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如何才能做一个很酷的人?

2017-02-13    来源:普特英语听力    【      美国外教 在线口语培训

谁不想做一个很酷的人呢?

 
我们都想成为酷酷的女孩纸或男孩纸,研究显示,这并不是什么肤浅的想法,因为酷,意味着跟别人不一样。
 
而大多数人还是想变得与众不同的。
 
社会

比如说,魅力型领导者就很受大家的喜欢
 
在《The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism》这本书中写到:
 
If you’re a leader, or aspire to be one, charisma matters. It gives you a competitive advantage in attracting and retaining the very best talent. It makes people want to work with you, your team, and your company. Research shows that those following charismatic leaders perform better, experience their work as more meaningful, and have more trust in their leaders than those following effective but noncharismatic leaders.
如果你是一位领导者,或者想成为一位领导者,个人魅力至关重要。它在吸引与保留人才方面具有竞争优势,具有个人魅力的领导者,使人想加入他、他的团队或者公司。研究显示,那些跟随魅力型领导者的人比之跟随虽有能力却无魅力的领导者的人,表现的更好,工作做得更有意义,对领导的信任也更多。
 
但是,酷,这种东西是天生的吗?通过努力,我们会变成一个很酷的人吗?
 
答案是肯定的。
 
装酷,直到你变成真酷。
 
社会

这本书的作者Olivia Fox Cabane也解释道,这种魅力是可以后天习得的:
 
The most commonly held myth that I encountered when first doing this research was that charisma is an innate quality, that some people have it and some people don't and whatever you're born with you're stuck with. In fact, charisma's a quality that fluctuates. It'll be there one moment and gone the next. It's also a very learnable quality. So, a lot of people who are known today as some of the most charismatic people actually learned charisma step by step.
我在做这项研究时遇到的最普遍的问题就是,魅力它是一种内在品质,有的人生来就有,有的人生来就没,我们必须接受这个事实。事实上,魅力它不是一成不变的,它也是流动的,也许某个人这一刻很有魅力,下一刻就泯然众人了。魅力,也是一种可以习得的品质,我们所熟知的那些魅力四射的人也是一步一步慢慢变成这样的。
 
所以,到底怎样才能变成一个很酷很有魅力的人呢?有什么具体可行的办法吗?
 
1) Less 少
 
如果用一个字来概括酷,那就是少。
 
酷意味着看起来毫不费力,虽然在生活在感情中,努力是很有必要的。
 
不是有一句话这么说吗,只有非常努力,才能看起来毫不费力。想要酷,想要被人眼中的“少”,那就意味着你背后的“多”。
 
而这种毫不费力,就是酷酷的人的表现,“哎呀这个简单啊我都没怎么费劲就搞定了。”
 
社会

就像那位作者Olivia Fox-Cabane说的,你们什么时候看到过詹姆斯邦德苦苦哀求,讨好示笑或者惊慌失措的样子?没有,邦德永远都沉着冷静——
 
Can you imagine James Bond fidgeting? How about tugging at his clothing, bobbing his head, or twitching his shoulders? How about hemming and hawing before he speaks? Of course not. Bond is the quintessential cool, calm, and collected character…
你们可以想象邦德坐立难安的样子吗?或者扯衣服、晃脑袋、抖肩膀的样子?又或者是支支吾吾吞吞吐吐的样子?想象不出来吧,邦德这个角色的精髓就是永远都要沉着冷静。
 
This kind of high-status, high-confidence body language is characterized by how few movements are made. Composed people exhibit a level of stillness, which is sometimes described as poise. They avoid extraneous, superfluous gestures such as fidgeting with their clothes, their hair, or their faces, incessantly nodding their heads, or saying “um” before sentences.
像这种体现着高水准、高自信的身体语言通常都是由很少的动作构成的。沉着冷静的人总是表现出一副静止的状态,这种状态就被看作是镇静。他们会避免做一些不必要的肢体动作,比如说扯衣服、撩头发、摸脸、摇头晃头或者还未开口就支支吾吾的“嗯”来“额”去的。
 
