Growing Pains 119
Mike: Alright, so who needs eggs anyway?
Carol: Mike, it's a breakfast. Mum and dad need all the protein they can get. You're just
making me nervous. I'll try again.
Mike: Hey, why not? The twelfth time's a charm.
Even garbage disposals have limits Carol.
Ben: : I got no more room on the tray anyway.
Mike: Yeah! Mum and dad are going to scoff this stuff up. Alright, we got oaties...
Mike: Peanut butter toast.
Mike: Space bars..
Carol: Stomach pump..
Mike: Oh! Sure, sure. Go ahead and criticize Carol. But where were you when Ben and I were
planning this breakfast?
Carol: Putting on my face.
Ben: You missed.
Carol: Ok, we are going to open the door, and tip toe in, without making a sound.
Ben: No! We'll scream and surprise them.
Carol: That could do serious harm to people their age.
Ben: So? You tip toe and I'll scream.
Ben: I like to scream.
Carol: How lucky for you.
Mike: Hey come on. Quiet down, you are going to wake them up. Do I have to do all the
Ben: Just wait til I grow bigger.
Carol: You are not going to grow bigger. Mum and dad were crying about it the other night.
Mike: You guys ready?
Mike: This is very strange.
Carol: It's seven in the morning. Saturday morning. Where could they be?
Ben: Well, maybe they finally had enough of us and moved.
Mike: You know, this is exactly like that twilight zone I saw. See, there were these parents
who everybody thought were just a little bit strange, and then one dark night, their kids
followed them into this creepy forest where they saw them get into this weird looking flying
saucer, and that’s when they found out that their parents were these aliens from outer space.
Jason: Hi guys
Ben: Happy anniversary!
Mike: You guys ready this time?
Maggie: Just a second Mike. Jason?
Mike: Come on, these trays are heavy.
Maggie: Jason, come on!
Jason: Ok. Ready!
Kids: Happy anniversary!
Jason: What a surprise!
Ben: Yeah, wait till you see the kitchen, the garbage.
Carol: For the rest of the surprise we wanted something that reflects our love for you and the
deep bond that holds this family together. So
Mike: We're leaving town.
Carol: Just for the day, so that you can spend it alone, without any of us in your hair. Now
don't give us any arguments.
Jason: Oh, please, don't go.
Maggie: Oh that's so sweet.
Jason: It really is, but your mum and I have a very busy day ahead. We really planned on
Ben: Grandma's here!
Jason: She is?
Carol: Yeah, grandma's taking us to Manhattan for the matinee of Cadre Four.
Mike: Yeah if there's one show that you gotta see this season, this is the one.
Jason: Hi mum!
Maggie: Oh guys, what a lovely surprise.
Jason: It's the best! But I have a patient to see. Your mum has that story to research and we
probably won't even have any time to spend alone. So there's really no reason for you to
endanger your lives in Grandma's car.
Mike: Hey you guys can use the gift or not. That's up to you. But I'm not going to miss my
chance to see twenty four of the hottest looking babes in the Big Apple.
Ben: I'm with Mike, I've no idea why.
Jason: Hey Mike. About these hot babes in the Cadre Four..
Carol: Ah dad, I already told Mike everything he needs to know about the show. Everything
Jason: Well Mike I hope someone has told you that..
Carol: Oh Mike don't forget your binoculars.
Mike: Is this a great sister or what?
Jason: Carol, you do know that these hot babes are really guys?
Carol: Yeah I do, but...
Maggie: You know Jason, we could actually spend the day together.
Jason: Yeah. Too bad I got a mountain of paper work to get through today.
Maggie: I know. And I have a hair appointment, and several hours of research on the story
I'm doing, but I could put those off until tomorrow.
Jason: But Saturday’s my day to update the files, and I do have that patient to see.
Maggie: Oh, you are right. I guess I just got distracted by the thought of a long, lazy relaxing
day together. With no interruptions.
Jason: Besides, what would we do all day?
Maggie: Oh, I don't know. We could always grout the bath tub.
Jason: Well I’ll cancel my appointments if you cancel yours.
