Growing Pains 422
(Previously on growing pains)
Jason: Yes it seems that your grandmother and, uh,
Jason: Wally, have set a wedding date.
Grandma: On a cruise to the Caribbean.
Mike: Not a bad commute.
Ben: Mike, listen to this.
Grandma: What’s this?
Jason: Oh just a little something I had my lawyer whip up. It’s really very simple.
Grandma: Standard prenuptial agreement!
Jason: Yep, yep, yep, yep. It’s uh, and I think that as soon as you get over your initial reaction,
you are going to see the wisdom..ah.
Julie: I feel very close to you right now, mike.
Mike: Hey, we are.
Julie: I'm serious. I'm falling in love with you.
Mike: Well come on in. The water's fine.
Ben: Mike, mike, mike, mike, mike, mike, mike. You will not believe this. Today is our lucky
Mike: Why? What is it?
Ben: Mike, there are twenty of the hottest babes in the world on this boat.
Ben: We're talking Swedish, blonde, gymnasts.
Mike: Hey, there is much more to a woman than the way she looks. Alright. I mean you got to
take into account all kinds of things like her personality and her intelligence and uh, and her
Mike: This is the first time in my life I’ve been touched by eight female hands at the same
Ben: Second for me.
Mike: Well hello...
Mike: Julie. That’s funny, I. Julie!
Doreen: I understand "your ships Elvis impersonator" is part of the wedding.
Jason: Ha ha ha. I was thinking of something else totally. Please go on.
Wally: I can’t take this.
Grandma: Well maybe you would like a pardon.
Wally: Well maybe I would like a helicopter.
Grandma: Well don’t wait for the helicopter. Swim for it!
Jason: This is exactly the kind of unforeseen situation; prenuptial agreements are designed to
protect you against.
Mike: Ben's right over there. You know, our relationship.
Julie: What relationship?
Jason: Hey, Maggie. What's with the chain?
Maggie: Here. Pack your own things.
Jason: What. Aren’t you over reacting just a little?
Maggie: Shhh! Chrissy just got to sleep. You're packing because we need to do a little room
Jason: Room switching!
Maggie: Yes. Your mother is sleeping in here tonight.
Jason: Oh come on. I know the rehearsal went a little haywire..
Maggie: A little haywire!
Jason: Shh! Chrissy is asleep.
Maggie: Jason, I’m too upset with you right now to have a logical discussion.
Jason: It never stopped you before.
Maggie: There's room in Wallys cabin.
Jason: What? Me sleep with Wally!
Maggie: You'll have better luck than in here.
Jason: You blaming me for everything that happened between Wally and my mother tonight,
Maggie: No, I don’t blame you. I blame your evil twin.
Jason: Ok Maggie, you're right.
Maggie: Of course I am.
Jason: You are not capable of having a logical discussion.
Maggie: From the moment you whipped out that prenuptial aggree...
Jason: Oh I didn’t whip out anything Maggie. And let the record show, their fight was not
about a prenuptial agreement.
Jason: Oh ha if you want to. But I’m telling you that prenuptial agreements can be life savers.
All I was doing was trying to protect my mothers assets.
Maggie: Jason, before I say something I regret, but enjoy, lets consider for a moment that you
are a complete loon burger.
(Knock at the door)
Grandma: Knock knock.
Jason: Mum, ok, I know you're upset. But please, isn’t it better that this happened now rather
Grandma: Righty oh. This is going to be so much fun tonight, just us girls.
Maggie: Oh I know.
Jason: The healing process is already underway.
Maggie: Jason. Why don’t we talk in the hall?
Jason: Come on Maggie. I'm a reasonable man. I don’t know how I can say it any clearer than
that. A man who knows he's right doesn’t mind where he sleeps. Hey Wally.
Wally: Jason, when I was in the army, I was on the boxing team.
Jason: I didn’t know that.
Wally: Yeah. And I always felt better after a fight, because I was able to get whatever ailed me
out of my system through my fists.
Jason: Well you know that’s not so unusual. A lot of my patients tell me that if only they had
Wally: Come on come on.
