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六级写作对比范文:绿化我们的城市

2014-03-04    来源:网络    【      托福雅思口语高分过

第一段:
【普通版】
Recently, with the development of businesses and industries, more and more trees have disappeared in big cities. We have tried our best to prevent people from cutting trees. But, it is important to realize to make our cities green.

【润色版】
In contemporary society, while our industries and businesses have experienced a(n) rapid/ fast/ amazing/ marked/ fantastic development, the number of trees in many large cities has declined/ decreased/ reduced sharply/ dramatically. Although remarkable efforts have been exerted to prevent more trees from being cut, the realization of making cities greener is still of great importance.
注:区分industry 和 industrial


第二段:
绿化城市会带来很多好处。其一,绿化城市能够净化空气。科学研究已经证明树木通过吸收作用可以降低大气中碳化合物的含量。其二,它能够美化城市。到处是花草树木,我们会欣然地感到自己置身于美丽的花园中。最后,绿化城市能够带来大量木材,这是解决自然资源短缺的有效办法。

【普通版】
There are many advantages in making cities greener. First, it makes our air clean. Scientific research has proved that trees can reduce a great amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere through absorption. Second, it adds to the beauty of our cities. With trees and flowers everywhere, there is a pleasant feeling that we live in a beautiful garden and are closer to nature. Finally, it will bring us a lot of timber. And this is an effective way to solve the problem of lack of natural resources.

【润色版】
What benefits can the program of making cities greener bring to us? First, the air will be cleaner. Scientific experiments have already proved that trees can reduce air pollution by producing a lot of oxygen. This will improve the quality of the urban environment. Second, our cities will look more beautiful. Just imagine the city which is full of trees and flowers. What an attractive garden it is! What’s more, by making cities greener, we can provide our industry with timber the precious natural resources.


第三段:
绿化城市需要全国人民共同努力,人们不仅要广泛认识到城市绿化对城市环境的贡献,还应该同心协力栽植更多的树木并保护它们不受商业使用的侵犯。

【普通版】
Making cities greener requires people’s efforts all over the country. And people should not only realize that it is important to make cities greener for its contribution to urban environment, but also plant trees and protect them from being used in business.

【润色版】
Making cities greener requires more than widespread awareness; it calls for an immediate commitment to planting more trees and growing more flowers.

(Making cities greener requires the whole nation’s efforts. And not only should most people gain the awareness of the significant contribution of making cities greener to urban environment, but also make a commitment to the protection of more trees against business.)



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