Maggie: The plumbing. The plumber' supposed to come by today to fix the garbage disposal.
Jason: Oh, had me worried there.
Jason: Honey, we have to go. That lunch reservation's for noon. Honey! What are you doing?
Maggie: The cleaning woman's coming. I can't let her see this mess.
Jason: Sooner or later she's bound to find out that we're slobs. Come on, now we have a
reservation for lunch. Rocco A beach, watching the waves caress the shore, sipping
champagne from silver goblets, and toasting the woman I was lucky enough to find: Smart
enough to marry, and handsome enough to keep.
Maggie: oh Jason, you can be such a romantic sometimes.
Jason: Hold that thought.
Plumber: Hi. I'm Buzz, the plumber. You got a bum garbage disposal?
Jason: Gee, we cancelled that appointment. Didn't they call you in the truck?
Plumber: They won't let me have a radio in my truck.
Maggie: Well it's just that we have an appointment that we have to keep.
Plumber: Well I could come back later.
Jason: No thanks.
Jason: and Maggie: Wait!
Jason: How long would it take you to fix it?
Plumber: Oh, half hour, forty five minutes.
Jason: Ok, come in. Please. I'll call and move the reservation.
Maggie: Oh Buzz, how much do you charge?
Plumber: Fifty dollars an hour.
Jason: Hi, oh hello Fred. Yeah, just a second. Maggie, it's you editor.
Maggie: Hello. Oh hi Fred. Really! Oh that's great. Today? Oh but I, well sure uh uh, you bet.
You bet, I’ll be there. Thank you. Bye.
Jason: I’ll call the restaurant.
Maggie: Uh Jason.
Jason: Can I have the phone?
Maggie: That was Fred at the paper.
Jason: I know. I bet that nut called to wish us a happy anniversary.
Maggie: Oh Jason, you are just trying to make me feel guilty because I have bad news.
Jason: Sure. What's the fun of being a psychiatrist if you can't play mind games on your
Maggie: Oh seriously honey. I've been trying to nail down this interview for weeks and it
finally came through, but it has to be today.
Maggie: In Washington.
Jason: Washington! Who with?
Maggie: You know the Secretary of Transportation?
Maggie: I'm meeting with the third assistant to the deputy of the under secretary, who
reports to her.
Maggie: Oh honestly honey, this is the only shot I’m going to get at this, and if I don't do it
now, I’ve lost it.
Maggie: It's a forty five minute commuter flight to Washington. I can go do the interview and
be back in time to have dinner with you. My treat.
Maggie: But, if you're disappointed, I'll stay home, I'll have lunch, I’ll be happy, I’ll be
content, totally fulfilled.
Jason: Look, if you gotta go..
Maggie: Thanks. I knew my dad was wrong about you.
Jason: Just so at some point today, you and I finally get a chance to grout the tub.
Maggie: Count on it!
Plumber: I forgot my tool box.
Ben, Carol, Mike: Bye grandma. See you soon!
Carol: I thought the gowns were beautiful.
Mike: I think everyone connected with that show should be shot.
Carol: Even the red head you whistled at?
Ben: That would be...Maurice.
Mike: Ok Carol. It was a fine joke. A good joke. Possibly even a funny joke. But who really
paid the price here? Was it me? No. It was little confused Ben.
Ben: Hey you guys. Maurice was a tide end at Iowa states.
Carol: Mum, dad, we're back!
Mike: Oh you just can't wait to tell them, huh Carol?
Carol: Mum, dad!
Jason: Guys, shhh!
Carol: Did you and mum have a romantic day?
Jason: Well not exactly. Can you keep it down ‘cause I am just finishing up with a patient?
Mike: Hey, where's mum?
Carol: Washington? This is not a good sign.
Mike: Hey I bet when mum and dad got alone, dad started telling his jokes and mum hopped
on the first plane to anywhere.
Ben: Mike, there's a body on the kitchen floor!
Mike: Man or woman?
Ben: I can't tell anymore.
Mike: Someone should go check him out. Ben?
Jason: Look out. My chicken sauce.
Mike: Ah dad, did you se..
