These days, you have to watch your back. Danger may be lurking where you least expect it. You may find a relative, friend or neighbor coming after one thing--your brain.
This Halloween is forecasted to be a high season for zombie attacks and we're going to help you get through it, brain intact. This is Zombies in Plain English.
The first step is identifying a zombie. Let's take your uncle Dan. Here is Dan as we all know him-a normal guy. Now let's look at Dan as a zombie.
Notice the unnatural mouth position and dark eyes and shoulders will be off-kilter, arms, reaching, grabbing. Legs, limpy-skin, pale. This is a zombie.
Be careful this Halloween- you may see people that resemble zombies. Remember, zombies don't eat candy-only brains.
You may also see them dancing with Michael Jackson those are actors. Zombies don't dance!
When you encounter a real zombie, it's time to have a plan. Here's how to survive an attack.
Your first reaction may be to retreat to a home or business. This is only a short term solution because they will never stop-ever.
Instead, consider heading to a CostCo. Don't plan to wait out an attack without proper rations. Now keep your cool-remember that zombies may move quickly in the early stages of inflection.
Don't underestimate their speed. Also, consider a retreat to high altitudes-studies have shown that zombies react poorly to cold weather, causing them to become brittle and slow. And remember those rations.
Lastly, zombies can't swim, so a retreat via boat can help.
If you're not the retreating type, the obvious next move is counter-attack. This brings us to our last step-how to kill the Undead.
The simple idea is kill the brain, stop the zombie. This is generally done through head trauma or decapitation. But any method that removes the zombie-brain's ability to direct the undead body will work.
As starting points, we suggest large caliber bullets to the head, or decapitation via machete,ax or chainsaw. Now, chainsaws are advanced tools that should be used carefully. Napalm or grenades can also be effective, but be careful!
A flaming zombie can be even more dangerous than a normal one. If your friend has a zombie bite, unfortunately there is only one outcome. Infection is absolutely irreversible.
Don't bother with antiseptic or band-aids. Your friend is not your friend anymore. Face the inevitable and save your brain. Kill them with dignity before they become undead too.
Remember: Be prepared. Plan your route and rations, be on the lookout, and when they...Whoa-this just in! We've receive an unconfirmed report that zombies have been sighted in southern British Columbia. They may be heading south. Repeat. Heading South.
Sachi? What the? Did you hear that? Uhhh, uuuuuh.
The question is: Are you prepared?
Have a fun, safe and zombie-free Halloween from your friends at Common Craft.