用户名: 密码: 验证码:    注册 | 忘记密码?
首页|听力资源|每日听力|网络电台|在线词典|听力论坛|下载频道|部落家园|在线背单词|双语阅读|在线听写|普特网校
您的位置:主页 > 英语能力 > 翻译 > 笔译 > 练习材料 > 其他 >

浅谈翻译二十讲:第十九讲《鹿鼎记》英译本学习札记

2015-07-24    来源:en8848    【      美国外教 在线口语培训

浅谈翻译二十讲

《鹿鼎记》英译本学习札记

【庄绎传】

男,汉族,山东济南人,中共党员,教授。毕业于北京外国语学院英语系(1954年本科毕业,1957年研究生毕业)。

现任北京外国语大学高级翻译学院教授、中国翻译工作者协会理事、文学艺术翻译委员会委员、《中国翻译》编委。
 
庄绎传教授,以一个长辈,过来人的身份,用亲切的口吻简述了自己对翻译的看法。内容充实丰富,举例典型生动。全文共二十讲。

【第十九讲】《鹿鼎记》英译本学习札记


最近看到牛津大学出版社1997年出版的一本书,题目是《The Deer And the Cauldron》,作者是Louis Cha,译者是John Minford. 这位译者,虽不认识,却很熟悉,因为读过他和David Hawkes合译的《The Story of the Stone》(《红楼梦》)。我还知道他在香港理工大学(Hong Kong Polytechnic University)任教。但我没有想到他又将这本书译成了英文,把书打开一看,我立刻被那流畅的译文吸引住了,句子都是地道的英文。于是我就想去找一本中文原文,对照着学一下,一定会提高自己的翻译能力。

中文本很快就找到了。那不是别的书,正是鼎鼎大名的金庸所著的《鹿鼎记》。这中文本虽然比不上英文本印刷精良,那文字却是极好的,句句都是地道的中文,而且处处散发着传统的章回小说的气息。

这时我脑子里就产生了一个问题,译者是怎样把这地道的中文变成地道的英文的呢?可能你对这个问题也感兴趣。那我们就一起从头读一读吧。

1. 北风如刀,满地冰霜。

2. 江南近海滨的一条大路上,一队清兵手执刀枪,押着七辆囚车,冲风冒寒,向北而行。

3. 前面三辆囚车中分别监禁的是三个男子,都作书生打扮,一个是白发老者,两个是中年人。后面四辆中坐的是女子,最后一辆囚车中是个少妇,怀中抱着个女婴。女婴啼哭不休。她母亲温言相呵,女婴只是大哭。囚车旁一名清兵恼了,伸腿在车上踢了一脚,喝道:“再哭,再哭!老子踢死你!”那女婴一惊,哭得更加响了。

Along a coastal road somewhere south of the Yangtze River, a detachment of soldiers, each of them armed with a halberd, was escorting a line of seven prison carts, trudging northwards in the teeth of a bitter wind. (1) In each of the first three carts a single male prisoner was caged, identifiable by his dress as a member of the scholar class. One was a white-haired old man. The other two were men of middle years. The four rear carts were occupied by women, the last of them by a young mother holding a baby girl at her breast. The little girl was crying in a continuous wail which her mother's gentle words of comfort were powerless to console. (2) One of the soldiers marching alongside, irritated by the baby's crying, aimed a mighty kick at the cart. (3)

"Stop it! Shut up! Or I'll really give you something to cry about!"

The baby, startled by this sudden violence, cried even louder. (4)

原文每一段前面的编号,是我为了叙述方便而加的。我一共取了六段原文。译成英文就成了十三段了。这里面有合有分,主要是分,一个重要原因是英文喜欢把对话与叙述分开,而且各人的话都独立成段。因此译文的段落与原文的段落是不对应的。

我在译文里需要说明的地方加了注号。下面我就以注释的形式来谈一谈我的学习体会。

注1. 原文第1段只有一句话,而且很短,但里面包含两个分句,讲的都是自然条件。作者的意图大概是借以烘托气氛吧。这一段,译者没有单独处理,而是把它揉在下面一句话里,其中有in the teeth of a bitter wind,放在句末。至于他为什么这样处理,我也说不好。我想也许是外国人写书喜欢开门见山,于是我就找了几本书看了看。

