Growing Pains 410
Toni: Mike, I really had fun today.
Mike: Well I must say, today has gone pretty much the same for me too. So far. Knock on
wood. Alright, do you like card tricks?
Toni: They're my favorite.
Mike: Alright. Pick a card, any card. Ok. Alright. Now think of that card.
Toni: The whole card?
Mike: Yeah, the whole thing. Ok, now, was your card the ace of spades?
Mike: Ok, what does that say?
Toni: It says...No way, you read my mind!
Mike: Yeah. And I can read your thought too. Shame on you.
Toni: Shame on you.
Julie: Don’t mind me.
Toni: Mike, who is this woman, and what's she doing with your shorts?
Mike: Ah, she's an employee. That will be all my good woman.
Julie: Mike, a word.
Mike: Later. You know you pay someone a salary and they think they own you.
Julie: Mike, you know you are not allowed to have girls in your room.
Toni: What are you, babe.
Julie: Dinner's on as soon as your mother gets home.
Mike: Ah, listen. Toni, where were we?
Toni: Mike, I'm very sorry but I've got to leave.
Mike: Hey, no, no, no, no, Toni. Come on. Don’t listen to Julie. I mean she's just someone that
my parents hired to take care of my stupid little sister.
Toni: No, see. I just don’t date guys who aren't allowed to have girls in their rooms. I have a
Mike: Toni, Toni, Toni. Come on. You just can’t do this. Walking into my room. Turn off the
lights. Start talking suggestive, and then just leave?
Toni: Mike, I'm dumb, but I’m not stupid.
Mike: hey look Julie. Who the heck gave you permission to come barging up to my place any
time you want. And who the heck gave you a key?
Julie: You did, right after you said "Julie, come up to my place any time you want".
Mike: Look, I withdraw that permission and you give me back my key. You know, you have no
right to come barging into my, my uh..
Julie: Into your what?
Mike: Into my what what.
Julie: You're the one talking.
Mike: Yeah, well, well look. I'd appreciate it in the future if you'd keep your..
Julie: My what?
Mike: Your what what. Uh. Maybe I could finish if you'd stop interrupting me.
Julie: I haven’t said a word. Look Mike. I'm just trying to do my job.
Mike: Well uh. Speaking of your job Julie, what time do you get out of here?
Julie: Pretty soon. Why?
Mike: Well, I bet I could make that right now. See I got a bit of pull with your..Uh mum!
Julie: My mum!
Maggie: Hey gang.
Julie: Hey Maggie. Dinner's on the stove.
Maggie: Oh great. Were you able to arrange that thing that I...Oh mike. Could you go tell
everybody that the dinner's ready?
Mike: Yeah. Sure.
Mike: Oh yeah. Don’t anybody go anyplace.
Maggie: So you can make the trip with us?
Julie: Yeah, it’s fine.
Maggie: Oh great. I can’t wait to tell the family, all at once as a surprise. Now I’m not ruining
any weekend plans that you had am I?
Julie: Well, I had a date, but its no big deal. I can change it.
Julie: Maggie, believe me. Things weren't going anywhere with this guy. He already failed my
little Willie test.
Maggie: Pardon me?
Julie: Oh, well Willie's my little baby brother. See I bring guys to my parents house to meet
Willie, and if they start getting real uncomfortable and saying " hey, hey, hey. You're messing
with my suit", then I know he's a waste of my time. But if he starts playing around with them
and stuff, then I know I’ve got a ...
Maggie: A keeper.
Julie: Exactly. Pretty nuts hu?
Maggie: No, its pretty smart. In fact, could you mention that to Carol, and not make it sound
like I said "can you mention that to Carol".
Julie: Sure. Now Chrissy's upstairs sleeping. I'm going to go home and pack and be back in an
Maggie: Great. See you then.
Mike: Did Julie leave?
Maggie: Uh hu.
Mike: Where did she go?
Maggie: Well as a matter of fact she...
Maggie: Oh Hi everybody. Sit down, I have wonderful news.
Ben: Yeah, like Mike already told us. Dinners on.
Maggie: No. It’s even better than that. You know how we've been talking about doing a
getaway family weekend? Well how does leaving tonight, for two days in Martha's Vineyard
Jason: Honey, you know how much those beech houses cost to rent?
Carol: So I get stuck watching Chris, while you guys have a great time.
Mike: Drop me a card.
Maggie: First of all Jason, my boss is letting us use his beach house, free of charge.
Jason: Free! Well, well, well, well. Hey, this sounds like fun, hey kids?
Maggie: Julie just told me that she can come with us and help out with Chrissy.
