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悉数14种乘飞机的“怪咖”邻坐

2014-06-09    来源:英语点津    【      美国外教 在线口语培训

The 14 people you don't want to sit next to on a plane

Let me begin by promising you that I am not an angry person. I would actually vow that I am inherently happy and all-around quite friendly and nice. But one thing that really grinds my gears, is being seated next to a nightmare neighbor on an airplane.

The Nighttime Cuddler
Airplane seats are uncomfortable, restricting and not equipped to be shared, so watch out when your unconscious neighbor slowly tilts his or her head in your direction. Depending on how deep the dreamer, you could be in for a game of seesaw as you attempt to politely prop up your sleeping beauty. When all else fails, place an airplane blanket or neck pillow between the two of you because, well, it’s better than sharing your shoulder.

The Guy Watching Porn on His Phone
This man may not be a threat to homeland security, but he is certainly terrorizing your rights and his dignity. Committing lewd, indecent or obscene acts in public aboard an aircraft will land this one in handcuffs, so you need to remove the threat. Do your duty and well, be a tattletale. If a person can’t last a flight without his precious porn, no one wants to imagine what he was doing in the bathroom—or even worse, under that over-sized laptop. Eek!

The ADD child
It’s not cutewhen a stranger’s little chatterbox is looking to make a friend on the plane… at 3 a.m. It might make you the Grinch from 10,000 feet above sea level, but throw on your snooze mask before the kid has a chance to make eye contact.
He’s not so innocent.

The Snorer
As painfully obvious as the snorer is on this list of nightmares, he or she is equally as hard to spot. You will already be strapped in and mid-air before this literal loud mouth assaults the quiet air. The real question in this situation is: to tap, or not to tap? There’s nothing worse than being startled awake, so we suggest gently nudging this person and then quickly pretending it wasn’t you, or blaming it on someone else. “Oh, the snacks were coming around, they wanted to know if you wanted some Pop Chips!”

The Arm Rest Hog
No one likes when his or her personal space is being invaded and the guy or gal who thinks they own the air rights to your armrest does just that. If you find yourself at a standstill and left with only a sliver to rest your elbow, wait for the right moment and then really commit. As soon as he or she grabs for their drink, gets up to go to the bathroom or even reaches up to cover their mouth for a sneeze, swoop right on in there and stand your ground.

The Talker
Earplugs. This Chatty Cathy might be looking to make a friend, find a romance in the air or just wants tell you all about how her daughter just moved to Chicago and is “loving it!” Whatever the motive, this person genuinely wants to make some sort of sky-high connection and is sure to be so taken aback by your rude, uninterested behavior that she will shut down. Arm yourself with something to drown out the sound so you can send a signal that this plane ride is all about sleeping.

The Smelly Food Eater
Ever since airlines raised prices and lowered options for in-flight meals, travelers are boarding with bagged lunches or dinners more and more often. We totally support saving money and being prepared, but we can’t support food that tickles our senses. Be polite and opt for cold or room-temperature bites. Eat early on in the flight and dispose of your trash quickly.

The Diva
Here is one frequent flier you actually can spot from a mile away. She’s toting designer luggage (and needs your help storing it), expects everyone on the plane to work for her and is the last to switch her cell phone into Airplane mode. You have two options: be a good Samaritan and assist her when she asks things of you, like showing her how to buy the rom-com being offered as the in-flight movie; or steer her towards her other neighbor. It won’t drown her out, but it will make her someone else’s problem!

You need to make her someone else’s problem.

The Excessive Drinker
There’s nothing wrong with slurping down a nice, stiff drink, but if you aren’t headed to Vegas, an in-flight over-imbiber isn’t cool. This hazard can escalate quickly: it’s loud, violates your personal space and is likely to leave in its wake a zonked-out and unwelcome cuddler (see above), unaware excretion spewer (see below) or even worse (uh, use your imagination). Make friends with a flight attendant and make sure this wasted rider gets cut off before the fourth drink.

The Frequent Bathroom-Goer
Picture this: after a bumpy take-off, you quell your nerves and rest your eyes before falling away into a deep and comforting sleep (ahh) – and then the person next to you needs to use the bathroom. No one should have to sit in pain with a suffering bladder, but there is a certain etiquette if you need to go more than the average person. Make sure to visit the little boy’s room before takeoff and take advantage of moments when your seatmates are alert, or at least awoken by the flight attendants. When in doubt, find your inner track star and jump on over!


The In-Flight Primper
She seems like your average gal and then an hour before touch-down her in-flight tray looks like her bathroom counter. She’s doing her nails (oh that smell!) and trying to apply mascara through turbulence. And then she drops her lipstick on your jeans and asks you if you think she looks pretty. Just say yes. It’s easier than the truth.