Jason: Wally, I know you want to let your aggressions out, but look at us. You your age, I my
age. It just wouldn’t be fair.
Wally: Ok, I’ll put one hand behind my back.
Jason: Wait a second. We should just be a little adult about this. Ben, where have you been?
How are you?
Ben: Fine, but I have to go to the bathroom.
Jason: Hey, you don’t have a second to talk to your old dad? What have you been up to?
Julie: I'm in no mood for your charm.
Mike: Look Julie. Julie look. You should know that the only reason I was with those beautiful
women is because they remind me of you. I figured I’d try and open with a joke.
Julie: You would.
Mike: Ok, look. I'll just say it. The Swedish women, they like me, but you should know that I
could be with almost any one of those girls right now, maybe even several of them, and they
won’t so bright so I could probably be having a great time right now. But no, no. I picked to be
here with you.
Julie: Mike, what are you trying to say?
Mike: Julie, Julie, Julie. Don’t you see what I am willing to give up for you?
Jason: Oh you met some guys your age?
Ben: Twenty blonde babes from Sweden who don’t speak English.
Jason: Ho. Ha ha. He's got his dads sense of humour.
Wally: It’s not worth it.
Ben: We're swimming and playing volleyball. We were having a blast.
Jason: Ben, go to bed. Come on. Hi Julie. Now what’s the matter with you?
Julie: Well I’m a little upset.
Jason: Ah, is this about the breakup?
Julie: You know about that?
Jason: Of course I know about it. But I don’t think its any reason for you to be so upset.
Julie: There's not?
Jason: Aren’t you getting a little carried away?
Jason: Sensitive girl.
Julie: I'm sorry Carol, I didn’t mean to wake you up.
Carol: Did you and Mike have a fight?
Julie: A fight. I told him to...You know about us?
Carol: Julie, this is the smart Seaver child you are talking to.
Julie: I don’t believe this. First your father, and now you. I mean why the heck have we been
sneaking around for?
Carol: My dad doesn’t know about you and Mike.
Julie: But he just asked me about our breakup on the hall.
Carol: Julie, the only breakup I know about is grandma and Wally's.
Carol: What break up were you talking about? Oh.
Julie: I'm glad this is over with. He can be so selfish and immature.
Carol: Well that's probably because he was confused. I mean he's never been in love before.
Julie: What makes you think he's in love?
Carol: Same thing that makes you think he is.
Jason: Full moon. No wonder women are crazy.
Mike and Jason: women.
Mike: Hey dad.
Jason: Mike. What are you doing up?
Mike: Oh uh, just taking a walk.
Jason: Yeah, me too. Been kind of a rough evening.
Mike: Yeah, what happened? Some woman misunderstood something you said and blew up at
Jason: Actually yes. You were downstairs? You heard your mum and I talking?
Mike: No. Dad, nice night.
Jason: What’s the matter?
Jason: Come on Mike. I'm your father. Hey, what’s going on?
Mike: Look, I can’t tell you. I wish I could but I can’t. I'll see you later dad. Thanks.
Jason: Ok fine fine. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I respect your privacy.
Mike: Dad, I really need to talk to you.
Jason: What? What is it?
Mike: Well see dad, I've been going out with this girl for quite a while.
Mike: But it’s over now.
Jason: Oh! Who is she?
Jason: Ha ha ha. Right. You're kidding. Come on. You're not kidding are you?
Mike: No. No dad I’m not.
Jason: Well how long has this been going on?
Mike: For four months.
Jason: Four months! I thought she couldn’t stand you.
Mike: She can’t.
Jason: This has been going on right under my nose?
Mike: Yeah well it’s not going on anymore, and just because she caught me flirting with a few
Jason: what girls?
Mike: Twenty blonde Swedish women.
Jason: Hey, they are twenty blonde Swedish women on this boat?
Jason: I am losing it.
Mike: Yeah so I made a little mistake. It was a huge big humungous mistake, but that
shouldn’t mean that this whole thing is over.
Jason: I missed twenty blonde Swedish women?
Mike: Yeah. And there was a day when twenty women would be three, four more than I would
Jason: Hey remember that time when I was up in your apartment? Remember, I said "Mike,
did I just hear Julies voice" and you said "No, no dad. That’s just your imagination". Are you
telling me that...
