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出轨与一夫一妻制是否有必然联系呢?

2017-04-15    来源:爱语吧    【      美国外教 在线口语培训

一夫一妻的婚姻:无论从生物繁衍的角度,还是从自由主义角度来看,一夫一妻制度似乎都有其不合理之处。生物界有的物种天生实行一夫一妻,这是本能天性导致它们对配偶的忠臣。而绝大部分物种的没有这种天性,包括人类。是文明的发展导致一夫一妻的产生吗?婚姻作为一种社会关系有何独特之处以至于政府和法律都要插足其中呢?

Could opening your relationship to others benefit you and your partner?

将你们的关系向他人开放会使你和你的伴侣受益吗?

For many couples, monogamy -- staying sexually exclusive with one partner -- is expected and assumed. It’s even included in many marriage vows. But as some people are increasingly realizing, monogamy isn’t for everyone.

对于许多夫妇来说,一夫一妻制——只与一个专属伴侣发生性关系——是他们所期待的并且认为应然的。一夫一妻甚至被包括在许多结婚誓言中。但现今一些人愈发地意识到,一夫一妻制并不适合所有人。

一夫一妻制

In fact, consensual non-monogamy can be a healthy option for some couples and, executed thoughtfully, can inject relationships with some much-needed novelty and excitement.

事实上,双方达成共识的非一夫一妻制对于某些夫妻来说是一个健康的选择。如果在经过深思熟虑后实施的话,这样的非一夫一妻制可以在他们的关系中注入急需的新鲜感和兴奋感。

As a couples sex therapist, I’ve found that some may feel committed to each other yet still feel they have fundamental differences in sexual interests or desires. In the past, many of these couples might have chosen to break up, cheat or just "settle."

作为一名夫妻性生活治疗专家,我发现,有些夫妻对双方都作出承诺一心一意,然而他们仍然感到两人在性需求和兴趣上有着根本上的不同。在过去,许多这样的夫妻会选择分手、搞外遇或者将就着这样。

But these days, some are finding they want to challenge their notions about sexual exclusivity.

但现在,有些夫妻想要向他们专属性伴侣的观念发出挑战。

It’s still unclear what’s driving this new openness to, well, openness.

但我们仍然不清楚是什么驱使这种开放观念为众人所接受

"We’re just starting to ask these questions in research," sex researcher and educator Zhana Vrangalova said. "But there does seem to be a growing group of people who are open to exploring. Even if they ultimately decide that non-monogamy isn’t for them, more couples are making that decision after an informed consideration, rather than just judging and rejecting it."

“我们刚开始在调查中对此发问,”性研究者和教育家Zhana Vrangalova说,“但确实有越来越多的人群愿意对这种关系进行探索。就算他们最终觉得非一夫一妻制并不适合他们,更多的夫妻是在深入了解并考虑过后才做出的这个决定,而不是仅仅抵制和歧视它”

Indeed, most non-monogamous people probably once practiced monogamy, explained sex therapist Dulcinea Pitagora. "Most people enter their first relationships with the traditional idea of sexual exclusivity. It’s just the way we’re socialized in our culture."

事实上,大部分选择非一夫一妻制的夫妻曾经都是一夫一妻制,性治疗专家Dulcinea Pitagora解释道。“很多人都是带着性伴侣唯一的传统思想进入第一段恋情的。这正是我们在传统文化背景下社交的方式。”

Is non-monogamy right for you?

非一夫一妻制适合你吗?

So how do you know whether trying consensual non-monogamy -- which includes polyamory, the ability to have sexual and emotional relationships with others -- is worth exploring? First, it helps to understand how you and your partner define sexual openness, as well as sexual exclusivity.

那么你该如何知道双方合意下的非一夫一妻制——包括多角恋,即可以与他人发生性关系和情感关系的能力——是否值得探索和尝试呢?首先,这能帮助你和你的伴侣理解性开放关系,以及性伴侣唯一观念。

"There are as many different types of non-monogamous relationships as there are people in them," Vrangalova said.

“有多少人尝试非一夫一妻制就有多少种不同的非一夫一妻制,” Vrangalova说。

For some couples, non-exclusivity might take the form of attending "play parties" together and swapping partners, watching other couples have sex, dating other people or even entering into polyamorous relationships with multiple partners.

对于某些夫妻来说,非专属性的形式可以是一起“多人行”、交换伴侣、观看其他伴侣性交、与其他人约会或者甚至与多个伴侣投入多角恋关系。

Determine what’s OK and what’s not. These are important conversations to have even if you intend to remain monogamous, because they help set expectations and boundaries for your relationship.

