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斯妤《并非梦幻》英译

2015-06-30    来源:网络    【      美国外教 在线口语培训

斯妤《并非梦幻》英译

并非梦幻

斯妤

近来常常觉得不耐烦。不耐烦了便常常将在手的东西狠狠揉成团然后扔掉。有时是写了一半的稿子,有时是看了两行的报纸,有时是沾满油污的纸币。最害怕的是不耐烦时手中正在削水果,小刀未能揉成团,手心却已扎出淋漓鲜血。
尽管这样,尽管好几次揉了小刀,弄得鲜血淋漓疼痛难忍,却仍旧是恶习不改。不但不改,甚至日见发展起来。如今已是不耐烦时揉,不屑时揉,无聊时揉,无奈时揉,愤怒时揉,惊恐时揉,甚至无爱无恨无欲无悔万念俱灰时也揉。于是书房里卧室里到处可见皱巴巴的纸团皱巴巴的情绪了。

那天在一间空旷的房间里面对母亲。母亲坐在一张极高的桌上,满脸的疲惫与无奈。我匍匐在地,怯生生地诉说对她的爱与向往。母亲身旁立着六七个男人。他们全是我的兄弟但他们却都叉着腿一字儿排开。他们或横眉怒目或吃吃冷笑或不屑一顾。他们这些用来对付我的神情使我更加胆怯起来。我说到一半便忍不住打了个喷嚏。这一来我的倾诉顿时中断。因为我向来胆怯,这个喷嚏把我好不容易鼓起的勇气打了个精光。

这时我抬眼偷看了一眼母亲。我发现母亲仍旧闭着眼睛端坐高台,仍旧是满脸的疲倦与无奈。于是我骤然心疼起生身母亲来。我说娘你累了,你去休息吧我不再说什么了真的我是真爱你的呀!母亲听了我这话全无反应。于是我想母亲大概已经睡着那么我前面的倾诉她也没有听见了……就在我痴痴揣摩的当口,我听见我的兄弟大踏步走动起来。他们仍旧或横眉怒目或吃吃冷笑或不屑一顾,但他们确实大踏步走动起来。他们离开母亲向我走来。他们不再一字儿排开了,他们围拢我活像一群汹汹猛兽。

我惊恐地望着他们,他们却一齐吃吃冷笑起来。你的戏该收场了!一个声音恶狠狠地掷向我。我的心猛跳了一下。我知道这是我的大弟弟。他曾经射杀了一群狼并且将狼心一个个掏出来吃了。我不知道他要如何对待我。我说弟弟们别这样我是爱母亲爱大家的呀,你们为什么这样围着我?你们还是不肯相信我是吗我要怎样才能使你们相信?那好我把心呕出来给你们看吧你们看看这心是红还是白?

于是我把心提到嗓子眼,然后猛地一下将心呕了出来。我捧着自己的心感到一阵温热。我把这颗血淋淋活跳跳的心捧到每个兄弟面前,哀哀地求他们明鉴求他们了解。

然而我的兄弟却一齐纵声大笑起来。他们不但笑着他们还往我的心上吐口水。
 

你这个骗子你这个不肖子孙!兄弟们恶狠狠地咒骂我。

我知道自己不是骗子也不是不肖子孙。我也知道当母亲昏睡兄弟迷狂时我说什么也是枉然。于是我无可奈何起来黑色幽默起来万念惧灰起来……

你知道我一无可奈何一黑色幽默一万念俱灰就要将在手的东西揉成团狠狠摔掉———我果然立即将手中的心脏狠狠揉搓起来……

就在这时我听见自己尖叫了一声然后惊恐万状地醒来。我看见窗外的空地上堆满了积雪。我不由庆幸起来。我庆幸刚才的一切不过只是梦,庆幸我的心并没有被自己狠狠揉碎然后扔掉。

然而立刻我就觉得心里空空荡荡很不是滋味很像遗失了什么。我站起来想看看自己究竟怎么回事。可是我尚未站稳便听见一声巨响———我重重地摔倒在水泥地上……

几个小时后,白衣小姐沿着医院的长廊幽灵似的袅袅走来。她递给看护我的家人一份病情检查报告。我迅速扫了一眼,我看见那写有我名字的报告单上赫然地写着:

无心电图。

心室已空。

Unlike a Dream

Of late, I have often been restless, and when restless, I would crumple whatever I have in my hand at the moment and throw it away, be it an unfinished manuscript, a sheet of newspaper that I had started reading, or sometimes a soiled and greasy banknote. Sometimes my restless mood came on when I was peeling an apple, in which case the knife would refuse to crumple but would leave me with a bleeding hand.