Mike: She was hiding in my bathroom.
Jason: I knew that. So why do you want to keep this such a big secret?
Mike: Well, you know. With Julie working for you and mum, and she thought that if you found
out about me and her,... I never got it myself. All I know is that going out with Julie has been
the best thing that has ever happened to me. I don’t just like her. I like me when I’m with her.
You know and dad, I don’t want this to end.
Jason: Well you know the pressure to keep this thing a secret has got to create a big strain on
Mike: Well actually it was kind of fun sneaking around.
Jason: Come on. Wouldn’t it have been a lot more fun f you'd have had my blessing?
Jason: Mike, come on. Whether you realize it or not, the subconscious desire for approval
between a parent and a child is crucial. A child really needs a parent’s approval; a parent even
needs a child’s approval. That’s why. I've been a boob.
Mike: All I understood was the last point.
Jason: I can’t believe..what have I done? Physician heal myself.
Mike: Wait a minute. I'm not a physician. I need more help than that.
Jason: Well I’m talking about my problem.
Mike: What about my problem?
Jason: You just do what men have always done. You get down on your knees and you beg for
forgiveness for whatever it is she thinks you've done wrong, cos you probably done it. And if
you didn’t do it then it doesn’t matter anyway cos as long as you are in love, you are never
going to get a fair shake.
Mike: That’s your great advice?
Jason: Mike, you're old enough to finally be told. The things you enjoy the most in life...make
no sense whatsoever.
Mike: Wait a minute. Where are you going?
Jason: I've got to go and get gran and Wally back together.
Mike: What they broke up? But they are supposed to be getting married tomorrow morning!
This makes no sense to me whatsoever.
Jason: You're leaning.
Mike: What? What am I learning?
Jason: Mum. Mother. Let me in please. I know it’s late, but we have to talk. Mum.
Maggie: Jason, what’s the matter?
Grandma: Honey what is it?
Jason: I've been a total jerk.
Grandma: well yes I know that dear.
Jason: You have my blessing to marry Wally.
Grandma: I don’t want to marry Wally.
Jason: Yes you do.
Grandma: No I don’t.
Jason: Mum, look the point is, yes I’ve had my problems with you marrying Wally, but I’d have
my problems with you marrying anybody after dad. And those problems have had me all tied
up and I’ve been acting like my evil twin. I think Wally is a good man and I know in time I
could grow fond of him.
Grandma: Well then you marry him. Did you hear the way he talked to me tonight?
Jason: Yeah but that fight wasn’t about you mum. It was about me.
Grandma: No it wasn’t.
Jason: Yes. Mum
Grandma: don’t it wasn’t me. Jason, I’m not going to fight with you about why I had a fight
Jason: That fight happened because I was being irritating. Now let’s face it, sometimes I can
be a little irritating.
Maggie: Boy that’s right.
Jason: Oh, so you're quiet for a few minutes and this is your contribution?
Maggie: Jason, I was just agreeing with you.
Grandma: Jason, even when you were little, you could drive your father and me up the wall.
Jason: Yes. And if I can do that with two people who love me, imaging how crazy I’m driving
Grandma: Oh, I’m sure he doesn’t even want to see me.;
Jason: Well then mum, don’t give him a choice.
Wally: Prenuptial agreement. What’s the matter with a guy like that? Here I make a fool of
Wally: Urma what are you doing out there? You're going to kill yourself.
Grandma: We've got to talk.
Grandma: we have got o talk.
Wally: Oh, well, wh wh wh wh...
Grandma: We are not off to a very good start dear.
Wally: Oh Urma. I acted like a chump tonight. I am so sorry.
Grandma: No Wally, you were right.
Wally: I was right?
Grandma: Yes, it is about you and me and our life together. I should have told you then.
Wally: Then I didn’t act like a chump?
Grandma: Of course dear, but it was not your fault. Jason was the real chump and he knows
that but he's given us his blessing. Oh I know it shouldn’t matter but it does, so let’s start all
Wally: I won’t ask you to repeat that. It would only confuse me.
