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笔译:自我意识——提高领导情商的关键

2014-09-30    来源:网络    【      美国外教 在线口语培训
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笔译:自我意识——提高领导情商的关键

笔译:在过去,一位领导者可能仅凭智商和专业技能就可以应付管理。而在当今日趋复杂的世界,人们对领导者的标准也水涨船高;如果想要赢得别人的尊重,领导者就需要不断提高自己的情商。

“If your emotional abilities aren't in hand, if you don't have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can't have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.

Daniel Goleman

“IQ is a major factor in deciding which profession you can get into. But once you are in that field, emotional intelligence emerges as a much stronger predictor of who will be most successful, because it is how we handle ourselves in our relationships that determines how well we do once we are in a given job.”

Daniel Goleman

A recent survey of 75 members of the Stanford Graduate School of Business Advisory Council rated self-awareness as the most important capability for leaders to develop. Executives need to know where their natural inclinations lie in order to boost them or compensate for them. Self-awareness is about identifying their own personal idiosyncrasies — the characteristics that executives take to be the norm-- but actually represent the exception.

Self-awareness is indeed very important for leaders, and is one of the five dimensions of “Emotional Intelligence” identified by Dr. Daniel Goleman, a leading expert on the subject of “EQ.” In the old days, perhaps a person in a position of responsibility could survive solely on the basis of their “IQ” and professional expertise. But in the complex world we now live in, where people have increasingly higher standards for those they follow, leaders are expected to continuously develop their EQ if they are to earn the respect of others.

Never heard of “Emotional Intelligence or “EQ?” Then I suggest that this article is going to be important for you!

Goleman’s 5 Dimensions of Emotional Intelligence include:

1. Self-awareness: literally ‘knowing yourself’

2. Self-regulation: managing yourself and your moods

3. Motivation: knowing what motivates you and what does not

4. Empathy: the ability to experience others as legitimate and valuable and identify with their struggles

5. Social skills: the ability to build rapport with others, whenever needed

We claim that Self Awareness is the ‘master key’ to Emotional Intelligence and that the other four of Goleman’s EQ elements all ultimately link back to Self-Awareness.
 
So in this article we are going to talk about three things regarding Self-Awareness:

• What is it really?

• How can you develop it?

• Why it is the absolutely essential “Master Key” for aspiring leaders

1. Self-Awareness: what is it really?

According to Mind Tools (http://www.mindtools.com/) “If you're self-aware, you always know how you feel, and you know how your emotions and your actions can affect the people around you. Being self-aware when you're in a leadership position also means having a clear picture of your strengths and weaknesses, and it means behaving with humility.”

That’s a good start but to really understand Self Awareness, you must go deeper than this. In our definition, Self-Awareness and “Other Awareness” are simply two sides of the same coin. The two are natural parts of the same process, just as Yin is part of Yang. “So what?” you ask! Well, think about this:

• If there were no ‘others’ it wouldn’t make any sense to talk about a ‘self’ at all…would it? As humans, we naturally experience our ‘self’ in relationship to others, whether they be colleagues, family members, or utter strangers.

• Those ‘others’ also experience their ‘self” only in relation to ‘others.’

• Therefore, Self Awareness and Other Awareness should not be separated: when we talk about one, we must talk about the other.

• For you emerging leaders: there is nothing more important than understanding your self, in order that you can understand others.

The good news in all this?As you deepen your insights into yourself, others stop seeming so mysterious and hard to understand. You will gain insight, empathy and confidence simply by working on your own Self-Awareness. What a deal!  And, since humans are at root, self-centered, most people are more than willing to looking in the mirror once in a while, right? But that kind of self-admiration and narcissism are NOT what we are writing about here. We are talking about you, willing to see the WHOLE picture of yourself, embrace it as it is, and start working with it. Ok, if you are ready, we can now answer the question “What is self awareness really?”

Self-Awareness includes:

• Knowing what you like, dislike and why: what motivates you and what demotivates you, being aware of your own values

• Being crystal clear about your talents and strengths AND your weaknesses

• Being conscious of the content of your own mind (not as common as you might think!)…the ability to observe your own thoughts

• Knowing your own beliefs and knowing which ones empower you and which ones should be discarded…including beliefs about yourself AND others

• Knowing your direction in life: where you are headed and why

• Knowing and appreciating your own unique value as a human being

Just looking at this list it should be easy to see that there is a great deal about which to be self-aware. And it follows that if these elements are on your list…they are also on everyone else’s list, right? And so these awarenesses are key to understanding yourself as well as others.