要定好什么可以做什么不可以做。即使对想要维持一夫一妻的伴侣来说这也是重要的交流,因为这能帮助你确定夫妻关系中的心理预期和界限。

Know that non-monogamy can’t save a bad relationship. For too many couples, becoming non-monogamous is a last-ditch effort to breathe life into a relationship that’s already failing. If you’re struggling with major issues, differences or communication problems, opening up your relationship will probably worsen those challenges, not improve them.

你要明白非一夫一妻制不能挽留一段破裂的关系。对于太多的夫妻来说,采取非一夫一妻制是为已经失败的关系注入活力的最后一根救命稻草。如果你们是在一些主要问题上,比如夫妻间的差异和交流上存在问题的话,进一步开放你们的关系很可能会恶化这些问题,而不是改善它们。

On the other hand, non-monogamy can help a good relationship.

另一方面,非一夫一妻制可以促进一段很好的恋情。

Consensual non-monogamy can add spark and fulfillment to a healthy relationship. "It can actually remove the fear inherent in some monogamous relationships related to the potential for abandonment -- for example, if their partner were to meet someone else," explained Pitagora.


合意下的非一夫一妻制可以在一段健康的关系中擦出火花,增加满足感。“它可以去除某些一夫一妻关系下的伴侣常会产生的害怕被另一半抛弃的恐惧感——比如他们的伴侣会遇到其他人,” Pitagora解释道。

"For other people, there can be a deep sense of relief in not having to be the sole source of sexual satisfaction, and this can lead to greater opportunities for intimacy and bonding," she said. "Still others feel a sense of heightened sexual excitement hearing about their partners’ other sexual relationships."

“对另一些人来说,不再是满足性伴侣的唯一人选可以让他们深深地松一口气。而且这可以大大提升增进他们亲密感和感情联系的机会,”她说。“对其他人来说,当知道他们的伴侣有其他性伴侣时他们会感到更高的性趣。”

Vranglova agrees. "Consensual non-monogamy can bring back some of the initial novelty and excitement you felt at the beginning of your relationship, even if that just means watching your partner flirt with someone else," she said. "Above and beyond that, couples say that consensual non-monogamy can improve their communication, because it requires a lot of talking, sharing and negotiating, (and) that can strengthen communication in other areas of the relationship, not just your sex life."

Vranglova同意她的说法。“合意下的非一夫一妻制可以带来你初恋时感到的最初的悸动和新鲜感,即使那意味着你要看着你的伴侣和其他人调情,”她说。“在此之上,有夫妻说合意下的非一夫一妻制可以改善他们的交流,因为它需要大量的交谈,分享和协商,这还可以强化这段关系中其他方面的交流,而不仅仅是你的性生活。”

Non-monogamy takes effort. If you’re considering opening your relationship, it’s important to remember that it requires just as much work as monogamy. That means educating yourselves about consensual non-monogamy through books (my personal favorite is Tristan Taormino’s "Opening Up"), workshops, talking to other non-monogamous couples and perhaps working with a sex therapist or coach.

实施非一夫一妻制需要投入精力。如果你正考虑开放你的关系,要记住这就像保持一夫一妻制一样需要精力,这点很重要。这意味着你要通过书籍(我的个人偏好是Tristan Taormino的《开放》)、研讨会、与其他非一夫一妻的夫妻交流、与性治疗专家或教练合作等方式来学习合意下的非一夫一妻制。

You’ll want to consider issues such as jealousy, honesty and safe sex practices, just to name a few. It’s also worth remembering that non-monogamy still carries a stigma in many circles, so think about how you and your partner will address that concern.

你会考虑到一些问题,比如嫉妒心、忠诚和安全性行为,而这些只是其中的一小部分。你还要记住非一夫一妻制在许多圈子中仍然负有污名,所以想想你和你的伴侣该如何解决这些问题。

And keep in mind that monogamous couples can learn from non-monogamous ones. Even if you and your partner determine that consensual non-monogamy isn’t for you, there’s a lot you can learn from this practice. Taking lessons about increased communication and transparency from non-monogamous couples can improve any relationship, without ever opening it up.

要始终记住,一夫一妻制的夫妻可以向非一夫一妻制的夫妻学习。即使你和你的伴侣决定合意下的非一夫一妻制并不适合你们,你们仍然可以从中学到很多。从非一夫一妻制的夫妻那里学习如何增进交流和坦诚相待可以改善任何一种关系,而不用实际去尝试这种开放的关系。



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