Carol: Oh great. I'm in.
Maggie: And Mike. Well, if you're not interested in a family weekend I don’t...
Mike: Mum, mum. I live for family fun. Count me in.
Jason: So the fact that Julie's coming has nothing to do with your decision to go?
Mike: Julie going?
Julie: Shhh! She just fell asleep. Jason, if we leave now I think she'll sleep the whole way.
Jason: Let me see if Maggie’s ready.
Mike: Dad, listen, I'm ready now, and we got to take two cars anyway, so why don’t I just take
Jason: Ok. Sure. Here's the address, and uh, why don’t you take this map. Just incase.
Mike: Me get lost! Dad, dad, dad.
Jason: Mike, cut the macho stuff. Would you just take the map please?
Mike: Well no dad, I thought that maybe I should leave it for you.
Jason: Me get lost. Mike, mike, mike, mike.
Julie: Take it.
Maggie: Ben and Carol are still packing.
Jason: OK. Mike and Julie are going to hit the road now so Chrissy can get some sleep.
Maggie: But I wanted the baby with us.
Jason: Maggie, lets let sleeping babies lie.
Maggie: Enough said.
Maggie: Jason, why is a four hour ride taking five hours?
Jason: It does not take five hours.
Maggie: Excuse me, four hours and fifty eight minutes. You promised if you couldn’t find the
cut off, you'd look at the map.
Jason: Well, I didn’t mmnmmm.
Jason: I didn’t bring the map.
Carol: He's kidding isn’t he mum?
Jason: Carol, do I seem to be in a jocular mood to you?
Maggie: Of all the silly macho things to do.
Jason: Maggie, we're going to be just fine. I have a feeling ..
Jason and Ben: We'll be there before we know it.
Jason: Yeah, we could have left you at Stinky's for the weekend.
Maggie: All of this could have been avoided if you just brought the stupid map.
Jason: Maggie, it wouldn't have made any difference if we brought the map. I mean obviously
they've moved the sign for the cut off. The one that reads..
Ben: To the ferry boat landing.
Jason: See even Ben remembers.
Ben: Of course I remember. We just passed it.
Carol: Is this where you buy the ferry tickets to Martha's Vineyard?
Jason: You could have just "yes it is".
Ben: Can we get on the boat now?
Ticket man: Course son. Don’t see why you'd want to. It doesn’t pull out till the morning.
Jason: There's no other way to get on the island?
Ticket man: Or off the island for that matter. Unless you've got fins and a blow hole. Local
Jason: I got a teenage son and he's trapped on that island with a nineteen year old blond.
Ticket man: Oh. What will become of him?
Well, here we are. A living room, bedroom and indoor plumbing. With a flusher.
Julie: I'll get Chrissy settled upstairs.
Mike: I'm sorry, but you look so familiar.
Man: Maybe you met my twin brother. Chester. Runs the ferry from the mainland. I got the
looks and the personality. He got the ferry.
Mike: Right, well my family is going to be coming up on the next ferry, so when does that get
Mike: Pardon me?
Man: There's no way on or off this island til morning. Unless you've got fins and a blow hole.
Ha ha ha. Local joke.
Julie: So we are stuck here all night, alone?
Man: Little lady. You and you're hubby....
Julie: He is not my husband.
Man: Well, makes no difference to me. I'm a liberal thinker. Not a prude like my brother. Good
Julie: Chrissy's all settles up there.
Mike: Well Julie, looks like it’s just you and me tonight.
Julie: You, me and Chrissy.
Mike: Oh right. You me and Chrissy. Oh what will they think of next. These sleeping bags zip
Julie: Mike, I've got to tell you something.
Julie: And this isn’t easy.
Mike: Oh come on Julie. You can tell me, you can tell me anything.
Julie: Don’t hit on me tonight.
Mike: Almost anything.
Julie: I really didn’t mean that the way that it sounded, but..
Mike: Julie, Julie, its fine. Its fine, uh, in fact I am very relieved. I was thinking how am I
going to fight this poor girl off, who so obviously wants all of me.
Mike: Uh hu hu. No touching. Hello.
Jason: Mike, it’s me.
Mike: Hey, what the heck happened to you guys?
Jason: Well, we missed the last ferry, so we are here at the quote "Historic Whale Watch Inn".
We are lucky enough to get the "there she blows" suite.
Mike: So, uh, are you guys doing ok?
Ben: Its going to be a while Carol. The fat guy from Ohio's still hogging the bathroom.
Jason: Never better. So how about you?
Mike: Yeah, things are looking good here.