Jason: Good, it didn't stick.
Mike: Dad, did you notice that there is a ...
Jason: So, how was Cadre Four?
Plumber: Is Maurice still with the show?
Carol and Ben: Maurice!
Mike: Shut up, both of you.
Jason: Buzz, how is it going?
Plumber: Almost finished.
Jason: Only five and a half hours. At fifty dollars an hour.
Ben: Dad, is mum ever coming back?
Jason: She'll be back in plenty of time for our candle lit dinner for two. You guys will spend
the night at grandmas. Ok?
Maggie: Oh come on dad. How many times do we have to risk our lives in a single day?
Maggie: Oh sweet heart. I am so so sorry. I'm still in Washington. Everything got screwed up
on this end and the interview got put off until tomorrow, so the papers putting me up at the
Hotel Royal tonight, and I'll be interviewing him first thing in the morning. And then I’ll get
home as fast as I can so that we can celebrate our anniversary, because I swear honey, if I’d
known this was going to happen, I never would have come.
Jason: Who is this?
Plumber: All done.
Jason: Wonderful. So uh, I guess you'll be sending me a bill on that?
Plumber: Post haste
Jason: How much will it come to?
Plumber: Well, I have to add the labor and the parts..
Jason: Ball part
Plumber: Three hundred and forty seven dollars and seventy five cents.
Jason: Ah, just out of curiosity, how much would a new garbage disposal cost?
Plumber: A hundred and twenty five bucks. Would you like me to install one?
Jason: No, no, thank you
Plumber: Bye. Happy anniversary!
Mike: Hey dad! You need any more of this junk on your plate?
Jason: Nar! I'm not hungry.
Carol: Michael. It's fowl.
Mike: Tell me about it?
Jason: Sorry I wasn't listening.
Mike: Looked like you were. I guess you psychiatrists get pretty used to faking it after all
those years of listening to whackoes.
Jason: Michael, 'wacko' is a term that psychiatrist reserve for members of their immediate
Mike: Just kidding.
Jason: Well don't!
What you've just witnessed is a classic display of displaced anger in which I allowed my
frustrations to be vented on the first available person to upset me. This transference lets me
lessen my stress and allows me to feel really....stupid.
Film: So, you kid get on that plane and leave. It's me you love, you know it is.
No, no Curly. It's Larry, it's always been Larry.
But all those things you said.
I was mistaken. I'm sorry Curly, but my place is with Curly. I can't stay here and be your
I'll do whatever I have to do to stop you. I'm not letting you get on that plane.
Maggie: Shouldn't have got on that plane. Yes this is Mrs Seaver in seven twenty two. Is
there anyone in the hotel who can help me with plane reservations?
Carol: I wish there was something we could do to cheer dad up.
Mike: We could leave home.
Ben: I got an idea.
Carol: Mike, dad has been deeply disappointed by the woman he loves. I'm sure you can
understand that after Maurice.
Ben: It's a really good idea.
Mike: He's used to disappointment Carol. After all, his second oldest child is you.
Carol: You're really Mr Sensitivity, do you know? It's not the dinner, it's just that they need at
least a moment, on that special day, when they can be together and look into each others
eyes and think about the years they’ve shared. The good times, the bad times.
Mike: You mean they want to "Do Ah Diddy"?
Ben: Hey, who lost twenty bucks?
Carol and Mike: Where?
Ben: Now that I have your attention, why doesn't dad fly to Washington and be with mum
Mike: I hate it when he does that.
Carol: I'll pack him a bag.
Mike: I'll order the plane tickets.
Ben: And I'll get no credit as usual.
Jason: And Mr Waller is showing great improvement in controlling his feeling of inadequacy.
The sessions are proving especially useful in decreasing his anniversary. Ignore 'anniversary',
Freudian slip. In decreasing his anxiety.
Jason: I'm working. Ignore I’m working. Teenage son.
Jason: I'm turning the recorder off now, so as not to have it used against me in a court of
law. Mike, this better be important.
Mike: Dad, on behalf of all of us...get out!
Jason: What's going on?
