Growing Pains 404
Maggie: Jason, if I tell you something, will you promise not to laugh?
Maggie: I miss Mike already.
Jason: Excuse me. Ah ha ha ha. Eggs or pancakes.
Maggie: You know what I think? Well I’ll tell you what I think. I think you miss Mike as much
as I do.
Jason: Honey, he just moved out seven hours ago for crying out aloud. And its just over the
Maggie: I guess this is something that all parents have to go through. Facing the day when
their baby leaves the nest and doesn’t need anything from them anymore.
Mike: Dad I need your tool box.
Jason: Basement, behind the dryer.
Mike: Alright thanks.
Maggie: Mike, have a meal.
Mike: Sorry mum, no time. I have tons of work to do on my place. Believe me, you guys will
not be disappointed. I am taking to independence like Carol takes to food.
Jason: Still miss him?
Carol: Good morning all. The first Mike free morning. I love it.
Mike: Behind the washer or dryer?
Carol: I thought you moved?
Mike: I thought you showered.
Maggie: Well I have to change the baby. Carol, will you set the table please?
Carol: Well it was my day yesterday. Today is Mike’s day.
Jason: Well Mike has chores at his own place now. Some of the load will have to shift.
Carol: So how come every time a load gets shifted, it plops on me?
Jason: Carol, I’m trying to cook food here.
Carol: Ok, ok, its beneath me to complain.
Ben: Anything beneath you..
Carol: One word from you, and you will wish, as I do, that you’d never been born.
Carol: So now that Mikes gone, its your job to insult me?
Ben: You got it jumbo.
Mike: Alright. Electrical tape?
Jason: Living room end table drawer.
Jason: Oh Mike. Just so we get this rental agreement off on the right foot here, you know that
rent is due in..
Mike: In advance.
Mike: Right, thanks.
Jason: That would, uh, be today Mike.
Mike: What you mean like right now?
Jason: That, uh, rent is fifty Mike. You're thirty short.
Mike: Well how the heck could that be?
Alright, I will be back in less than a minute.
Carol: He said that he'd be back. He didn’t say that he'd have the money.
Maggie: Yeah honey?
Mike: Hi Chris. You know mum, what with me fixing up my new place and all, I’ve kinda run a
little out of money for food and..
Maggie: Of course sweetheart. How much do you need?
Mike: Oh, just thirt...Forty would be terrific.
Mike: Thirty, forty and fifty.
Jason: Well congratulations Mike. You're first months rent on your first apartment, paid in full
and on time.
Mike: The first of many dad.
Jason: Carol, I think you should consider having a little more faith in your brother now that
he's out on his own.
Maggie: Jason, do you have any cash? I need to go shopping and I just lent all mine to Mike.
Mike: Hey dad. What’s up?
Jason: Your scam. Did you really think it was alright to borrow your rent money from mum?
Mike: Yeah. Hey could you hold this?
Jason: Mike, come on. Now we had an agreement about you renting, that we, uh, agreed to.
Now here is your first day and..
Mike: Yeah, but you didn’t say anything about where I got the rent money.
Jason: No, but come on.
Mike: Can you pull it a little tighter?
Jason: Come on Mike. Now the spirit of our agreement is that there is a price that you pay to
be on your own. An here you are, and right away, you're splicing into our cable TV, aren’t you?
Mike: Yeah, and you're helping me.
Jason: Mike, this is wrong.
Mike: Well then don’t do it. I'll just get Ben.
Jason: We've got to talk.
Mike: What? Now?
Jason: Yes. We've got to get this agreement of our cleared up if its to have any future, If
you're going to have any future.
Mike: Dad, can we just talk about this later? I've got class in an hour.
Jason: No! We cant. We..you've got a what?
Mike: Class in an hour.
Jason: Uh hu. Sure, no, good. Ok.
Mike: Ok. Thanks. Hey dad.
Mike: I just wanted to say that I didn’t like borrowing that rent money from um. Its just that I
really wanted to honor our agreement.
Jason: Uh hu. Honor’s good.
Mike: Yeah thanks. See you later.
Jason: Well what do you know. What do you know what do you know, what do you know wo
Jason: Listen to this. Do you know what Mike just said?
Maggie: Mikes not here Jason and you're hopping up and down all alone.
Jason: No but he was here. Listen to this. He just said he was going to class.
Maggie: Mike who?
Jason: Our son. That’s not all. He also said that he wanted to honor our agreement. I'm not
making this up.
Jason: And, he also apologized for borrowing the rent money from you so he could pay the
Maggie: That’s why he wanted the money?
Maggie: But he said that was for food. He lied to me.
Jason: He realizes that.
Maggie: Of course he realizes it. He did it.
Jason: Calm down.
