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译文精选:尝试宽恕

2015-05-08    来源:yeeyan.org    【      美国外教 在线口语培训

尝试宽恕
The Forgiveness Boost

【译文精选】

Making amends with those who trespass against us yields a number of physical and mental benefits. Sometimes even victims of the worst crimes can find solace in letting go.
宽恕那些冒犯我们的人有益身心。有的时候,甚至是那些遭遇穷凶极恶的罪行的受害者,也能在宽恕的过程中得到慰藉。

On New Year’s Eve in 1995, Frances McNeill, a 78-year-old woman who lived alone in Knoxville, Tennessee, went to bed early. Outside, someone watched the house lights flick off. Figuring its inhabitants were gone for the night, he made his move.
佛朗西丝·麦克尼尔是个78岁的老太太,独自一人居住在田纳西州诺克斯维尔。1995年的除夕夜,她早早上床睡觉了。有一个人在外面看到房间的灯熄灭,他暗自以为主人晚上不在,就行动起来。

McNeill awoke to the sound of the intruder rummaging through her bookshelves and drawers. She walked out of her bedroom and crept up behind him. He swiveled around, raised his crowbar high above his head, and bludgeoned McNeill to death. Afterward, he raped her with a wine bottle.
听到有人在特意地翻找书架和抽屉,麦克尼尔从睡梦中惊醒。随后走出卧室,蹑手蹑脚地来到他的后面。结果,这个男人转过身将手中的撬棍高高举起,把麦克尼尔活活打死。之后,又用一个红酒瓶侵犯了她。

The next morning, McNeill’s son, Mike, discovered her body on the blood-stained carpet. Mike frantically called his older brother, Everett Worthington, who drove over to the house right away.
第二天早上,麦克尼尔的儿子迈克在沾染着血的地毯上发现了她的尸体。迈克疯了似的给他的哥哥伊瑞特·华丁顿打电话,他的哥哥立即开车回到了家里。

For the next 24 hours, the brothers seethed with rage.
在接下来的二十四小时里,兄弟二人都处于满腔的怒火中。

"It was a traumatic scene and terrible to walk through the house I was raised and see the evidence of all this violence," said Worthington, who recalled the incident recently. "At one point, I pointed to a baseball bat and thought, I wish that guy was here so I could beat his brains out."
“那是一个令人无比崩溃的场景,每每走过我长大的地方,看到一件件暴行的证据,感觉糟糕透顶,”华丁顿近来回忆起这件事时说道。“一度,我指着棒球棒想,多么希望那个家伙就在这里,我就能把他打的脑袋开花。”

Worthington, who was (and remains) a professor of psychology at Virginia Commonwealth University, had at that point been actively researching the psychology of forgiveness for several years. He was studying how people forgive and how forgiveness can work alongside justice.
华丁顿是弗吉尼亚联邦大学的心理学教授,他对与宽恕相关的心理学已经研究了多年。当时他正在研究人们如何宽恕,还有怎样让宽恕和法律制裁一起发挥作用。

"I thought, 'Oh man, here is a guy who has written a book about forgiveness, has taught about this," Worthington said of himself. Surely, he thought, an expert on forgiveness could find a way to make peace with even the most heinous perpetrator.
“我在想,‘天啊,我上课讲的是宽恕,写的书也是关于宽恕’”华丁顿这样讲述自己。他觉得一个研究宽恕的专家即使面对这等十恶不赦的歹徒,也应该能同他和解。

Mind you, Worthington does not forgive easily. He says he once had a professor who gave him a B and it took him "10 years and a religious experience to forgive that guy." But he knew from his research that carrying around the anger over his mother’s homicide would be worse than the painful process of absolution.
提醒一下,对华丁顿来说原谅并非易事。他说曾经有一个教授给了他一个B,对于这件事他花费了“10年和一次宗教活动去原谅那个家伙”。但是他从自己的研究中学到,相比宽恕所要经历的艰难过程,背负着对谋杀者的愤怒会更加糟糕。

