She runs her hand slowly down my right butt cheek, probing for crevasses with her powerful fingers.
“I see a new job opportunity coming up for you in December,“ Bibian Arango says, as she looks carefully at my ass to prognosticate my future.
A soft, meditative tune plays in the background. I feel my cheeks relax.
“The next couple of years are very prosperous, but you have to watch what you’re eating because you could have problems in your lower stomach,“ the psychic says.
Arango sees several butts each week in her Lima office, a small room packed with statuettes of Catholic Saints, magic potions and a three-foot mural of Sheeva, the Hindu God.
The Colombia-born psychic says she’s one of the world’s few experts in rumpology, a pseudo-scientific discipline that devines people’s futures and analyzes their personalities by studying the features of their buttocks, and feeling out the general shape of their ass.
“Some people think it’s a joke, but I don’t really care,“ Arango says in a distinct Colombian accent. “I predicted that Shakira was going to have babies with a soccer player…just by looking at a picture of her butt.“