Maggie: Well Jason, I certainly cant let him get away with lying to me.
Jason: Oh yes you can, wait a bit.
Maggie: I can.
Jason: He lied to you to honor our agreement.
Maggie: Oh and that's more important?
Jason: No, I’m just saying that finally I think he's showing a little maturity and responsibility.
He's actually choosing to go to class. And I think that’s the direct result of us giving him a
little independence and space. Treating him like an adult.
Maggie: Oh if you're convinced that you're agreement is working, I can hold off talking to
Jason: Its working better than I dreamed.
Jason: Good! Now I need cash for the market, can you give me the money that I gave to Mike,
that he gave you for the rent? You know Jason, if I didn’t know better, I’d think that Mike just
got out of paying his rent.
Jason: Oh can I help with those groceries?
Maggie: No. Your timing, as usual, is perfect.
Jason: Not really, I was hiding in the hallway til I heard you close your trunk.
Maggie: That’s ok. Mike helped me.
Jason: Mike's still here?
Maggie: And he was so sweet about it. I didn’t even have to ask. I mean, I got to hand it to
you. You were right and...wait a minute, there's a bag missing.
Jason: well, we're going to have a son missing too.
Maggie: You don’t know that he took it.
Jason: Took what?
Maggie: What have we been talking about?
Jason: Talking about the fact that Mike is still here when he said he was going to class.
Maggie: We were?
Jason: Yes Maggie. He lied to me.
Maggie: You seem upset.
Jason: Of course I am. Wouldn’t you be?
Maggie: I would. I was. I am. Lets go talk to him.
Jason: No Maggie. Wait a minute., The easiest thing in the world for me to do would be to go
up there and treat him like a spoilt child. But we agreed, we're going to give him some room,
some freedom. The freedom to fail.
Maggie: we gave him the freedom, he failed. Lets go.
Jason: Maggie, no. There's got to be a way to get some action without violating our
Jason: Sorry Mike, I must have got a little careless with these clippers.
Boner: Same thing happens with my baba.
Jason: The one and only.
Jason: well where's Mike?
Boner: Just missed him. He had a history class and he needed someone to wait here for a
Jason: I thought his class started half an hour ago.
Boner: Oh it did.
Jason: Well I guess a little class is better than none.
Boner: That’s my motto.
Jason: Boner, you said you were waiting for a delivery?
Boner: No. I didn’t.
Jason: Yes you did.
Boner: Darn. I wasn’t supposed to tell you.
Jason: What else weren’t you supposed to tell me?
Boner: well that Mikey bought a....don’t Doctor Seaver. You almost tricked me.
Jason: I was foolish to try.
Boner: Listen, do you mind if we don’t talk anymore, cos I don’t trust myself.
Boner: Thanks. Though, I’ve got to hand it to you , doctor Seaver, I think its great that you
are letting Mike move out, screw around and stay out all night, miss classes, and not yelling at
him or anything. That’s what I call being a decent father.
Jason: You have no idea what hearing you say that means to me Boner.
Boner: I mean my dad gets nervous if I spend more than five minutes in the bathroom. Can
you imagine what he'd do if I spent three hundred bucks on a water bed?
Mike: Hey there dad.
Jason: Hey Mike. Long day?
Mike: Yeah. College aint no nine to five job.
Mike: Yeah, just a little bit.
Jason: well never mind that cold baloney. I saved you a plate.
Mike: Ah thanks. That’s mighty nice of you dad.
Jason: I good hot meal to help you study.
Mike: It didn’t all through high school.
Jason: So that’s meat loaf, green beans, and potatoes.
Mike: Yep, sure is. what’s this?
Jason: Your check.
Mike: You're charging me now?
Jason: Uh hu.
Mike: But dad. Our agreement includes meal privileges.
Jason: When you're on time.
Mike: Oh, so because I’m a couple of measly hours late, you’re going to make me pay?
Jason: Look, I’m not really charging you Mike. This is an object lesson. I just wanted you to
see that you're going to have to be more faithful to our deal.
Mike: Dad, if there's anyone who is violating our agreement, its you.
Jason: Wait a minute, you're the one who didn’t pay the rent.
Mike: I did pay it.
Jason: Oh yeah. with mums money. And we were going to talk about that except we couldn’t
because you said you were off to class.
Mike: I did go to class.
Jason: Yeah, half an hour late. And why were you late Mike? Because you were out there
waiting for a delivery of some water bed that you bought with money which you should have
set aside for your rent.
Mike: what did you do? Hire some private detective or something?
Jason: Oh come on. Don’t change the subject.
Mike: I'm not. The subject is that you have been acting more like a dad ever since I moved
out, than you did when I lived here.
Jason: Look, I gave you total freedom mike. Unfortunately you showed that you cant handle it.