The Mile-High-Club Couple
But if you frequently fly first class or often find yourself seated next to a bathroom, you’re sure to eventually encounter this simultaneously disappearing twosome. They’re the PDA-lovin’ couple who can’t keep their hands off one another, flirty strangers hitting it off in the front of the plane or bucket-list seekers trolling Virgin airline’s in-flight chat system will absolutely hog the bathroom, create an awkward air in the air for aware passengers – and leave you with one helluva story to tell your friends once you land.

If only you could tell them to get a room.

The Terrified Traveler
Everyone sympathizes with someone who is flat-out terrified, but handling a panic attack was not on this flight agenda. The fearful flier will probably be over-prepared as they chomp five pieces of gum during takeoff, clutch their over-sized water bottle to their chest and scan the aircraft with a look that screams, “Is this normal?!” The kindest thing you can do for this scared soul is to share your sleeping pills, especially if turbulence hits.
It may be time to buy her a drink.

The Plane Farter
You think we don’t know who you are, but we do! We’ve all heard your rationale: you think you are safe because the loud noises of the plane will drown out the loud noises coming from your seat cushion. But we can spot that overly satisfied look on your face as you lean in one direction before getting all comfy and snuggly in your seat. And, oh—that smell! Let us tell you something, mister, or sister: an airplane is asharedspace. For the love of flying, mind your manners!

相关内容

首先我要澄清一点:我天生是个乐观友善的人,不易发怒。但令我忍无可忍的是,在飞机上遇到“怪咖”邻座。如若遇到以下14种人,你确实是时运不佳。
1.“睡美人”
邻座熟睡时总会不知不觉把脑袋往你身上靠,你却像玩跷跷板似的,小心翼翼撑住这个“睡美人”。无计可施时,拿毯子或枕头挡在中间,总好过分享你的肩膀。

2.看色情片的家伙
这种人不顾尊严,威胁着你的权利。你大可尽责告发他。没人愿意想象这种人在卫生间里做什么,更不敢想象在这种超大笔记本电脑下面……唷!

3.多动症儿童
凌晨3点,身边的陌生小孩却准备打开话匣子,一点也不可爱。你只能装睡,不让他(她)有机可趁。
他可没表面看来这么天真无邪。

4.打鼾者
当你隔壁鼾声阵阵时,你要不要拍醒他(她)?没什么比被惊醒更糟糕了,建议你拍醒他(她),然后假装若无其事,或推说乘务员来过。

5.霸占扶手者
没人喜欢私人空间被侵犯。如果你的扶手被霸占,就等待时机夺回“领地”。一旦你的邻座起身离开,或把手拿开,你就得把握机会,坚守“阵地”。

6.话痨
碰到这种情况,耳塞是首选。武装自己,同时传递一个信息:飞机是睡觉的地方。

7.怪味食客
现在带餐登机的旅客越来越多。但请别带有刺激性气味、冒着热气的食物,并在飞机上尽早吃完,立即处理垃圾。

8.“大牌女神”
这些飞行常客总是指望飞机上所有人都为她服务。你可以选择当好人做好事;也可以把这包袱踢给别人,自然有人领受。
把做好事的机会留给别人。

9. 酒鬼
在飞机上适度喝点酒也无可厚非,但过度饮用就不是什么妙事了,各种状况叫你不得安宁。建立与乘务员的友好关系,以确保邻座喝酒不超过三杯。

10. 尿频者
飞机颠簸地起飞后,你闭目养神准备安稳睡一觉,这时旁边的人起身上卫生间,作何感想。不是说要憋着,但你可以在不打扰邻座休息时去。

11. 空中化妆者
飞机着陆前,身边这位姑娘就会搬出她的“化妆台”。指甲油、睫毛膏,气味刺鼻,还将口红掉你裤子上。她问你她漂不漂亮,就说漂亮,这比说实话省事。

12. 高空性爱男女
经常坐头等舱或卫生间旁,你一定会遇到这种情况:如胶似漆的夫妻或情侣、一见钟情的旅友或旅途寻欢者霸占着卫生间,营造一个令其他乘客尴尬的氛围。
真希望能叫他们去开个房。

13.飞行恐慌者
飞行恐慌者会在起飞时嚼5颗口香糖,胸口紧握超大号水瓶,不安地四处扫视。这时你最好拿几颗安眠药安慰这个惶恐的灵魂,尤其是飞机颠簸的时候。
这时候应该请她喝一杯。

14. 空中放屁者
你以为飞机的噪音可以掩盖你座垫下发出的声音,但我们看到你歪向一边时脸上舒畅的表情就知道:是你!臭气熏天!飞机是公共场所,请注意你的举止!



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