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译文精选:放弃那些放弃你的人

2015-04-17    来源:yeeyan.org    【      美国外教 在线口语培训

放弃那些放弃你的人
Stop Seeking Acceptance From People Who Are Committed to Not Accepting You

【译文精选】

It is fascinating how often we crave the acceptance and approval of those who won't accept us. It is an unhealthy pattern to continually pursue people who reject us. We do this because we see our lovability as directly related to their approval so we keep trying to be "better" or "do more." We do this so we can approve of ourselves through another person's approval of us, as if their approval finally makes us good enough. The healthiest way out of this pattern is to look at why we deeply believe we need the acceptance of those people. Do they determine our worth? Should we have to prove ourselves all the time only to hear we are not measuring up? If so, we are not picking the right people to have relationships with.
我们常常渴望获得他人的赞同与认可,这件事很有趣。不断纠缠拒绝我们的人是种不健康的模式,因为我们将自己的吸引力直接与他们的认可挂钩,所以我们一直试图成为更好的自己,或为他们做得更多来获得赞同,这同样也会改善自我感觉,就好像是他们的认可让我们变得足够好。走出这种模式的最佳方式就是审视为什么我们坚定地认为自己需要他们的认可。难道他们决定了我们的价值?难道只有一直被告知自己不够完美才能证明自己?如果这样,那就是择友失误。

 



5 realities about people
关于人际的五大事实

1. Some just aren't going to like us: In life, we should count on the fact there will be a certain percentage of people we meet who just won't like us. Instead of resisting this, simply accept it. Not everyone is going to like us, and in the bigger picture, it really doesn't matter. Keep in mind when someone doesn't like us it has much more to do with who they are then with who we are.
总会有人不喜欢我们。在生活中我们得相信这样一个事实:我们所遇到的人中,有一部分是不会喜欢我们的。对于这个事实,不要反抗,接受即可。虽然不是每个人都会喜欢我们,但从宏观上看,这没什么大不了。记住,有人不喜欢我们这件事更多与他们本人有关。

Move on and stop trying to change their opinion. It won't matter to them how great we are or how much we do for them. They will have no problem taking what we give, but it likely won't change if they like us or not.
继续生活,别妄图改变他们的想法。对他们来说,我们有多好,为他们付出多少并不重要。谈论付出并不难,可是他们是否会喜欢我们这件事不会改变。

2. Others don't determine our worth: We as individual determine our own worth. We must invest deeply in ourselves because if we don't no one else will. When we are pursuing people who consistently reject and hurt us we are going against ourselves.
别人不能决定我们的价值。自身价值由自己定义,自己若不投资自己,别人更不会。追求那些不停地拒绝并伤害我们的人就是违背自己的本性。

Personal investment means we leave toxic people out of our lives for the purpose of being able to rise to the heights we need to reach personally. If we have people trying to bring us down, keep in mind that it only means they are already below us.
个人投资就是为了能够达到必要的高度而远离对我们有害的人。如果有人想要击垮我们,这只意味着他们已经不如我们。

3. It is a waste of emotional energy: When we continue to work hard to receive the acceptance and approval we want and get the same rejection again and again, we have to come to a point where we realize we are wasting our emotional energy.
情绪能量的浪费。如果我们持续去获取期望的认可,但却一次次遭到拒绝,那就需要意识到这是在浪费情绪能量。

At some point it is best to accept that whoever we trying to impress is not going to come our way and will continue to keep us at a distance. Let them be. We have to respect ourselves enough to move on and put our energy into relationships which support us and that are mutually beneficial.
有时候,我们得接受事实,不管我们想打动谁,事情不会按我们预期发展,他们也会继续与我们保持距离,所以,随他们去吧。我们要有尊严地继续生活,把精力投入到积极且互惠的关系中。

4. It is more powerful to let go: Whatever we force we push away. It is law. When we fight for something that isn't going to happen we begin to look and feel foolish. Never confuse forgiveness with foolishness. The most powerful thing we can do is rise above the situation and untangle our self-worth from the person we believe we need approval from.
放手才更强大。不论放手什么,这就是规则。为不可能的事情而奋斗会使我们看上起很愚蠢。不要把宽容和愚蠢混淆。我们能做的最强大的事就是克服这种状况,将自我价值从他人的肯定中解放。

We have to have the courage to trust we can determine our value all on our own. There is nothing more powerful than the pure acceptance of knowing when something or someone isn't good for us, even when we desperately want them to be, and we can let go.
我们必须有勇气,相信自我能决定自己的价值。若境况不利,或希冀人事相助时能选择放手,那世上没有什么比这纯粹的坦然更为强大了。

When we let go of people like this we stop participating in their sickness, we leave their audience and are released from their negative influence. We respect ourselves enough to stop giving to these people and move on to those who can love and adore us in return. They are out there, and probably in our lives now, but we may be so focused on getting these unattainable people to approve of us that we are missing what is right before our eyes.
当我们放弃这些人时,就跳出了他们病态的思维,不再充当观众,从他们的消极影响中解脱,充分尊重自我,停止付出,转向那些同样喜欢我们的人。他们就在那里,或许已经出现在我们的生命中,只是我们太过专注于追求那些难以取悦的人们,以至于错失眼前人。

 5. Who cares! People are just people: People are people they are not "powers" unless we make them into powers. Let those who reject us make US more powerful. We can use these people for inspiration and motivation to live out our purpose with an even stronger vengeance. We can use our hurt or anger over their lack of approval as fuel for our own personal quest for divine happiness and success in life.
人皆凡人,不要在意。除非我们给与他权利,否则大家都是平凡人。让那些拒绝我们的人去把美国建设地更强大吧!我们可以把这些人当做鼓励与动力,加倍地去实现自己的目标;将伤痛与怒气作为个人追求幸福与成功的燃料。

We make the internal agreement to never let another oppress us and keep us down. We are our own person and there are going to be plenty of others who will see us and love us for who we are.
我们要在内心与自己和解,不让他人压制限制自己。我们就是我们,世界上还有很多人因为我们的本来面目而关注并喜爱我们。

The greatest gift people who don't approve of us give us is a more defined idea of who we are and who we choose to be. If we start changing who we are to gain approval, we lose ourselves. As we rub up against these people we can see they challenge us to hold even tighter to our true essence. They force us to choose courage over fear to live out and be exactly who we are, not who we think they want us to be.
那些不认同我们的人赠与我们最棒的礼物,就是让我们更清楚地了解自己是什么样的人,以及我们的做人标准。如果为了获取认同而开始改变自我,最终必会迷失自我。当我们遇到这类人时,他们会加倍考验我们,对我们的本性要求更为严格。他们迫使我们战胜恐惧去做自己,而非我们所认为的他们想让我们成为什么样子。

【原文来源:huffingtonpost.com 作者: Sherrie Campbell, PhD 翻译来源:yeeyan.org 译者:sallyyixin】



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