Jason: Mike look. Just remember t hat Julie's there to look after Chris. Ok. And I do not, and I
repeat, do not want you to think of her as a pretty girl you're stranded with all night on an
island. Alright? You got to think of Julie as, uh, as your mother.
Mike: Dad, that’s sick.
Ben: Come on, I’m dying out here.
Jason: Ben, tell your mother I’ve got mike on the phone.
Ben: I can’t. I don’t want to lose my shot if the fat guy gives up the can.
Jason: I'll get her. Mike, hold on will you.
Ben: You sly dog.
Mike: Hey, what are you talking about?
Ben: Oh come on, you bribed that ferry boat guy to cancel the last boat so you could make
moves on Julie. Didn’t you?
Mike: Well, uh. It is a bit chilly now, but I am expecting a warm front soon.
Ben: Here's mum. Sleep well.
Maggie: Hi Mike. How's my baby?
Mike: Please mum. I'm fine.
Maggie: I meant Chrissy.
Mike: Oh, oh, she's fine too.
Ben: You're not the fat guy from Ohio.
Maggie: Mike, I hope you are going to be a gentleman tonight.
Mike: Mum, when have I not been a gentleman?
Maggie: Ha ha ha. That’s funny. Listen, I just want you to think of Julie as, well,
Maggie: Mike, that’s sick. But you get the idea. Ok, let me talk to Julie.
Mike: Ok. Hey Julie, it’s my mum.
Maggie: Hi Julie. Is my baby ok?
Julie: Well now that we got the ground rules down, I think he'll be just fine.
Julie: Just kidding. Chrissy is great.
Maggie: Great. Well thank you Julie. Bye bye.
Julie: Bye bye.
Jason: Honey, you look worried.
Maggie: Well it’s just that it’s my baby’s first night alone.
Jason: With a girl. I know.
Maggie and Jason: That too.
Mike: Notice anything different?
Julie: You are wearing that silly smoking jacket.
Mike: Very observant. It’s not mine though.
Julie: I didn’t think so.
Mike: Alright Julie. Pick a card, any card and I will read your mind. Ok, was your card the ace
Julie: That’s not it.
Mike: Ok, but the answer to my question is..
Julie: It’s another card.
Mike: So the one word answer is..Forget it. I hate card tricks. You know Julie. Um..I, I, I really
respect a woman who's into the book thing. You know, I’m not the type of man who thinks of
every woman as a mere play thing.
Julie: Just every other woman.
Mike: Julie, I’m surprised at you. You know I mean, hey, you act like I’m trying to put a move
on you or something.
Julie: Mike, just be honest.
Julie: Yeah, I like honest.
Mike: You like honest?
Julie: Very much.
Mike: Alright. I'll give you honest, I’ll give you honest up the Wazoo. I mean, I think you are
Julie: That’s sweet Mike. I think you are kind of cute too.
Mike: Really? Yeah. Well I also think, as long as this honesty deal is cooking, that we could
possibly make a cute couple.
Julie: Mike, it takes me more to get interested in a guy than being really cute.
Mike: Oh, so now it’s really cute. A minute ago you said kinda cute. It sounds to me like you
are not being totally honest. I can’t continue this conversation.
Julie: Ok Mike, I do think you are attractive.
Mike: I believe you said really attractive.
Julie: But if people just went for people that they found really attractive, where would we be?
Mike: Exactly. I'm holding out for an ugly woman.
Julie: You're a pretty funny kid.
Mike: A kid. Hu. That’s funny. You really meant that, didn’t you?
Julie: Well yeah.
Mike: So I have absolutely no shot here, whatsoever? Oh fine. Fine, fine, fine. I was crazy to
think that you’d think that I was...You probably think of me the same as you do Ben. Right?
Yeah. And I wore a stupid smoking jacket and everything.
Julie: Mike. Mike, I didn’t mean to insult you. Maybe it’s just better if we don’t talk.
Mike: So just to be totally clear, you have absolutely no attraction here what so ever?
Julie: I didn’t say that.
Mike: So you admit, there is some kind of attraction?
Julie: Were you always like this as a child?
Mike: Yeah. Pretty much. Maybe a little shorter. What about you. I mean, were you like this
when you were a child?
Julie: Oh no. When I was a little girl, I was very uptight.
Mike: You've come a long way.
Julie: Actually I have. I'll tell you something, I was so shy that I didn’t have my first date until
I was sixteen.
Mike: That's not so weird. I mean I didn’t have my first date until I was...really?
Julie: It was hard for me to get to know any boys. We moved around a lot. See my dad was in
the marines, and, gosh I’ve lived just about every place in the world where people don’t even
speak English. Maybe I did get asked out before I was sixteen. But I really never knew what
they were saying.