To do it, Worthington used his own, five-step "REACH" method of forgiveness. First, you "recall" the incident, including all the hurt. "Empathize" with the person who wronged you. Then, you give them the "altruistic gift" of forgiveness, maybe by recalling how good it felt to be forgiven by someone you yourself have wronged. Next, "commit" yourself to forgive publicly by telling a friend or the person you’re forgiving. Finally, "hold" onto forgiveness. Even when feelings of anger surface, remind yourself that you’ve already forgiven.
为了做到这件事,华丁顿采用了他自己的“五步原谅法”。首先,回忆整个事件,包括所有的伤痛。其次,转换角度去“理解”伤害你的人。然后,或许通过回忆自己被别人原谅时的心情,你也可以给予冒犯你的人一份“无私之礼”——谅解。接着,公开承诺自己要进行宽恕,对朋友宣布这个消息或者是告诉你要宽恕的那个人。最后,尽力保持住内心谅解时的心态。即使内心的愤怒浮现出来,也要提醒自己已经宽恕别人了。

What helped on the empathy front, Worthington says, was that after the intruder killed McNeill, he ran from room to room, smashing all of the mirrors with the crowbar—even in the rooms he didn't search. Worthington took it as a sign that he couldn't look at himself.
华丁顿说,在入侵者杀了麦克尼尔以后,他从一个房间跑到另一个房间,用撬棍打碎了所有的镜子,甚至是那些他根本没有搜寻过的房间——这一发现,让他对凶手产生了同理心。华丁顿认为,这表明谋杀犯不能正视自己的行为。

"I started thinking about this from the point of view of someone who is keyed up and think they have perfect crime, and this woman is looking at them right in the face, and he has the means right in his hand," Worthington said. (It's worth noting that no one has been convicted in the murder, and the case against the leading suspect was dropped. I’m using male pronouns, but this might have been a woman.)
“我开始从另一角度去思考问题,某一个人神经紧绷并且认为自己的计划天衣无缝,这时却有一个老太太出现在他面前,直直地看着他,而他的手里恰好握着工具,情急之下会做出这样的行为。”华丁顿说。(值得一提的是,在这场谋杀案中没有人被判有罪,对头号嫌疑人的指控被撤销。在这里我使用了“他”,但或许也会是一名女性。)

After that first, agonizing 24 hours following his mother's death came another 20 or so during which Worthington says he went through all five REACH steps. He forgave his mother's murderer completely. He says it was important to do so right away.
母亲遇害后的24个小时里,他痛苦难忍。再之后的大约20个小时,华丁顿说自己进行了所有的五个步骤。他完全地宽恕了杀害他母亲的人,并且表示,立刻这样做非常重要。

"I was emotionally aroused, and that magnified all the emotional experiences I was having,” he said. “So when I had the experience of working through and forgiving this person, it gave it a little extra power. If I had done it two days later, when I was calmed down, probably it wouldn't have had as much effect."
“我的情绪有些激动,这时候的所有情感体验都会被放大,”他说。“当我真正用心去做并宽恕那个人时,内心的激动也让原谅更具力量。如果两天之后冷静下来再做这件事,很可能原谅的效果就要大打折扣了。”

Talking about the "benefits of forgiveness" can feel slightly self-serving, like donating to charity only so you can tell people about it later. But one reason why people might avoid forgiving is that it feels like the offender gets away with something—especially if he or she never apologized. In that sense, at least, it’s worth considering what’s in it for the forgiver. And as it turns out, there's a lot.
讲“原谅的好处”听上去有些自私,就好像你捐钱给慈善组织,只是为了之后和别人夸耀。但人们之所以拒绝去宽恕,是因为感觉如果那样做,就会让那些罪犯逃脱一些制裁——特别是当他(她)从没有道歉时。我会说:即便如此,至少我们可以考虑原谅者会得到什么。其实事实证明,回报很丰厚。

First, there's a sizable and immediate mental-health boost. Worthington says that an eight-hour forgiveness workshop can reduce subjects' depression and anxiety levels as much as several months of psychotherapy would.
首先,它能直接有效地促进你的心理健康。华丁顿说在减缓沮丧和焦虑方面,一个八小时的宽恕疗法能够和几个月的心理疗法起到相当的效果。

But beyond that, forgiving people are markedly physically healthier than unforgiving ones. A 2005 study published in the Journal of Behavioral Medicine found that participants who considered themselves more forgiving had better health across five measures: physical symptoms, the number of medications used, sleep quality, fatigue, and medical complaints. The study authors found that this was because the process of forgiveness tamped down negative emotions and stress.
除此之外,比起那些记仇的人,身体明显更加健康。2005年出版在《行为医学杂志》上的一项研究显示,那些认为自己比较宽容的人身体更健康,这表现在五个方面,分别是:身体症状,药物的用量,睡眠质量,疲劳程度和病痛情况。该研究的作者发现这是因为宽恕平息了负面情绪,也缓解了压力。