OK, we’ve answered the question “what is self-awareness really?” Let’s move to the second question.

2. How Can You Develop Self-Awareness?

The answer is both easy and difficult. The easy part of the answer is “get busy and start filling in the blanks, for yourself, regarding each of the above six elements of Self-Awareness.” The difficult part is that we humans are never ‘fixed and frozen’ or locked into a static way of being. We are a process, ever flowing, ever changing, evolving, alwaysemerging. As such, developing your self-awareness is a life long adventure, a journey, not a project for Thursday afternoon.

However there are some excellent tools to get you started on your journey:

• Take the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator assessment, a valuable psycho-metric tool for self-understanding: http://tiny.cc/e0rmmx

• Take the DISC personality assessment to understand what motivates you:http://tiny.cc/rdrmmx

• Study the Enneagram to learn your deeper motivations and pitfalls: http://tiny.cc/e8rmmx

• Do a Values Elicitation Exercise to understand you are really care about… and what you don’t. Email me and I can send you one (only have English at this time)

• Start a Daily Journal to capture what you learn from the above, writing down your thoughts, ideas and insights. Review it each week and each month. Keep doing this until the sun starts rising in the West.

• Take my “Belief Change Adventure” workshop: a great way to discover your beliefs and actually change the ones that no longer serve you.

A WORD OF CAUTION!Slow down, take a deep breath, relax. Great! Many people (because of faulty beliefs) assume that diving into Self-Awareness means they will find out a lot of bad, nasty or unhappy things about themselves. If that sounds like you, please discard this idea right now. Self-Awareness is about finding out who you really are and becoming more of who you really are. It is NOT a Witch Hunt! I promise you, as a long time resident of The Human Dimension, most of what you will discover is going to be treasure. Ok, you might find some junk…so just discard it! But never used these tools as a way to put yourself down.

Finally:NEVER use these tools to ‘compare’ yourself with others because that is self-defeating and pointless. You are you, so compare yourself with you. Self-Awareness is not a contest and there is no “one perfect way’ of being. Remember the saying in Chinese “when you compare yourself with others it just makes you angry!”

3. Why is Self-Awareness the “Master Key” for Leaders?

We said from the beginning that Self-Awareness is the most essential quality for effective leadership. This is simply because leaders lead…people! And to lead others, one must begin by leading oneself, on a journey of self-discovery and self-understanding. If you are willing to take this journey and make it a life-long practice, here is what will happen:

• You will develop deep empathy and compassion for other human beings, including total strangers.

• You will empower yourself, discarding old ideas and beliefs that no longer serve you and it will be easy for you to help others do the same.

• You will liberate your own potential, your deep passion, your inspiration and joy and you will become a magnetic leader that people will naturally want to follow.

• You will stop looking at people as ‘objects’ or ‘things’ to use and start seeing them as spiritual beings, just like yourself, with all the usual strengths and weaknesses, on a life-long journey of learning.

• You will discover that others, with their strengths and weaknesses act as mirrors for ourselves: when you are attracted to a trait you see in others it means you have that in yourself; when you find yourself focused on some other person’s faults…it means you have that in yourself.

• You will start experiencing others differently, focusing on their good points instead of their mistakes.

• Over time, you will develop true wisdom and insight and enjoy sharing it, not keeping it locked inside you.

• You will attract other self-aware people and find yourself on an upward spiral as a leader for others.

Now, looking at the above list…how many great leaders do you know that lack this way of experiencing themselves and other people? I don’t mean ‘dominators’ that just use power to get their way. Those are not true leaders at all. I’m talking about people who are influential, trusted and appreciated by those that follow them.

