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译文精选:不要对你的伴侣沉默相待

2015-02-09    来源:yeeyan.org    【      美国外教 在线口语培训

不要对你的伴侣沉默相待
Don't Give Your Partner the Silent Treatment

【译文精选】

Have you ever been in an argument with your partner where instead of talking through the issue, you decided to give him or her the silent treatment? Yeah, we probably all have. Sometimes just ignoring the person who is making you want to lose your mind is easier than hashing it out!
当你和对象起争执时,没有好好讨论起因,却选择对他/她冷漠相待,有过这种经历吗?是的,每个人都可能经历过,有时直接忽略那个让你失去理智的人比充分讨论后解决问题要简单多了。

Interestingly, this relational response has been documented by clinicians since the 1930s but hasn't been thoroughly researched until recent times. A meta-analysis (when a large body of research on a topic is analyzed to find common threads and patterns) was conducted on this current research. Collectively, these studies showed that giving your romantic partner the silent treatment is one of the quickest ways to doom your relationship. Disturbingly, it's also one of the most frequently used responses to conflict in romantic relationships. Yikes!
有趣的是,虽然二十世纪三十年代临床医师已经记录了爱侣间这种反应,但直到最近才对它作出彻底研究。当前这项调查正在进行一项综合分析(即一个话题展开的多项研究可以被分析出共同主线和类型)。所有研究多表明与对象沉默相对是结束恋爱关系最快的方法之一。而令人不安的是,恋爱中一旦遇到冲突,这一方法出现的频率最高啊!


 

The silent treatment is part of what is called the demand-withdraw pattern, which happens when one partner makes constant requests of the other and is met with frequent repudiation. Typically, the way the refusing partner expresses their denial is by ignoring their partner, which is of course what is known as the silent treatment.
沉默相待是“你说我躲”类型的一个侧面,“你说我躲”的意思是一方不断对另一方提出要求,却遭到拒绝、退让。拒绝伴侣表达否定的典型方法就是忽略他/她。当然就变成了我们现在所知的沉默以对。

Exactly how destructive is the silent treatment? One study showed that it can bring about relationship dissatisfaction, and even divorce. Partners who engage in the silent treatment generally have worse communication than their non-silent treatment practicing counterparts and have less intimacy.
准确说来,沉默相待的破坏性几何?一项研究表明这会导致恋爱关系不和、甚至导致离婚。通常说来,沉默以对的爱侣比那些没有采取此种方法的爱侣交流地更少、更糟糕,亲昵行为也更少。


 

Why do we practice the silent treatment, anyway? "The silent treatment is caused by a combination of hurt feelings and an inability or unwillingness to talk about them," an Oregon counselor told the Chicago Tribune. Another therapist told the Tribune that "Ultimately, it has nothing to do with the argument but needing to feel like you are in control of something when everything else around you is spinning out of control."
那为什么我们非要沉默相对呢?俄勒冈州的一位顾问告诉《芝加哥论坛报》说:“经过多次伤心、无力或不愿谈及这些过往就会引起沉默”。还有一位治疗学家告诉记者:“基本上,这和吵架没有关系,但是当你周围的一切皆不受控制时,你需要体会自己还是可以控制某件事的这种感觉”。 

Basically, we go silent when our partner makes constant demands of us, because we want to grab hold of control in the relationship. This will then lead your partner to feel the same way and you're caught in a never ending power struggle, with a side of resentment.
一般来说,当伴侣不停地对我们提出要求时,我们就会保持沉默,因为我们想要紧紧控制住这段关系,于是你的伴侣又有同样的感觉,而你在伴侣的怨恨中,不断地与权利纠缠。


 

Interestingly, women are more likely than men to be the demanders in the demand-withdrawal cycle, when it comes to the silent treatment. Could this say anything about gender? Even though the researcher didn't look into this factor, I'm guessing that women are probably overwhelmed or want their partner to help them relieve their stress (which are where the demands come from), while men just see this behavior as incessant nagging that doesn't need to be addressed. After all, women still do the majority of the housework, even when both partners work full-time.
有意思的是,两人沉默以对时,在“你说我躲”的模式中,女性比男生更容易成为提出要求的那个人,这跟性别有什么关系吗?尽管研究人员并未探讨这个因素,我猜想女性可能更容易受打击、或想要另一半帮助自己排解压力(这就是要求来源),而男性感到这种行为只是不断地唠叨,根本无需解决。尽管双方都是全职工作,但毕竟女性仍然负责大部分的家务劳动啊。

Caught in the middle of the cycle? To break free of the silent treatment, talk it out. Researchers suggest finding a time other than the middle of a heated argument to address this pattern in your relationship. It's important to take ownership for your role in the silent treatment though, since placing blame usually doesn't do much to improve the state of your relationship. The researchers also found a connection between couple's in the demand-withdrawal cycle and mental illness, so you also may want to consult a psychologist if you suspect that's contributing to the problem.
陷入这个循环了吗?要想摆脱沉默相对的状况,那就好好谈谈吧。研究人员建议在激烈争吵之外另找时间,解决你们恋爱关系中的这个问题,因为互相指责通常不会改善你和她/他的关系,所以在互不理睬中你要对自己的角色负责,这很重要。研究人员还发现“你说我躲”的循环和心理疾病有关,所以如果你认为这是造成恋爱问题的原因的话,就咨询一下心理医生吧。

【来自:huffingtonpost.com 作者: Erin McKelle Fischer 译者:云要高飞】

重点解析 Key Phrases/Words.

1. hash out v. 具体讨论

2. meta-analysis 元分析

3. intimacy n. 亲密,亲近,亲昵的言行

4. incessant adj. 不停的,持续不断的

5. nagging adj. 唠叨的,挑剔的,使人不得安宁的 v. 不断地挑剔或批评(某人)( nag的现在分词 ),不断地烦扰或伤害



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