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英语六级范文(8)

2014-03-20    来源:网络    【      托福雅思口语高分过

Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay entitled "What electives to choose". You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below.

1.各大学为学生开设了多种多样的选修课;2.学生出于各种原因选择不同的选修课;3.以我自己为例……

【原文】
What electives to choose
Nowadays colleges have various elective courses for students to choose. Students from different departments may sit in the same classroom and study what may have nothing to do with their major. On the other hand, though, one student can take several courses that are not interrelated with each other at the same time.

There’s no doubt that elective courses are welcomed by students, but the reasons for each student to make his/her own choice differ from person to person. Some students choose a certain course merely out of their personal interest in a certain field, while some may take the utility of the course into consideration and expect to put what they have learnt into practice after graduation. Some students are inclined to choose courses they are familiar with in order to get a good result in the exam, while others do not care about the exam and choose what they totally have no idea of.

As for me, the most important thing is my interest. I will never get any joy by working on something that seems boring to me and I will not work hard on it. I do not weigh too much whether it is useful for my future job, either. As far as I’m concerned, an elective course provides me with a great opportunity to get to know the world that I am not familiar with yet very curious about. For example, I’m taking an elective course called general biology this semester. Although it has nothing to do with my major, I find myself very happy working on it. Generally speaking, I think elective courses are very beneficial for us, and we should take good advantage of them to help ourselves develop comprehensively.

【修改后的文章】
What electives to choose
Nowadays colleges have various elective courses for students to choose. Students from different departments may sit in the same classroom and study a subject that may have nothing to do with their majors. Moreover, a student can take several courses that are not interrelated with each other at the same time.

There is no doubt that elective courses are welcomed by students, but the reasons for each student to make his/her own choice differ. Some students choose a course merely out of their personal interest in a certain field, while others may take the utility of the course into consideration and expect to put what they have learnt into practice after graduation. Some students are inclined to choose courses they are familiar with in order to get a good result in the exam, while others do not care about the exam and choose a course in a little known field.

As for me, I do not care much whether the course I choose is useful for my future job. My first consideration is interest. I will never get good results working on something that bores me because I can not make myself work hard on it. As far as I’m concerned, an elective course provides me with a great opportunity to get to know some subjects that I am not familiar with yet very curious about. For example, I’m taking an elective course called general biology this semester. Although it has nothing to do with my major, I find myself very happy working on it.

In conclusion, elective courses are very beneficial for us, and we should take good advantage of them to help ourselves develop in an all-round way.

【点评】
这篇作文写得很好,文章切题,内容充实,文字相当流畅。该生语言基本功扎实,通篇没有一个语法或拼写错误,驾驭长句和复杂句子的能力很强,对于英语的成语和习惯用法掌握也相当熟练。不足的是个别地方思想和文字组织得不够好,下面是几点具体的修改建议:

1. 第一段第三句中的"On the other hand, though"用得不够确当,这里前后说的不是一个问题的两个方面,也没有转折的意思,所以"On the other hand"和"though"都用不上,建议改为"Moreover" 。

2. 第二段第一句"but the reasons for each student to make his/her own choice differ from person to person" ,由于前面已经用了"each" ,后面再用"from person to person" 就显得累赘了。建议改为"but the reasons for each student to make his/her own choice differ" ,或"but the reasons for students to make their own choice differ from person to person" 。

3. 第二段最后一句的("while others… choose what) they totally have no idea of"讲得有点过分,学生选课,总要做一些了解,老师也有责任指导,建议改为"while others…choose a course in a little known field" 。

4. 第三段第二句"I will never get any joy by working on something that seems boring to me and I will not work hard on it"前后意思上重复,其中的因果关系交代得不清楚,建议改为"I will never get good results working on something that bores me" 。

5. 第三段第三句"I do not weigh too much whether it is useful for my future job, either"中的"either"用得不对。虽然形式上前面是否定,但是在内容上,两者没有太多的关系。另外, "weigh"后面接"whether"从句的也很少见,不如改为"care" 。从整段的组织来看,这一句最好提前到段首,与上面一段结尾相衔接,重新组织为: "As for me, I do not care much whether the course I choose is useful for my future job. My first consideration is interest. I will never get good results working on something that bores me because I can not make myself work hard on it."

6. 第三段最后一句"Generally speaking, I think elective courses are very beneficial for us, and we should take good advantage of them to help ourselves develop comprehensively"实际上是整篇文章的结尾,应另起一段。改为"In conclusion, elective courses are very beneficial for us, and we should take good advantage of them to help ourselves develop in an all-round way".



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