So now I got to take it back.
Mike: Well you cant have it.
Jason: So what. So you don’t want my help anymore? My guidance?
Jason: Oh wait a minute. Just before you say that Mike, just think. Think. Yeah, I could treat
you like a stranger, like a tenant. With no freebies and no bending of the rules. Or I could treat
you like my son. Now yes, there's occasional interference which goes along with that, but also
all the love and support. Now come on. So what’s it going to be, tenant or son?
Mike: I'll take tenant!
Jason: Oh fine. If that’s the way you want it..
Mike: That’s the way I want it.
Jason: Well if that’s the way you want it then. that’s the way it will be. from now on, I have no
Jason: Maggie, I have bent over backwards for this boy. I've approached him with love,
Maggie: What’s this?
Jason: Oh nothing.
Maggie: Students meat loaf special, eight ninety five.
Jason: Ok that’s the check I gave mike for his dinner. It was an object lesson.
Maggie: Jason, you charged our son eight ninety five for your cruddy meat loaf?
Jason: I could have charged a la carte.
Maggie: Jason, you are missing the point.
Jason: How can you have this attitude when you know full well the only reason he borrowed
money from you was to buy that stupid water bed.
Maggie: Knowing what?
Jason: Oh don’t play dumb. I didn’t mention that?
Maggie: No you didn’t.
Jason: well I meant to. Ok, I should have. Can we fight about that after we fight about this?
Maggie: Did you tell mike that he cant waste his money on a water bed?
m Then I will.
Jason: No Maggie. Look, if he wants to be treated like a tenant, then that’s how we'll treat him.
He has no idea what he's giving up.
Maggie: Uh hu. So lets see. At this point Mike has his own place without paying the rent, he's
skipping classes and he has a water bed.
Jason: And he's naive enough to think he's got it made.
Boner: Hey, us trio of guys are going to have great times in this bed.
Eddie: Shut up Bone head. Michael, I’m ashamed of myself man. I mean when I heard you
wee moving out over the garage instead of a real apartment, well I’ll just say it, I thought you
were wimping out.
Boner: Bite your tongue!
Eddie: Hey you bite it. But I now see I was wrong. You have got your parental units all
wrapped around your little finger you dog.
Mike: Nah, I don’t have any units. my parents disowned me.
Eddie: You lucky stiff. Now this apartment aint quite as big as mine, but it will do.
Mike: Yeah, well you got to share yours with your cousin.
Eddie: Yeah well, Dennis goes his way and I go mine. At least I still don’t live at home with
mummy and daddy.
Boner: Hey, I want to move out. I'm just not allowed to.
Mike: Hey, who turned off the water?
Mike: Hey, what’s going on?
Jason: I'm sorry Mr. Seaver, but until the tenant pays his rent, there will be no water.
Mike: Oh come on dad.
Jason: Oh, your father's here? I would love to meet him.
Eddie: So, what do you want to do Mike?
Mike: I don’t know, what do you guys want to do?
Eddie: Hey, lets see what’s on the ecstasy channel.
Mike: No, I'm having cable trouble.
Boner: I know what Eddie, we can go to your house and watch TV.
Eddie: Oh, sorry guys. Can't. My cousin's having a party.
Boner: Oh, I’m into that.
Mike: Alright. There are going to be tons of babes there.
Boner: I know, we could go to my house and see if my mums got a crock pot.
Eddie: Oh hey, I could use a home cooked meal.
Mike: No no, you guys go ahead and do that family thing. I'm going to stay here and get
something happening with my half empty water bed.
Boner: I like to think of it as half full.
Eddie: I like to think of you as a half wit.
Mike: See you later guys.
Eddie: Have a good time.
Mike: Yep, this is great. I can do anything I want. This is living.
Jason: Hold on to it Ben. Yes that’s it. Yes, swish. Almost swish. Good, lets see how you do
against a little defense. Ready? Ho ho ho ho. Up and in. Hey, great move son.
Ben: Thanks for showing it to me dad.
Jason: Well that’s what fathers are for. Spending some quality time with their sons. You'll
appreciate that when you get a little older. And speaking of getting older Ben, isn’t it about
time I raised your allowance?
Ben: Say, it sure is.
Jason: What would you say to another ten dollars a week?
Ben: How bout we make it twenty?
Jason: We rehearsed this Ben.
Ben: So you will give me twenty?
Jason: Well there it is lad, another twenty dollars.
Ben: Gee being the oldest son is OK.
Jason: That’s enough Ben
Ben: I wouldn’t be surprised if I live here my whole life.
Jason: Don’t get carried away.
Ben: Man, when I grow up, I’m never moving out.
Jason: Ok, its about lunch time. Ben, what was that?
