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为什么越长大,朋友越少?

2017-07-27    来源:普特英语听力    【      美国外教 在线口语培训

不知道大家有没有这样一种感受——

小时候,好像和身边所有人都能玩得到一起

长大后,却只和懂自己的一起玩

在 《遇见陌生人》里,作者也曾这样说过:“在人的一生中,平均会遇到2920万人,但只会与其中的3000人结交。” 不管现在有没有印象,总之,曾经会有3000个人保留下对你的记忆。但这3000个人不可能同时给你最真挚的友谊,你也不可能把你的真心平均分成3000 份。我们要做的,就是尽可能的在这3000之中画出足够大的圈,来框住那些从我们身边经过的知己。但到最后你会发现,你最好的知己,就可能只有一两个。

可能这个结果会让大家诧异,但仔细想想,好像又真的是这么回事,最近,Lifehack上的一位作者Brian Lee关于友谊分享了自己的看法,看完也许你就会明白:为什么我们越长大,朋友越少。

每个人年幼时都曾交错过朋友

Recall your best friends in high school. What made you become friends in the first place? And how did all that start out? Maybe it was because you sat beside her on the first day of school, started to chat and just decided that hey, you guys did get along famously. So you became friends, spending time together during breaks and hanging out after school…
回想你在高中最好的朋友。什么让你们成为了朋友?又或者这一切是怎样开始的?可能仅仅只是因为开学那天你们成了同桌,便开启畅聊模式,到最后发现你们之间超级合得来。就这样,你们课间腻在一起,放学后一起嗨。
 
Or maybe both of you were on the football team and there came to be a friendship when your team won or lost, or when you all just practiced hard under the watchful eye of the mean coach. All of you were in a similar state of mind and got close because you all understood how the other felt – because you felt the same way.
又或者你俩是一个足球队的,可能赢了或输了比赛的时候,你们成了朋友,也有可能只是在教练严厉的眼皮底下训练的那些日子里,你们熟知了彼此。因为感受相同,所以你们理解彼此的想法,自然而然,你们就拥有了同样的心态,彼此之间也会变得越来越亲密。
 
What drew you close and held your bonds of friendship together was a common experience. You were in the same situation together. You understood each other. You reveled in each other’s success and shed tears over failures – slowly, this forged strong bonds. But now, years later, when the commonality has vanished, these bonds are fraying or may have already unraveled. Interests have diversified, passions have waned and that common thread that held you together has long been broken.
因为经历相同,所以你们亲密无间,友谊常在。因 为处境相似,所以你们理解彼此,会为了彼此的成功而狂欢,也为失败而痛哭。慢慢地,你们的友谊也会变得更为坚固。但是,现在呢?多年之后,当一切相似点 消失殆尽,你们的友谊早已经不起磨练,或者已不复存在。没了共同的爱好,也没了年轻时的激情,那么连接你们的纽带其实也早已悄悄断裂。
 
You meet those old friends now and initially, you can talk about those memories and reminisce about those good old days but very often conversations soon die out. Why? It might be because the common factors are few and far between. You may be a hotshot executive looking to have some tipple to relax. He may be a college professor who’s also a teetotaler vegan. Or you may be a school teacher following a yogic lifestyle and she may be a model who needs her drinks and smokes to stave off her appetite. You just have grown out of your friendship.
现在,与这些老朋友再次会面时,起初,你们可能叙叙旧,追忆一下过去的时光,但是很快,谈话就不知道要怎样继续下去。为什么呢?可能你们之间的共同爱好变得 越来越少,或者越来越远。你可能是一名业绩斐然的行政人员,想喝点酒放松一下,他可能是一名大学教授,还是一名滴酒不沾的素食主义者。或者有可能你成为一名教 师,追随瑜伽生活,而她呢,成了一名模特,需要喝酒和吸烟来抑制食欲。其实你们早已从这段友谊中脱离。
 
那么为什么有些人依然可以保持朋友关系呢?Brian Lee是这样说的——

因为在内心深处,你们有着同样的价值观

Most of us may have lost many of our childhood friends, but we still have a couple of good friends around. Sound right? Now you may not meet these gems every now and then and may actually talk to them just once in a while – but you know that they’ll always be there for you…It’s because of you and these friends of you share the same core values that form the basis of a deep and lasting friendship.
大多数人已经失去了很多儿时的朋友,但我们的周围还是有那么几个好朋友。是这样吧?你可能偶尔才会见一下这些好友,或者好久才问候一下他们,但你知道他们一直都在。因为你和这些朋友有着相同的价值观,而这种相同的价值观恰好是形成深厚恒久友谊的基础。
 
Now you got it. You and your everlasting friends are very similar, deep deep down. It’s like you peel the layers of professions and hobbies and likes and dislikes and you’ll find that you and this friend of yours are very alike, in the most important things of life.
现在你明白了。你和BFF真的非常非常相似。不管是职业、爱好、喜好、厌倦,只要你细细分析,你就会发现在这些非常重要的事情上,你们真的志趣相投。
 
The same angst in the world drives you both nuts. A movie can move you to tears.You guys are the wind beneath each other’s sails and yet also are unafraid to play the devil’s advocate for each other because you want good things for your friend and vice versa.
对局势的担忧可以把你俩逼疯,一部影片也可以让你们感动到痛哭流涕。你们是彼此的依靠,也害怕成为跟对方唱反调的人,因为你总想把最好的一切给对方,反之亦然。
 
毕竟现在已经长大,那么作为成人的我们,到底又该如何建立一份深厚的友谊呢?

Brian Lee 给大家提了这样一个建议——

They key to making lasting friendships as an adult is to get to know their deep, innermost thoughts before and you can do this by not relying on your instinct and judgment but by asking questions.
作为成人,交朋友的关键就是提前了解这些人内心深处的想法。你可以通过提问的方式来了解这些,而不是依赖于你的直觉或者判断力。
 
Ask stuff that will help reveal what they believe in, what they’re strongly against for, what is their ideal world, what is their ideal life, what are their top priorities in life… Since it may just prove to be a tad awkward to ask such questions, frame them in a sly way. Play a game of truth or dare. Some of them are: “When did you last cry in front of somebody?” or “Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?” or even “What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?”…
通过提问可以反映这些人信仰什么、反对什么、他们对世界和生命的看法以及他们生命中最宝贵的东西是什么?考虑到直接问这些 问题可能会有点别扭,你可以用点“小伎俩”探探他们,比如真心话大冒险游戏,可以试试这些问题:“你上次在某人面前哭是什么时候?”“如果可以挑选世界上 任何人,你最想和谁一起共进晚餐?”或者“对于你来说,怎样才算最好的一天?”
 
Bear in mind that this method might not make us make friends more easily. Instead it might be even more difficult. The idea is not to make “more” friends, rather the “right” friends. You need to set your standards high so that you are able to be with the people that understand you, complement you and ultimately make you a happier person in a happier place. For when it comes to friendships, it’s not the quantity you should be concerned with, but the quality.
记住,这个方法对于交朋友来说可能不是很容易,反而可能会很难。但这个方法不是让你交更多朋友,而是让你认识“对的”人。你应该将自己的标准放高点,这样你才会找到理解你,提升你,最终让你开心的那个人。关于友谊,你应该考虑的不是数量,而是“质量”。

就像托马斯·富勒(Thomas Fuller) 曾经说过的:

“If you have one true friend, you have more than your share…”



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