所以,要做一个酷酷的人,首先从外部下手,要“少”,去除那些多余的小动作,比如说抓耳挠腮、甩胳膊抖腿这样的。
 
2) Confidence 自信
 
我们都希望自己变得自信,如果能把上面说过的“少”与自信结合起来,你就已经掌握了酷的精髓了。
 
研究人员在受试者中做研究,结果表示,自信是最容易让人产生魅力的。
 
社会

这结果倒没什么令人惊讶的,研究还显示,自尊的人看起来比较性感,总是过分紧张的人则显然不会。对男人来说,过分谦虚反倒会有消极作用:
 
‘Modest men were not liked as much as modest women because they were viewed as ‘too weak’ for a man and because they were viewed as insufficiently confident and ambitious,’ the U.S. researchers wrote.
“谦虚的男人并不像谦虚的女人那样惹人喜欢,因为他们往往会被看作‘太弱’,以及不够自信,没有雄心,”美国研究人员写道。
 
3) Know The Rules — And Break Them
了解规则,并打破规则
 
那些很酷的人并不总是离经叛道的,事实上,他们在社会交往中如鱼得水的很,但一旦遇到对他们有益的事,他们也会有意打破规则。
 
在“Coolness: An Empirical Investigation”这篇论文中,作者写道,叛逆是酷的重要体现:
 
Rebelliousness had the highest loading, and is arguably its most central theoretical element. This factor better embodies the core construct identified as cool in the scholarly literature (Frank, 1997; Heath & Potter, 2004; Pountain & Robins, 2000). This factor presents coolness as more opaque, less active, and less engaged: coolness as detachment and camouflage.
叛逆在如何变酷中特别重要,虽然它是否是如何变酷的最核心理论成分备受争议,在学术文献中,叛逆这一因素是如何变酷的核心要素(Frank, 1997; Heath & Potter, 2004; Pountain & Robins, 2000)。这一因素使得酷变得更难懂、更静止、更从容:酷是一种超脱,也是一种伪装。
 
打破规则为什么也会让人觉得酷呢?
 
因为这意味着力量。
 
社会

4) Focus On Attitude And Body Language Will Follow
心态变酷,身体语言自然会体现出来
 
我是不是又坐立难安了?是不是又在咬嘴唇了?点头点的是不是有点多?这次演讲语速够慢吗?刚是不是又撩头发了?又扯衣服了?又摸脖子抖腿了?
 
老是考虑这些可不光不会变酷,还会把你逼疯。
 
就像Fox-Cabane 所说的,我们很难随时随地注意自己的表情姿势有没有作对,这太难了:
 
In every minute we have hundreds of thousands of body language signals that are pouring out from us and broadcasting how we’re feeling and thinking to everyone around…
每一分钟,我们的身体都有千百种身体语言来表达自己的感觉、对他人的感觉......
 
社会

那么,我们到底怎么通过身体语言来表达自己是个酷酷的人呢?Well,首先,你的内心得确实是酷酷的,这样你的身体才会自然而然的反应你的内心:
 
The same way that athletes get themselves “into the zone” you get yourself into a mental zone of whatever body language you want to emanate. And that way it will cascade through your body from whatever mindset that you wanted to get. So it really is mind over matter in the sense that whatever's in your mind will come out through your body language.
运动员是怎么进入他们的“境界”的,同样,你也要进入自己的那一精神境界,这样你才能将自己想表达的身体语言自然而然的表达出来,通过这种方法,你的想法才能顺畅的被身体get到。所以,心态才是真正重要的,只有心态变酷,身体语言才会随之体现出来。
 
最后让我们回顾一下,要变酷需要做到哪几件事:
 
Less
Be Confident
Know The Rules And Break Them
Focus On Attitude And Body Language Will Follow
 
让我们一起做酷酷的人吧,不过,可不要用力过猛哟。


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