I promise you that if you start on the path of Self-Awareness your life is going to change in many positive ways. A self-aware leader is the only one who can truly lead. And now I want to leave you with a few quotes to stimulate your thinking:

“We are not human beings trying to become spiritual. We are spiritual beings, learning how to be human.” Teilhard de Chardin

“Know yourself and know others and in one hundred battles you will be victorious one hundred times.” Sun Dz

“The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second-best time to plant a tree is right now.” Confucius


“如果你没有足够的情商,没有自我意识,不能克服负面情绪,没有同理心也没有良好的人际关系,那么,无论你的智商多高,你都不会取得多么大的成就。”

——丹尼尔•戈尔曼

“决定你能否从事某一行业的主要因素是智商。但是,在你入行之后,决定你能否成功的更重要因素是情商。这是因为,你的工作表现取决于你如何处理工作关系,而如何处理工作关系取决于情商。”

——丹尼尔•戈尔曼

根据最近一项对斯坦福商学院顾问委员会(Stanford Graduate School of Business Advisory Council)成员的调查,75人均将自我意识列为成功领导者最为重要的一项能力。作为领导者,需要了解自己的脾性,扬长避短。自我意识关系到分辨自身特有的习性,而领导者往往将这种特性视为理所当然,可实际上只是特例。

自我意识对于领导者尤为关键,也是情商权威专家丹尼尔•戈尔曼博士认定的情商的五大维度之一。在过去,一位领导者可能仅凭智商和专业技能就可以应付管理。而在当今日趋复杂的世界,人们对领导者的标准也水涨船高;如果想要赢得别人的尊重,领导者就需要不断提高自己的情商。

如果你以前对所谓的“情商”不甚了解,那么我强烈建议你阅读本文,因为这对你将非常重要!

戈尔曼认定的情商的五个维度为:

1. 自我意识:也就是对自身的了解

2. 自我调节:控制自己的行为和情绪

3. 自我激励:知晓什么能够和不能激励自己

4. 同理心:能对别人的心态感同身受并认同别人的努力

5. 社交能力:能在任何情况下与他人达成默契

我们认为,在科尔曼认定的五大维度中,自我意识是万能之钥,另外四种最终均取决于自我意识。

因此,我们在本文中要探讨关于自我意识的以下三个问题:

• 自我意识到底是什么?

• 如何提高自我意识?

• 为什么说自我意识是领导者成功必需的“万能之钥”?

1. 自我意识到底是什么?

根据个人能力提升网站Mind Tools(http://www.mindtools.com/)的定义,自我意识是“总是知道自己的感受,懂得自己的情绪和行为对他人会造成何种影响;作为领导者,具有自我意识还意味着清楚自己的长处和不足,待人处事时保持谦虚”。

能做到这些,的确是一个不错的开端。但想要真正理解自我意识,就必须更加深入地了解它。在我们的定义中,自我意识和“他人意识”只是一体两面。如同阴阳相生,它们是同一过程中两个天然的组成部分。你一定会问:“那又如何?”呶,不妨思考一下以下问题:

• 如果没有“他人”,再说“自我”还有什么意义,不是吗?我们每个人不都是从与他人的交往中,无论是同事、家人或陌生人,自然而然地形成“自我”体验的吗?

• 这些“他人”也通过与“他人”的交往形成“自我”体验。

• 因此自我意识和他人意识不能分开而论:提及其一,则必须提及其二。

• 要成为领导者,首要的问题就是认识自己,然后才能理解他人。

了解这些就够了吗?如果你对自己的认识更加深入,别人在你眼中也不再那么神秘难测了。通过提高自我意识,你提高了认识能力、具备同理心,也赢得了信任。何乐而不为!而且,人的天性就是以自我为中心,大多数人更愿意时不时看看镜子中的自己,不是吗?但是这种自我欣赏或者说孤芳自赏的心态不是本文讨论的范围。本文要谈的问题是你,一个愿意并开始全面认识自我、认同自我的你。现在,如果你已经做好准备,我们就可以回答“什么是自我意识”的问题了。

自我意识包括:

• 知道自己喜欢什么,不喜欢什么,以及当中的原因:什么可以激励你,什么让你沮丧,认识自己的价值观

• 对自己的才能、优点和缺点了然于心

• 明白自己在想什么(并非你可能以为的那种“明白”!)……观察自己思想的能力

• 明白自己的信念,同时明白哪些可以带来力量,哪些应该抛弃……同时包括对自己和对他人的信念

• 明白自己的人生方向:你的目标是什么以及原因何在

• 认识并欣赏自己作为人类的独特价值

了解此清单,可以很容易看出有很多东西需要自我意识。由此可知,如果这些要素在你的清单上……它们同样也在其他每个人的清单上,不是吗?所以,这些认知对于了解自己和他人都是非常关键的。

我们已经回答了“什么是自我意识”这个问题。现在让我们进入第二个问题。

如何发展自我意识?