My bad habit persisted, in spite of several bleeding encounters with the fruit knife. It even went from bad to worse from day to day, to the extent that nowadays when I was restless, or contemptuous, or bored, or frustrated, or angry, or frightened, I would crumple whatever I had in my hand. Or if I was in a mood, with no love no hate no desire no repentance, in a state of absolute despair, I would start crumpling. As a result, my study and my bedroom are littered with crumpled balls of paper and crumpled moods.

On that particular day in that spacious and empty room, my mother was facing me. Mother sat on a high table, tiredness and helplessness written all over her face. I was prostrated on the ground, timidly telling her my love and longing for her. Six or seven men stood next to her, standing with legs apart; they were my brothers. They knitted their brows menacingly, or curled their lips coldly, or looked at me contemptuously. Their attitudes made me even more timid. I couldn’t help sneezing in the middle of my recital. My words were rudely interrupted, and being naturally timid, the bit of courage that I had mustered up for the occasion was scattered to the winds.

I raised my head and glanced furtively at mother. I saw her still sitting upright on that high table, eyes closed, tiredness and helplessness written all over her face. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with pity for the mother who gave me birth. I said mother you are tired please go and rest I am not going to say anything again really I won’t I really love you I do! Mother listened to my words without the slightest reaction. I thought mother must be asleep and therefore had not heard a word of what I had been saying before… As I was painfully pondering this point, I heard my brothers moving about noisily. They knitted their brows menacingly, or curled their lips coldly, or looked at me contemptuously, but they were decidedly moving in big strides. They moved away from mother and walked toward me. They were not standing in a row anymore, they surrounded me like a pack of wild animals.

I looked at them in alarm, but they laughed maliciously. Your act is over, someone spat the words at me. My heart leaped. I knew it was the eldest of my younger brothers. He had machinegunned down a pack of wolves, then ripped out and gobbled up their hearts! I didn’t know what he was going to do with me. I said brothers please don’t I love mother I love you all why are you surrounding me like this? Do you mean you don’t believe me what can I do to convince you? All right I’ll show you my heart you can judge whether my heart is red or white.

Then I heaved and lifted my heart to my throat, and with one single move of a finger I ripped out my heart. I held my heart in my hands and felt its moist warmth. I presented this throbbing live heart to each of my brothers in turn, begging them to view it fairly, begging for their understanding.

But my brothers laughed outright, they not only laughed, they all spat at my heart.

You liar, you unworthy descendent, my brothers continued to revile me.

I knew that I was not a liar, nor an unworthy descendent. I also knew that when mother is in a stupor of sleep and my brothers in a roaring fury, there is nothing I can say. And therefore I took refuge in frustration, took refuge in black humor, took refuge in despair…

You know that the minute I am lost in frustration, lost in black humor, lost in despair, I will crumple whatever it is I am holding in my hand and throw it away. So I immediately crumpled up my heart…

Just then I heard myself scream and woke up shaking with fear. From the window I could see that the empty lot was covered with snow, I congratulated myself, I congratulated myself that what had happened was but a dream, congratulated myself that I had not crumpled up and thrown away my heart.

But I felt an emptiness in my heart, an uneasy feeling, as if I had lost something. I wanted to stand up to examine what was wrong with me. But before I was able to stand up, I heard a loud explosion, and I fell heavily on the cement floor.

A couple of hours later, a white-clad young lady glided toward me like a ghost along the corridor of the hospital. She handed a medical report to the family member watching by my side. I took a quick look. On the sheet of the report I saw under my name the words staring out:

Nothing on the EDG

The atrium of the heart is hollow.

( 朱虹 译)



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