Mike: So I decided to sign up to Alf Landen Junior college and see what happened。
Julie: But you are serious about wanting to give acting a try？
Mike: Yeah， I think so。I mean it was the only part of high school I was any good at。But，
uh， the thought of actually doing it scares me to death。That’s something I never told
Julie: Isn’t this kind of neat。Just talking。Like friends， and not like， you know。
Mike: Yeah， it is。Who knew？ So， uh， we were talking about the guys you were dating。
Julie: When were we doing that?
Mike: Hey look， if you are uncomfortable with the subject of who you are dating， then we can
change the subject。
Mike: So who‘s dating you？
Julie: Ok, I’ve been dating this guy.
Mike: There you go. I sit serious?
Mike: No, he's probably not into this talking thing like I am.
Julie: Well what about you. Was that girl in your apartment your girlfriend?
Mike: Toni? Toni, no.
Julie: Why, is there something wrong with her?
Mike: No, there's nothing wrong with her, it's just that..I don’t know, if I’m going to have a
girlfriend, she's got to have...more.
Julie: Toni looked like she had plenty to me.
Mike: No, I don’t mean more like that. I mean...
Julie: Mike, I like you when you don’t know what to say next.
Mike: Well gosh. I don’t know what to say next.
Julie: You know Mike, I guess I’m looking for more too.
Mike: Yeah. What?
Julie: Well, it’s hard to put into words but I think I’ll know him when I find him.
Mike: Yeah, I think I know what you mean. I've dated a lot of girls like Toni before, but, I don’t
know, lately its getting tough. I mean, it’s like last week, I went out with this incredibly hot
babe at this drive in and I fell asleep. Please don’t ever tell anybody that I told you that.
Mike: Julie! Alright, I’m coming Chrissy. I'm coming. Hey look, if you stop crying, I’ll give you
my car. How you doing Chrissy, hu? Hey, I think you'll like my car. It’s a five speed. Driving
stick. Good. You want you rattle? Here you go. Here you go. Hey come on. Hey hey. Hey hey
hey. Hey hey we're the ms, people say we m around, I will keep on singing,
because you're smiling now. Hey hey you're a baby, doo dee doo dee doo doo doo..
Uh, hi. How long have you been, uh?
Julie: You were listening when I was telling your mum about my little Willie test yesterday.
Julie: No, you couldn't have been.
Mike: Uh, Julie. Why are you looking at me like that?
Julie: Cos you are not who I thought you were.
Mike: Yeah. Well who am I?
Julie: You are more.
Mike: Oh no. No no no no no. You're going to make me start thinking that I’ve got a shot
again, and then you're going to tell em no. Right?
Mike: Well then, a no no, or a no yes?
Mike: Yes yes?
Julie: Shut up Mike. (kiss) This can’t happen. I work for your parents.
Mike: Oh, oh! Well listen. You don’t work o the weekends, do you?
Julie: But I’m older than you and when you were one I was twice as old as you.
Mike: Ah, yeah, but when you were ten, and I nine, you were only ten percent older than me.
Julie: Yeah, but...
Mike: And now that you are nineteen and I’m eighteen, that makes you only....Well the point
is, I’m gaining on you. This way, I could maybe even pass you.
Julie: But, don’t pass me Mike.
Mike: Maybe just catch up.
Julie: Chrissy needs changing.
Mike: Hey Julie..
Julie: Uh hu?
Mike: It was nice spending the night with you.
Julie: Michael Seaver, you really are neat.
Mike: I'm neat. Hey hey. Mumo, dadio. How’s it going?
Maggie: Hi Mike. Where's Chrissy?
Mike: Uh, she's up in the room with Julie. Hey dad.
Jason: So mike. Did you sleep well?
Mike: Hardly at all. I mean, uh..Look dad. Dad. Nothing you are worried about happened, so
you don’t need to worry bout it.
Carol: Ben, I can’t carry this all by myself.
Ben: Then get some help.
Mike: I'm going to go help the kids unload the car.
Jason: Hey mike. What's your angle?
Mike: No angle.
Jason: Maggie, Mike says nothing happened between him and Julie and I’m very confused.
Jason: Cos I believe him.
Maggie: Jason, I don’t see them together. They don’t have much in common.
Jason: Well I can see the attraction in Freudian terms. You know men are often attracted to
women who remind them of their mothers.
Maggie: Oh, you think Julie reminds him of me?
Jason: Yeah. Sure. She's blond, she's smart. She's cute. Not much of a sense of hu.....Hu li li.