卡夫卡的《城堡》是这样开始的:

It was late evening when K. arrived. The village lay under deep snow. There was no sign of the castle hill, fog and darkness surrounded it, not even the faintest gleam of light suggested the large castle. (Franz Kafka, The Castle)

迪内森的《走出非洲》是这样开始的:

I had a farm in Africa, at the foot of the Ngong Hills. The Equator runs across these highlands, a hundred miles to the North, and the farm lay at an altitude of over six thousand feet. (Isak Dinesen, Out of Africa)

帕斯捷尔纳克的《日瓦戈医生》是这样开始的:

On they went, singing "Rest Eternal", and whenever they stopped, their feet, the horses, and the gusts of wind seemed to carry on their singing. (Boris Pasternak, Dr. Zhivago)

这三个例子选自不同的欧洲国家的文学作品,但都是先说什么人做什么事,然后再说周围的环境。这也算是个参考吧。

原文第2段也只有一句话。主语是“一队清兵”,后接四个并列谓语,其中最主要的应该是“押着七辆囚车”。译文就突出了这一点,用句子的主要动词来表示,译作was escorting a line of seven prison carts。“手执刀枪”译作同位语加分词短语,即each of them armed with a halberd,语法家可能管这种结构叫“独立结构”。“向北而行”译作分词短语trudging northwards。“冲风冒寒”译作介词短语in the teeth of a bitter wind,作状语。总之,原文是并列结构,译成英文成了主从结构。

注2. 这句译文的原文是两个句子,先说女婴啼哭,接着说母亲温言相呵,最后又说女婴大哭。因此,说原文用了三个并列的主谓结构也未尝不可。译文用了一个which引导的定语从句,这就避免了重复一个“哭”字,也避免了连续更换主语的毛病。译文用的console一词,非常之妙,将母女之情表现得淋漓尽致。我们可能会用stop,那就大为逊色了。

注3. 这一句的原文,主语是“一名清兵”,后带三个并列谓语,其中最主要的是“踢了一脚”。译者就把第一个谓语译作分词短语irritated by the baby's crying。下面的引语,译文另起一段,“喝道”二字也就不一定译了。此外,“囚车旁”译得很妙。若是静止状态,可译作beside the cart,但此处说的是车队行进中的情况,故译作marching alongside,这样译,也免得重复cart一词。

注4. 这一句的原文,主语是“女婴”,后接两个并列谓语。译者又把第一个谓语译作分词短语startled by this sudden violence,整个句子紧凑而生动。细想一下,此句中的“一惊”,和前面一句中的“恼了”,都表示原因,和后面的动作有因果关系,因此译为分词短语是十分恰当的。这句译文如用并列结构,译作The baby was startled by this sudden violence and cried even louder,就逊色多了。

此外还有一点值得注意。原文第3段后半段,“女婴”一词先后出现四次。译文用了a baby girl,the little girl和the baby等三种译法。中文“女婴”一词只有两个字,两个音节,重复几次,不觉得有何不妥。英文则不行,a baby girl,the baby girl,重复起来,就觉得受不了。可见替代之法(substitution) 在这里还是有用的。

4. 离开道路数十丈处有座大屋,屋檐下站着一个中年文士,一个十一二岁的小孩。那文士见到这等情景,不禁长叹一声,眼眶也红了,说道:“可怜,可怜!”

Under the eaves of a large house, some hundred yards from the road, a middle-aged scholar was standing with a ten- or eleven-year-old boy at his side. (5) He was evidently affected by this little scene, for a groan escaped his lips and he appeared to be very close to tears.

