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双语阅读:不伤感情,10种拒绝别人的方式

2015-01-26    来源:财富中文网    【      美国外教 在线口语培训
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 双语阅读:不伤感情,10种拒绝别人的方式

你是不是即使忙得焦头烂额,也经常会答应一些根本没时间完成的请求,只因担心损害人际关系或者影响未来的合作?你需要向一些强有力的领导者学习说不的艺术,有原则地给出承诺。

Every entrepreneur I know can’t find enough hours in a day to do the good things they want, and yet they often find themselves saying yes to new requests. Perhaps because they are optimists by nature, or they just hate to disappoint others, they end up hurting their health, credibility and effectiveness by not being able to deliver on everything they promise.

In addition to saying yes too often, some entrepreneurs under pressure say no poorly, by attacking the requestor or by avoiding any definitive response. Either of these approaches always make a difficult situation worse, often leading to guilt or a later accommodation.

A successful entrepreneur must be accountable for all commitments, and manage expectations to make this possible. So here are some tips I have learned over the years from strong leaders that can help you say no without damaging current business relationships or future opportunities:

1. Establish boundaries and honor them for all to see

Let your constituents know your priorities and limits. Don’t continually break your own rules about when you are available or what requests are acceptable. Your actions must match your words, so don’t say yes when you mean no.

2. Ask for time to check your calendar

It’s an acceptable business practice to review your schedule or converse with other principals before committing to an answer. Don’t respond with a quick yes that you can’t deliver, or a quick no that will ruin a relationship. In all cases, it’s important to commit to a date or time for a final yes or no.

3. Give credence to your initial instinct


Recognize that your brain and your body often register information that is more accurate than an optimistic emotional reaction, or a negative reaction after a long hard day. Take a deep breath, clear your mind of any external distractions, and analyze your gut reaction before providing any answer.

4. Voice both the pros and cons to a trusted cohort

Speaking the considerations out loud will help you make sure you understand the full implications of either a yes or a no answer. Every yes answer increases your workload, and every no answer may cut off an opportunity you need down the road. Talking it out also buys you time.

5. Explore the possibility of a reciprocal favor

This will help the requester understand the impact of the request, and potentially reconsider. In other cases, you may actually get back more than you give up. Every yes should be a win-win proposition, just like strategic partnerships can bring huge growth to both businesses, despite the work.

6. Explain your constraints before saying no

Rejection without giving context implies an unreasonable request or a problem with the requestor. People making a request may not understand your budget limitations, current workload or competitive pressures. In this context, you can also make an encouraging statement about future requests.

7. Say yes to the person and no to the task

Make sure the requestor understands first how positively you feel about them, despite the fact that the requested task cannot be accommodated in your current workload, strategy or other boundary. Requestors are then less likely to be left with the impression that your rejection is a personal affront.

8. Sandwich your no between two positives


Make your answer more palatable with a positive explanation. For example, if your partner asks you to cover a conference, but you have development deadlines at risk, explain these commitments (first yes), how they lock you in town (no), and finish by confirming your focus to an on-time product (second yes).

9. Defer the decision to a better environment

Ask for the opportunity to discuss the request when you can give the requestor your full attention. When you are in the normal chaos of the startup day, both parties can be easily misinterpreted. Pay attention to body language and tone that often make the negative response more difficult to receive.

10. Make sure your words are non-defensive but clearly stated

No one wins when a requestor reads your softly spoken no as a yes or a maybe. Long, detailed explanations are usually read as defensive or confrontational. The answer should be strong and non-emotional. Just say no clearly, and smile as you say it.

You don’t have to be viewed as a yes person to be viewed as a leader. In fact, if you look at the leaders around you, they are not afraid to say no to the conventional wisdom, and they gain respect for doing it. They have learned the art of saying no with the same conviction and passion they use in saying yes. That’s the best way to change the world and save yourself, so start today.

credibility: n.可靠性,可信性; 确实性

constituent: n.选民; 成分,构成部分; 委托人

converse: vi.交谈,谈话; [计]对话,会话

credence: n.相信(传言); 凭证; 餐具柜

distraction: n.注意力分散; 娱乐,消遣; 心烦意乱 

reciprocal: adj.相互的; 互惠的; 倒数的

cohort: n.(古罗马军队的)步兵大队,军队; 一群人; 同伙

palatable: adj.可口的; 美味的; 宜人的; 可接受的

conviction: n.定罪; 说服; 确信; 信念

(财富中文网)