答案既简单又复杂。简单的部分是:“针对上述自我意识的六大要素,让自己逐一对照填补空白。”困难的部分则是,我们人类永远都不是“固定和僵化”的,或在一个静态的存在方式中不变。我们处在一个过程当中,它不停地流动、不停地变化、演变,不断涌现。因此,发展自我意识是一次漫长的人生冒险、一趟长长的旅程,而不是周四下午的一个短暂项目。

不过这里有一些容易让你开启思索旅程的不错工具:

• 进行MBTI心理类型测试,这是一种很有价值的自我认识心理测试工具:http://tiny.cc/e0rmmx

• 进行DISC性格测试,了解自己的动力是什么:http://tiny.cc/rdrmmx

• 研究九型人格,更深入了解自己的动机和误区:http://tiny.cc/e8rmmx

• 进行一次价值启发测试,了解自己真正关心什么……不关心什么。想要获得测试题,请通过电子邮件与我联系(目前只有英文版)

• 开始每天写日记,记录从上面所学到的知识,记下自己的思想、想法和观点。每周和每月翻看日记。坚持下去,直到太阳从西边出来。

• 参加我的“信念改变冒险”讲习班:发现自己信念,并真正改变不适合自己信念的好方法。

提醒!放慢速度,深呼吸,放松。非常好!很多人(由于错误的信念)认为进入自我意识,意味着将会发现自己很多糟糕、难以启齿或不愉快的事。如果这就是你,请马上抛弃这种想法。自我意识是为了发现自己真正是谁,并且成为一个真正的你。它不是巫术迫害!我向你保证,作为长久以来研究人类思维的研究者,你会发现多数东西都将是值得珍惜的。没错,你可能会发现一些垃圾……那就抛弃它!但千万不要用这些工具来贬低自己。

最后:绝对不要利用这些工具将自己和他人进行“比较”,这是自我挫败和毫无意义的。你就是你,所以只要和自己进行比较。自我意识不是竞赛,也没有存在的“完美方式”。记住中国有句谚语“人比人,气死人!”。

3. 为何自我意识是领导者的“万能之钥”

我们在本文开篇就说过,自我意识是有效领导的最重要品质。很简单,这是因为领导者带领的是人!要领导他人,必须先从领导自己开始,这是一条自我发现和自我理解的旅程。如果你愿意进入这一旅程,并且愿意终身践行,将会发生什么:

• 你将对他人,包括陌生人,抱有很深的同理心和同情心。

• 你将能让自己摒弃陈旧的观念和信仰,而且很容易帮助他人这样做。

• 你将释放自己的潜力,你的满腔热忱、灵感与欢乐,会让你成为一名散发着魅力的领导者,人们自然而然会追随你。

• 在终身学习的旅途上,你不会再将他人视为“物体”或“工具”来对待,而会逐渐意识到他们和你一样,都是有灵魂的人,也有着常人所有的优点和不足。

• 你会发现,他人的优点和不足将会成为自身的一面镜子:当你被他人的某个优点吸引时,这说明你自身也具有同样的优点;当你只注意到他人身上的不足时,也意味着你有同样的缺点。

• 你将开始以全新的方式与他人相处,更多地看到他人的优点而非缺点。

• 随着时间的推移,你将开发出真正的智慧和洞察力,懂得与人分享,而不是封闭自己。

• 你会吸引其他具有自我意识的人,还会发现自己的领导能力将进入螺旋式的上升周期。

现在,看看上面的清单……有多少伟大的领导者缺少这样认识自我、感受他人的经历呢?我所指的不是那些用权力得到一切的“统治者”。这些不是真正的领导者。我所说的是那些具有影响力,深受追随者信赖和欣赏的领导者。

我能承诺的是,如果你走上自我意识之路,你的人生将会发生很多积极的变化。一个有自我意识的领导者才能真正领导他人。现在我要用几句名言激发你的思考:

“我们并非试图拥有灵魂的人类。相反,我们是具有灵性而试图成长为人的存在。”——德日进神父

“知己知彼,百战不殆”——孙子

“种一棵树最好的时间是20年前,再就是当下”——古谚语

(财富中文网)



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