged a different career path for yourself, the whole question of how to stop crying at work would be moot. Just a thought.

克里默最后还补充了一句。“你确定自己想要升职吗?”她问。“可能这就是你的压力所在。”近日,克里默在《哈佛商业评论》(Harvard Business Review)的一篇博文中就很有说服力地指出,首先要弄清楚成功对你意味着什么,然后现实地分析当前雇主是否能给你这些。也许你在其他地方工作或为自己选择一条不同的职业道路,就完全没有必要再讨论“如何避免在职场中哭泣”这个问题了。当然,这只是个人的一点想法。

Talkback: Are you a member of the 25% of the population that cries easily, or do you work with someone who is? What do you do about it? Leave a comment below.

反馈:你是人群中爱哭的25%之一吗?或者,你的身边有这样的一个人吗?你对此采取了些什么行动?欢迎在下面留言。



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