我认识的每一位创业者,都说自己在一天中找不到足够的时间去做自己想做的事情,但他们经常会答应新的请求。或许这是因为他们天生就是乐观主义者,或许是因为他们不愿意让别人失望,但最终的结果是,他们无法实现自己做出的每一个承诺,进而损害了自己的健康、信誉和效力。

除了过于频繁地说“是”之外,在压力之下,有些创业者也会以非常糟糕的方式说“不”,他们可能会攻击请求者,或是避免明确的回应。而这两种方式经常是火上浇油,往往会造成负罪感或者随后的妥协。

成功的创业者必须对自己的所有承诺负责,管理对实现承诺的预期。笔者多年来从强有力的领导者那里学到了下面这些经验,或许能帮助你在拒绝他人的时候,不会伤害当前的商业关系或未来的机会:

1. 设定让所有人都知晓的界限,并坚决执行

让相关人士清楚你需要优先解决的事情和界限。在何时有空或哪些请求可以接受等问题上,不要总是破坏你自己设定的规矩。你必须言行一致,如果你内心想拒绝,就不要说“是”。

2. 先查看日程表,再给明确答复

在给出回答之前查看一下日程安排或与其他负责人进行沟通,是可以接受的商业行为。不要马上同意你无法做到的事情,也不要当场拒绝,因为这可能破坏双方的关系。无论如何,务必承诺一个给出最终决定的日期或时间。

3. 相信你的第一直觉

要意识到,你的大脑和身体所记下的信息,通常比乐观的情绪反应,或者在辛苦工作一天之后所做的负面情绪反应更加准确。在做出任何回答之前,深呼吸,清除大脑中的外部干扰,分析你的直觉反应。

4. 向值得信任的同事说出两种选择的利弊

大声说出自己的考虑,可以保证你能全面了解接受和拒绝请求的影响。接受请求将增加你的工作量,而拒绝可能让你未来的机会变成泡影。说出自己的顾虑,也可以为你赢得缓冲时间。

 5. 探索互惠互利的可能性

这样做会让请求者了解其请求的影响,并且有可能会重新考虑。在其他情况下,你得到的回报可能远远高于付出。虽然你的工作会增加,但每一次肯定的回答,都应该是一个双赢的局面,正如战略合作伙伴关系可以带动两家公司快速增长一样。

6. 在拒绝之前解释自己的苦衷

没有任何理由的拒绝,往往暗示请求不合理,或者请求者本身有问题。提出请求的人或许并不清楚你的预算限制、目前的工作量或竞争压力。在这种背景下,你也可以对未来的请求做出鼓励性的声明。

7. 对事不对人

保证请求者清楚你对他们的态度是肯定的,尽管鉴于你目前的工作量、策略或其他限制,你无法完成请求的任务。这样一来,请求者就不会认为你的拒绝是一种对个人的侮辱。

8. 用积极的理由来解释拒绝的原因

    通过积极的解释,让你的回答听上去更顺耳。例如:如果你的合作伙伴要求你去参加一次会议,但你的产品开发截止日期即将到来,你可以向对方解释这些任务(肯定),它们如何让你脱不开身(否定),最后证明自己的重点是准时交付一款产品(再次肯定)。

9. 推迟到更合适的时间做出决定

要求在你可以给予请求者全部注意力的时候,再与对方讨论其请求。创业初期,混乱是常态,在这种情况下,双方很容易产生误解。要注意不要做出那种经常会让否定回应更加难以接受的身体语言和语调。

10. 使用非防卫性语言,但一定要表述清楚

如果请求者将你柔和的拒绝,理解成“是”或者“可能”,最终只会两败俱伤。而长篇大论的解释,通常会被理解成防卫或抵触。你的回答应该是坚决的,不能感情用事。你只要明确地拒绝就可以,拒绝时不妨报以歉意的微笑。

你没有必要为了被其他人视为领导者,而成为凡事都说OK的人。事实上,看看你周围的领导者,你会发现他们并不害怕对传统观点说不,而且这样做反而为他们赢得了尊重。他们掌握了拒绝的艺术,不论拒绝还是同意,他们都能以同样的信念和激情说出自己的决定。这才是改变世界和拯救自己的最好方式,所以就从今天开始吧。



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