"The victim relinquishes ideas of revenge, and feels less hostile, angry, or upset about the experience," the authors wrote.
“受害人放弃了报复的想法,并且对这段经历表现出更少的敌意,也不那么愤怒和心烦。”作者写道。

In 2011, a group of researchers asked 68 married couples to rehash a recent fight, and they recorded the discussion on video. The participants then watched the videos back and described how conciliatorily they behaved toward their partners, using phrases like "I tried to comfort my partner," or conversely, "I wanted to keep as much distance between us as possible." The scientists found that the more peaceable the "victims" of each fight were (the ones accused of not doing their fair share of the chores, say, or of invading the other's privacy), the lower their blood pressure readings were. Their partners’ blood pressure was lower, too. In other words, both granting and receiving forgiveness seemingly brought down the tension level of the entire marriage. Importantly, it didn’t matter whether the instigator of the fight had tried to make amends: "The power to grant forgiveness (and its benefits) rests with victims," the authors concluded.
2011年,一个研究小组让68对夫妇仔细讨论了近期的一次争吵,并用录像机记录下来。实验参与者接着回看了录像,然后描述他们如何向另一半表现和解,有人使用“我试着去安慰我的伴侣”这样的语句;或者相反地,也有人会说“我想尽可能地在我们之间保持距离。” 科学家发现,争吵中的“受害者”越是平静(他们要么被指责没有承担应做的那份家务活,或者侵犯了另一个人的隐私),他们的血压越低,其伴侣的血压也相应更低。换句话说,不管是给予还是接受宽恕似乎都降低了整个婚姻的紧张程度。更重要的是,争吵的发起者是不是试图弥补其实无关紧要。“宽恕的力量(以及它的好处)取决于受害者。”作者总结道。

This replicated past research, from 2001, showing that when study subjects were told to mentally rehearse a hurtful memory in a resentful way, versus an empathetic and forgiving way, they had faster heart rates and larger blood pressure changes. They also showed more tension in their facial muscles.
这项实验从2001年开始被不断重复。研究对象被要求在脑海中回想一段痛苦的回忆。实验表明,相比保持着一个同情和宽恕的心态,如果受试者在回忆时充满着怨憎,他们会经受更高的心跳速率和更大的血压变化,面部肌肉也更紧张。

When someone holds a grudge, their body courses with high levels of cortisol, the stress hormone. When cortisol surges at chronically high levels for long periods of time, Worthington says, it can reduce brain size, sex drive, and digestive ability.
当一个人心怀怨恨时,他们身体中的可的松(一种应激激素)含量会大幅上升。华丁顿表示,若人体的可的松含量长期处于高水平,人的脑容量、性冲动以及消化能力都会降低。

In a study recently published in Social Psychological and Personality Science, 46 participants were divided into two groups: One set were asked to write about a time when someone wronged them and they forgave the person, and the other group was asked about a time when they did not forgive the offender. Afterward, all of the subjects were led outside to gaze upon a large hill. The “unforgiving” group thought the hill was about 5 degrees steeper than the forgiving group did. Then, all the participants were asked to jump up and down. The forgiving group jumped seven centimeters higher, on average.
《社会心理学与人格科学》近期刊登的一项研究中,46位实验参与者被分为两组:一组被要求写下一段宽恕侵犯者的经历,另一组写的则是一段仍令他们耿耿于怀的往事。然后,所有的实验对象被领到室外,凝视一个高高的山坡。比起“宽恕”小组,“未宽恕”小组认为山坡要更陡5度。然后,所有的参与者被要求蹦跳。平均来说,宽恕小组的跳跃高度高了7公分。

The experiments showed how a grudge can weigh a person down—literally—says Ryan Fehr, an assistant professor of management at the University of Washington and an author of the study.
这些实验展示了怨恨是如何给人‘重压’的。”华盛顿大学管理学的副教授,瑞恩·费尔这样说道,他也是研究者之一。

"If you're primed with having a heavy burden, it makes you feel heavy," he said. "The metaphor becomes real life."
“如果你一心挂念着那个重担,你就真的倍感沉重”,他说:“不堪重负也就从比喻变成了事实”。