"Poor creatures!" he murmured to himself. (6)

注5. 这一句原文有两个并列分句,先说某处有座大屋,再说檐下站着两个人。叙事的顺序可以说是由远及近。译文则从Under the eaves开始,然后再处理第一个分句里的内容of a large house, some hundred yards from the roads。原文“站着一个中年文士,一个十一二岁的小孩”,也是并列结构,而译文却是with a ten- or eleven-year-old boy at his side。这样,原文的并列结构就变成了译文的主从结构,突出了a middle-aged scholar。

注6. 原文主语是“那文士”,后面带四个谓语。译文突出第一个谓语,然后用for引出两个从句,最后另起一段处理引语。

5. 那小孩问道:“爹爹,他们犯了什么罪?”那文士道:“又犯了什么罪?昨日和今朝,已逮去了三十几人,都是我们浙江有名的读书人,个个都是无辜株连。”他说到“无辜株连”四字,声音压得甚低,生怕给押送囚车的官兵听见了。那小孩道:“那个小女孩还在吃奶,难道也犯了罪?真没道理。”那文士道:“你懂得官兵没道理,真是好孩子,唉,人为刀俎,我为鱼肉,人为鼎镬,我为麋鹿!”

"Papa," said the little boy, "what have they done wrong?" (7)

"What indeed!" said the man, bitterly. "During these last two days they must have made more than thirty arrests. All our best scholars. And all of them innocents, caught up in the net," he added in an undertone, for fear that the soldiers might hear him. (8)

"That girl's only a baby," said the boy. "What can she possibly be guilty of? (9) It's very wrong."

"So you understand that what the Government soldiers do is wrong," said the man. "Good for you, my son!" He sighed. "They are the cleaver and we are the meat. They are the cauldron and we are the deer." (10)

注7. 英语除了先出引语,后出说话人,还经常把一句引语分成两截,把说话人插在中间。

注8. All our best scholars. And all of them innocent...都是省略句。这在口语里是常见的。这样译正体现了口语的特点。此外,原文“生怕……”在结构上是前面谓语的并列谓语,但其含义是说明压低声音的原因。因此译文用介词短语加that从句for fear that...,这在句子里叫状语,表示原因。

注9. 原文“那个小女孩还在吃奶,难道也犯了罪?”前半句是陈述句,后半句是疑问句,可以放在一起。英语则不然,前半句和后半句在文字上没有联系,便要分成两句。在陈述句后加句号,问题另起一句。像中文那样用逗号把它们连在一起是不行的。

注10. 最后两句译文中间都加了and。请注意,我们自己译的时候,不要把它丢掉。

6. 那孩子道:“爹,你前几天教过我,‘人为刀俎,我为鱼肉’,就是给人家斩割屠杀的意思。人家是切菜刀,是砧板,我们就是鱼和肉。‘人为鼎镬,我为麋鹿’这两句话,意思也差不多么?”那文士道:“正是!”眼见官兵和囚车已经去远,拉着小孩的手道:“外面风大,我们回屋里去。”当下父子二人走进书房。

"You explained 'they are the cleaver and we are the meat' the other day, papa," said the boy. "It's what they say when people are massacred or beheaded. Like meat or fish being sliced up on the chopping-board. (11) Does 'they are the cauldron and we are the deer' mean the same thing?"

"Yes, more or less," said the man; and since the train of soldiers and prison carts was now fast receding, he took the boy by the hand. (12)

"Let's go indoors now," he said. (13) "It's too windy for standing outside."

Indoors the two of them went, and into his study.

注11. it's和泛指的they都是口语里常用的说法。Like meat and fish being...也是省略句。这都体现了口语的特点。叙事像叙事,对话像对话,不是很容易做到的,值得注意。

注12. train一词很有用,我们往往想不起它来。它可以指a number of people or animals moving in a line,也可以指a series of events or actions that are connected,用在这里是很恰当的。

此外,“拉着小孩的手”不要译作He took the boy's hand,那是中国式的英文,He took the boy by the hand,这才是地道的英文。

注13. 从原文第4段到第6段,“文士”一词共出现五次。第一次出现时译为scholar,随后便不再重复这一译法,而交替使用he (his, him)和the man。这一点,你注意到了吗?



顶一下
(1)
50%
踩一下
(1)
50%
手机上普特 m.putclub.com 手机上普特
[责任编辑:katherine]
------分隔线----------------------------
发表评论 查看所有评论
请自觉遵守互联网政策法规,严禁发布色情、暴力、反动的言论。
评价:
表情:
用户名: 密码: 验证码:
  • 推荐文章
  • 资料下载
  • 讲座录音
普特英语手机网站
用手机浏览器输入m.putclub.com进入普特手机网站学习
查看更多手机学习APP>>