Mike: Come on, this is your son you are talking to here. Now I’m sensitive to know that this
anniversary thing has you feeling like garbage.
Carol: Why don't you just shoot him?
Jason: Well before anyone shoots me and throws me down the garbage disposal, which
probably doesn't work anyway, would you please explain to me where we are going and why is
Carol: I decided you should fly to Washington tonight and surprise mum.
Ben and Mike: You decided?
Jason: Well that's a great idea, but I..
Carol: Dad! Your bags packed, your tickets ordered, and grandma's on her way over.
Jason: Ah! Hey look, that's wonderful, but I can't uhh stay here another second.
Kids: Bye, see you later!
Ben: I solved your problem. I decided you should fly to Washington.
Mike: Who cares whose idea it was? Grow up!
Carol: Yeah! Stop thinking of yourself.
Mike: Oh, Here comes grandma.
Carol: It's not grandma. It's not going fast enough.
Ben: And it's staying on the right side of the road.
Mike: Holy cow!
Ben: Oh no! I don't believe it.
Maggie: Hi guys!
Kids: Hi mum!
Maggie: Oh, is your dad in the living room?
Maggie: Good! I want to surprise him.
Carol: And I think you will too.
Maggie: Is he in the kitchen?
Maggie: In the bedroom?
Maggie: Well, where is he?
Mike: I don't get it either. All I know is that it was Ben’s idea.
Air port: Attention. Final boarding flight 256 for Washington National, gate 27.
Jason: Ah, maybe that aisle set isn't taken. If you wanted to slide over then we can both
have more room to...
Man: No! This is row L seat 2. This is my seat. All flights, any flights. This is my seat.
Airport: Your attention. Final boarding flight two fifty six for Washington National at gate
twenty seven. This is final boarding.
Maggie: Excuse me! Do you mind...
Man: No, this is row L Seat two. This is my seat. All flights, any flights. My seat.
Maggie: OooK! Jason?
Man: No. Luther.
Maggie: I'm talking to him. Honey?
Jason: Maggie! What are you doing here?
Maggie: I missed you.
Jason: I missed you too.
Maggie: That's sweet.
Jason: What about that big interview that couldn't wait?
Maggie: Well I asked myself what Ted Coppell would do if he was married to a wonderful man
Jason: Well first of all, I wouldn't let him work that late every night.
Maggie: I figured I could fly back tomorrow to do the interview, after I spend the evening
with my main squeeze.
Jason: What a coincidence.
Maggie: You're on your way to see someone too?
Jason: Someone very special.
Maggie: Oh Jason! Did you think of this all by yourself?
Jason: Well I got some help from the other men in your life; Mike and Ben and uhh not to
mention Carol. Oh, Look what I got for you?
Maggie: Oh Honey! They're beautiful. And I've got something for you too.
Maggie: Oh, Sir. Thank you.
Jason: Oh, excuse me! I can't see.
Man: I'm sorry.
Jason: Oh Honey! My dad was right about you.
Maggie: You know when two people spend seventeen years together...
Man: Can I help you with that?
Maggie: Sure. I think seventeen years deserves a moment alone together. Just the two of us.
Man: Uh uh!
Maggie: The three of us. So that we can stare into each others eyes and say "if I had it to do
Jason: Oh honey, I’d do it all over again. I love you!
Maggie: I love you too.
Man: And I love both of you. To love!
Jason: To love!
Maggie: I had a great time.
Jason: I had a wonderful time.
Maggie: Wait. I just want it to last a moment longer.
Jason: Ahh! Well then, let's not come back and say we're dead.
Maggie: Tempting, but no. We have to get back to those three beautiful children who miss us
and need us.
Ben: You little weasel! Oh, hi!
Carol: You're a dead man Ben, hi!
Maggie and Jason: Hi!
Mike: Oh la la. The love boat's in. Alright, I’ll see you later guys.
Jason: Maggie, are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Maggie: What are you thinking?
Jason: I'm thinking about Yogi Berra.
Maggie: What a coincidence
Jason: Yeah, well it was Yogi who coined the phrase 'it ain’t over till it's over'.
Maggie: Oh really!