Grandma: Do you remember where you proposed to me?
Wally: Of course. On that balcony right over there.
Grandma: Seems like a good place to restart.
Wally: Sure does.
Wally: Urma! Urma!
Mike: Way to go dad. You just killed grandma.
Grandma: No harm done.
Wally: Urma! Urma! Are you alright?
Grandma: Yes, I’m fine.
Wally: What were you doing hanging from that rope?
Grandma: Well I just wanted the moment to be dramatic.
Wally: Well it was dramatic alright.
Grandma: So, where were we?
Wally: I'm not sure.
Grandma: Well we're on the same balcony, under the same full moon as it was that wonderful
Wally: And we are in the same bathrobes I believe. You know Urma. I remember what I said
that night. I never loved anybody more and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Grandma: Oh honey. I love you too. You remember what else you aid to me?
Wally: Oh, ha ha ha.
Grandma: No, I mean afterwards.
Wally: That I want to marry you right now.
Grandma: Well what's stopping you?
Mike and Jason: Woo hoo!
Maggie: Julie, Carol, wake up!
Carol: What's the matter?
Maggie: Your grandma and Wally are about to get married.
Carol: Right now?
Mike: Get up.
Mike: Let’s go.
Maggie: Everyone's here captain.
Jason: Well let’s get this show on the road.
Captain: Is that the one that messed everything up?
Doreen: Okee dockee. Does everyone remember their places from rehearsal?
Grandma: Oh well we are trying our best to forget that.
Wally: Can’t we just wing it?
Doreen: Oh look bob. I didn’t drag myself out of bed in the middle of the night just to wing it.
Captain: Let’s wing it.
Carol: Well even though we are winging it, we can still do it right. Here's the bouquet.
Doreen: Oh I forgot the cassette recorder. We can’t have a wedding without music.
Everyone: Wing it.
Elvis: Dum dum dee dum. dum dum dee dum. Mercy. Dum, dum, dee dum, everybody.
Everybody: dum dum dee dum, dum.
Jason: Hey stop. May I cut in?
Grandma: Sure. Oh.
Elvis: Dum dum dee dum,dum dee dum dum dee dum.
Captain: Dearly beloved, because I am the captain, and because I am very tired, this wedding
will go very quick.
Mike: Julie, I’ve got o talk to you for a second.
Mike: Hey look Julie, I’m really sorry and I should have just been honest with you before and
told you that I have no excuse for what I did. I guess I was just confused. I’ve never been in
Julie: You're in love with me?
Mike: Oh yeah.
Swedish girls: We heard there was party.
Ben: There is now. Come on in.
Captain: To be your lawful wedded husband.
Grandma: I do.
Mike: You believe me don’t you?
Julie: I do.
Captain: And because I am the captain I now pronounce you husband and wife. Kiss the bride.
Julie: I lobe you Mike.
Mike: I love you too.
Doreen: Urma Overmyer, you have to throw your bouquet.
Swedish girls: Ohhhh!
Ben: The winds got it. That thing is never coming down. Forget it girls. Girls. Hey! What about
me! Thanks a lot grandma.
Doreen: Dear, oh dear oh dear.
Jason: Wally, look I hope you'll forgive me. I just would like to say that, well you know
yesterday that prenuptial thing, I’m sorry.
Wally: Oh, uh, it’s ok. I'll still pay for your room.
Mike: Hey, hey look!
Wally: Oh look at that. Isn’t that gorgeous. My gosh!
Julie: It’s beautiful.
Jason: So are you.
Wally: So are you.
Mike: So are you.
Ben: So are they.
Mike: I've got something I’d like to say.
Grandma: Well go ahead Mike.
Mike: First I'd like to thank mum and dad and grandma Urma and Grandpa Wally for showing
us all how great love and marriage can be. And I’ve also got kind of a surprise for everybody.
Jason: Oh, wait til you hear this.
Maggie: You know what's coming?
Jason: Yeah, nothing gets by me.
Mike: I want you all to know, heck I want the whole world to know, that I love Julie Costello.
And I want her to be my wife.
Maggie: You knew about this?