For all its merits, forgiveness isn't a cure-all, and it’s not always the best thing to do, Fehr said. "If you have someone who is really unrepentant and keeps offending you over time, maybe not."
尽管有着诸多益处,宽恕并不能包治百病,并且它也不见得永远是最好的选择,费尔这样说:“如果有人死不悔改并且不断地侵犯你,那(宽恕)可能就不是一个好主意了。”

There's some evidence, for example, that forgiving a romantic partner's offenses can drag down a person's self-respect if the partner hasn't made amends and the infraction was severe. (This is called, fittingly,"the doormat effect.") And forgiveness is not always the valorous high-road that it might seem. When the psychologists Sarah Stanton and Eli Finkel tired out a set of participants by making them take a difficult test, they found that they were less forgiving of a hypothetical severe transgression (their partners cheating) but more forgiving of a minor one (their partners not calling when they said they would.) Sometimes people are just "too tired to take offense at their partner's bad behavior," they write. But it’s unclear whether this type of "eh, whatever" relationship is a truly healthy one.
例如,有些证据表明,如果伴侣不做任何形式的道歉,而侵犯又很严重,那么宽恕伴侣会拉低一个人的自尊(这也被称为“门垫效应”)。宽恕的道路也不像看起来那样是一条畅行无阻的阳关道,心理学家萨拉·斯坦顿和艾丽·芬科用困难的测试使一系列被试者筋疲力尽之后,他们发现,比起宽恕一个小错(比如他们的伴侣没有按照承诺打电话),被试者宽恕一个假定的大错(比如他们伴侣的不忠)会更不容易。有些时候,人们只是“感到太累了,没力气再为伴侣的坏行为而生气”,研究人员这么写道。但是,这种“算了管他呢”式的关系究竟是不是真正健康呢?这依然是一个未知数。

To Worthington, forgiveness is worth doing even when the target is a person whom it’s difficult to emotionally acquit—and sometimes, that person is ourselves.
对华丁顿来说,即使我们在感情上无法赦免那个人,宽恕仍然是值得实践的。而有时候,那个人也许就是我们自己。

Mike, the brother who discovered Worthington's mother's body, was never quite the same after she died. He suffered from extreme PTSD, and he asked Worthington for help with his flashbacks and other symptoms. Worthington tried to help—he recommended counseling and the like—but Mike never seemed to want to go through with it. "I tried to help him, but we had too many adolescent conflicts left over in our relationship," Worthington said. In 2005, Mike killed himself. Worthington then faced, as he describes it, the even more Herculean task of getting over his own self-blame. "I had struggles with God, like, How did this happen?"
华丁顿那位发现他们母亲尸体的兄弟迈克,他的生活在母亲遇害之后彻底改变了。他患上了严重的PTSD(创伤后应激综合症),经历了梦魇等症状,他向华丁顿寻求帮助。华丁顿试图帮忙——他推荐了心理咨询和相关服务——但是迈克似乎没有参加心理咨询。“我尝试着帮助他,但是我们的关系中遗留了太多青春期时代的矛盾”华丁顿如是说。 2005年,迈克自杀了。如何克服自责是华丁顿接着面对的问题,他说这是更加艰巨的任务。“我对上帝产生了怀疑,举个例子,(我不会停追问)这一切是怎么发生的”

Worthington worked on his relationship with God, and he tried to make what he calls "social repairs." In a suicide note, Mike had mentioned financial problems, so Worthington helped Mike's widow with them. It took three long years, he says, but Worthington was eventually able to forgive himself.
华丁顿试图巩固他的信仰,并且他也尝试着做些他所谓的“社会修补”。迈克的遗书中提到了经济方面的问题,所以华丁顿给迈克的遗孀提供了经济上的帮助。华丁顿最终宽恕了自己,尽管这花了他三年的时间。

"I couldn't bring my brother back to life, but there's a pay-it-forward that you do," he said. "I try to help other people avoid the problems I went through. I felt like, as much as you can put anything like that behind you, I was able to put it behind me."
“我无法让我的兄弟死而复生,但你可以把爱传出去。”,他这么说,“我尝试着帮助其他人避免我所经历的问题。我感觉好像,只要他们能把这种东西抛到你脑后,我也可以朝着前看。” 

【原文来源:theatlantic.com 作者: OLGA KHAZAN   翻译来源:yeeyan.org 译者:复旦大学翻译社】



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