Ben: I was acting.
Jason: Well don’t plan a career on it.
Ben: Gee dad, I did the best I could.
Jason: Yeah, I’m sorry. It was good.
Ben: Now that was acting.
Jason: Ho ho, ho, ho! Wow! wow!
Mike: Benny! hey Benny come in, come in.
Ben: You mean inside?
Mike: Yeah, of course.
Ben: But you said I couldn’t come in unless..what a cool bed.
Mike: Hey do you want to touch it?
Mike: So, what’s going on?
Ben: With me?
Mike: Yeah with you, mum, carol, the baby and uh, you know, everybody.
Ben: Well, carols in a panic because she gained a pound and a half. Mums not talking to dad,
dads not talking to mum, and I made twenty bucks. Is this thing legal?
Mike: Yeah, in some states. Hey, why don’t you stay for dinner?
Ben: Dinner. Um, I’m supposed to..
Mike: I got your favorite, baked beans.
Ben: Um, no, see, that’s what I’m here fro. I'm supposed to invite you to a family dinner at
that restaurant with the ninety none foot salad bar.
Mike: Family dinner. Uh, whose inviting me?
Ben: Well, I’m not supposed to say. Dad would kill me.
Ben: Oh, no..
Mike: No worries Benny. I wont tell dad that you spilled your guts.
Mike: Well, well. Dads inviting me to a family dinner. Isn’t that interesting.
Carol: Did you tell dad that you invited Mike?
Maggie: I didn’t tell him anything. When you're married you'll understand.
Maggie: Did you get Mike to come with us?
Ben: I sure did. I got his beans too. Boy was I great. He even thinks dad invited him. You
know lying is fun when you call it acting.
Maggie: That’s good Ben. Sort of. Lets get in the car.
Jason: Well, well. What do you know.
Mike: Yeah, what do you know.
Jason: So you finally decided to join the..
Mike: I finally decided!
Jason: Oh, I finally did?
Mike: Dad, you're the one who invited me..
Jason: You wanted to be the tenant.
Mike: Dad! If you want me to come, just say.
Jason: I'm the father. I'll talk first. Ok?
Mike: Well I thought I didn’t have a father.
Jason: I said I was a father, not your father. And this father is taking his family out to a
Saturday dinner. The question is, what are you doing here?
Maggie: I invited him. Can we please go now?
Jason: What? Then I’m not going.
Mike: Well I’m not going.
Maggie: That’s it. That’s it, I am not going to stand here and listen to the two of you butt
Mike: Do you hear what she called us?
Jason: Maggie, you are getting so excited.
Maggie: You bet I am. And I should have got excited the minute you two started acting like
tenant and landlord instead of father and son. I mean what a load of poppy cock. Pardon my
language. But the truth is Mike, you can never be just a tenant. I mean if it were that easy to
get rid of a child who was acting like a total jack arse, and lets face it mike, skipping class,
lying, not paying your rent because you wasted it on a water bed, is being a total jack arse. If
it were that easy to turn your kids into tenants, there would be parents with renters in every
home in every garage in North America and Canada. And Jason, what burns me up is that you
know better. But honey sometimes you've got the temperature on high, and nothing in the
Jason: Well I’m..
Maggie: Don’t interrupt me. I'm hungry.
Ben: Me too!
Maggie: But I don’t want to go out anymore. I want to cook for my family, my entire family.
Even the ones who are acting like major loons. Ben, Carol, out of the car. So I am going to
walk back inside and start to cook dinner. And if the two of you are two hours late, or even
twenty years late, you will always have a place at my table. No charge.
Mike: Boy, something bothering her.
Mike: I don’t think she should have treated us like that at all.
Jason: Me either. I mean she thinks we are being irrational just because we applied a little bit
of logic to a very difficult and kind of
Jason: And kind of complex.
Mike: Yeah. So what are you going to do?
Jason: Well I’m not going back in there. Not yet.
Mike: Me either. Think I’m just going to go upstairs and eat my beans.
Jason: Good luck.
Jason: Yeah, I’m just going to stay out here.
Mike: You're going to stay out here?
Jason: Uh hu.
Mike: Isn't it kind of cold?
Jason: Not as cold as it is in the kitchen.
Mike: Ok. See you later.
Mike: Hey dad.
Jason: What’s this?
Mike: Rest of my rent money. And not a cent of it is from mum, or Carol or Ben.
Jason: well you cornered Boner.
Mike: You really don’t know me at all, do you dad?
Carol: Now dads got his arm around mike.
Ben: He's probably strangling him.
Carol: No, no. They are laughing.
Ben: And talking.
Maggie: Thank god. Carol, set the table please. For five.
Carol: Before I do anything, I want to make sure that they are actually getting along. Damn it,