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夫妻关系不睦,都是父母惹的祸?

2017-06-17    来源:爱语吧    【      美国外教 在线口语培训

婆媳关系自古以来就是无数人的谈资,对此,各有各的想法。近日,研究表明夫妻吵架和父母脱不了关系。对此,你怎么看?

 

More than half of married British people blame their in-laws for relationship rows and around one in five would divorce them if they could, a study has found.

研究发现,超过一半的英国已婚人士指责对方的父母导致夫妻双方吵架。如果可以的话,约五分之一的人会选择离婚。

The top reasons for tension include in-laws giving unwanted opinions, partners taking their parents’ side, and disagreements over how to discipline grandchildren.

导致夫妻关系紧张的首要原因包括父母给出不必要的意见,伴侣会站在父母那一边,以及如何管教孩子方面的分歧。

Almost a third of those surveyed described their partners’ parents as ’interfering’, with those who clashed with in-laws exchanging cross words on average once a month.

约三分之一的受访者认为伴侣的父母喜欢“干涉”,与伴侣父母发生冲突的人们平均每一个月就会与对方发生口角。

 



Two thousand married Britons took part in the study by law firm Slater and Gordon, which said issues with extended family are often cited as a reason for divorce.

两千名英国已婚人士参与了斯莱特和戈登律所的调查,他们认为这些大家庭的问题经常被作为离婚的缘由。

The research found in-laws caused arguments in 60 per cent of marriages, while 22 per cent said they would divorce them if they could.

研究发现伴侣的父母导致60%的夫妻发生争吵,而22%的人表示,如果可以的话,他们会选择离婚。

One in five husbands and wives said their marriage suffered from lack of privacy caused by their spouse’s parents dropping in unannounced or coming to stay.

五分之一的夫妻表示他们的婚姻因配偶的父母突然来临或者留下同住使得自己失去了隐私。

Slater and Gordon said the rising cost of living means many adults borrow money from parents for large purchases, such as buying a house, and 19 per cent of those surveyed believed in-laws expected more of a say in their lives in return.

斯莱特和戈登律所表示,生活成本的上升意味着许多成年人需要从父母那里借钱来添置大件物资,比如房子。19%的受访者认为,作为回报,伴侣父母期望在他们的生活中更有发言权。

The firm’s family law specialist, Rupi Rai, said: ’Economic pressures mean people are becoming much more reliant on their parents for financial help, to get on the housing ladder, to help them out if they lose their jobs or in some cases for very personal reasons such as to pay for fertility treatment.

该公司的家庭法律专家赖路皮说:“经济压力意味着人们越来越依赖于父母的经济帮助,为了购房,也为了在他们失业或因为私人原因的某些情况下,如支付生育治疗费,父母可以帮助他们走出困境。”

’That can lead in-laws to take much more of an interest in how their money is being spent, which a child may understand, but their partner may not and may find uncomfortable.’

“结果就是父母们对他们的钱如何被消费更加感兴趣,可能他们的孩子会理解这一点,但是其伴侣未必会懂,也许会感到不舒服。”

Some 28 per cent of those surveyed claimed the problem had got so bad they had considered splitting up and around one in 10 had done.

约28%的受访者认为,问题会变得越来越糟糕。他们会考虑离婚,而十分之一的人已经这样做了。

More than a quarter said they would never have gone down the aisle if they had known how bad the problem would be.

超过四分之一的人说,如果他们早已意识到问题的严重性,他们根本就不会选择结婚。

About 22 per cent said they hid their true feelings from their partner for fear of upsetting them, with 36 per cent revealing that they made up excuses not to see in-laws or went out when they visited.

约22%的受访者认为,因为担心对方会沮丧,他们会向对方隐藏自己真实的感受,而36%的人透露,他们会找借口不去拜访父母或者在他们来访时选择外出。

Ms Rai said: ’It’s understandable to want to avoid confrontation, but it’s rarely a solution. Often your in-laws may not even realise that what they’re doing is causing offence.

赖女士表示,想避免冲突是可以理解的,但这并不是一个解决办法。大多时候父母甚至不会理解他们所做的事情正带来反感。

Addressing problems at the start is better than letting them linger and allowing resentment to build.

一开始就解决问题比让问题放置并滋生不满要好的多。

’The best advice is to try and put yourself in your in-laws’ shoes and if you still think you’re being treated unfairly, explain your concerns to your partner and them in a calm and rational way.

“最好的建议就是试着换位思考,如果你还认为自己被不公平对待,那么以冷静理性的方式向你的伴侣以及父母解释你的担忧。

We see relationships that have broken down after years of issues like these and the situation may have been different if they had been openly discussed at the time they arose.

在类似这些问题积攒很多年之后,我们会看到夫妻的关系已经破裂了。如果在问题刚出现时能够公开讨论的话,情况就大不相同了。

If you’re recently married, remember that this is new territory for them too. They have to adapt to having a daughter or son-in-law the same way you have to adapt to them.’

‘如果你刚刚结婚,记得这对于他们来说也是一个新领域。正如你必须适应他们一样,他们也必须适合有你这样一个媳妇或女婿。’



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