Growing Pains 414
Mike: How the heck did I let you talk me into getting up before the pigs just to get tickets to a
Ben: Because you are broke, and I’m paying you five bucks an hour. I hope we get there while
there's still some good tickets left.
Mike: He he. Alright. That’s another five bucks in my pocket.
Ben: And while I can still afford them.
Mike: So all these people are here to see Jonathon Keith. Kids today!
Ben: What’s wrong with him?
Mike: Nothing, but lets face it, he's not The Whatever.
Ben: The who?
Mike: No, not The Who. That’s that old band that dad like. I’m talking about The Whatever.
Count Vay. Alright!
(girl pushes in)
Mike: Hey! What the heck are you doing.....for breakfast? Ah, what’s your name?
Ben: Hey, that’s the same name as Jonathon’s wife.
Ellie: I know. What’s your name?
Mike: Yeah, what a coincidence, hu?
Ben: Don’t listen to him. His name's not Jonathon. He's just my taxi driver.
Mike: You talking to me? I'm the only taxi driver here. Have you ever seen the movie "Taxi
Ellie: With Danny Devito as Louis.
Mike: No, with Robert De Niro as an insane person. See he starts to talk to himself. And
makes no sense what so ever. Kind of like I’m doing right now.
Ellie: Uh hu.
Ben: Hey look! Jonathon’s on.
Mike: Am I the only one who doesn’t hear any music?
Ben: Great song hu?
Ellie: You said it.
Man: Hey folks, can you believe it? The concert's sold out.
Everyone: Oh no!
Man: And I’ve been camped out here for three days man.
Ben: I can’t believe this. I've been saving my money for months. What am I going to do?
Mike: Hey, look on the bright side Bennie. Now you can pay your taxi driver that big tip that
Ben: You talking to me?
Jason: So was I right? You two were the only guys in line?
Ben: It was sold out.
Maggie: Oh pumpkin.
Jason: Sorry Ben.
Ben: Like I said, we should have camped out like I wanted.
Mike: If I’d have been on the clock, I could have been up for it.
Carol: Mike, sometimes you can be so thoughtless in what you say.
Ben: Man! Sold out, the cruelest word I ever heard.
Carol: Well actually Ben, its two words.
Ben: Carol, I can think of another two words.
Ben: Sorry. I'm just upset.
Jason: Come on Ben. There'll be other concerts.
Ben: Not Jonathon’s.
Jason: Well I wished there was something I could do son.
Mike: You could call a scalper dad. I'm sure the tickets would only be about two hundred bucks
Jason: Like I said. I wish there was something I could do.
Ben: Don’t you guys know anybody who might have tickets?
Jason: All I know are psychiatrists Ben.
Ben: Well I was reading in a fan magazine that Jonathon’s dad is a psychiatrist.
Jason: Yeah, well I don’t know every psychiatrist.
Ben: Doctor Alexander Keith?
Jason: Alex Keith?
Ben: Uh hu.
Jason: From Boston?
Ben: Uh hu.
Jason: I know him. From med school Maggie. Do you remember?
Maggie: Well yes. Is he the guy that though all those parties?
Ben: this is great.
Carol: What’s the matter?
Maggie: I'm married to a man old enough to have a son as a rock star.
Jason: Think how I feel.
Jason: Ha! Alex’s number is right here.
Maggie: When was the last time you spoke to him?
Jason: At the last reunion.
Maggie: Honey, that’s quite a while ago.
Jason: Oh yeah, but you remember the kind of guy Alex is. You can go for years without
talking to him, and the minute you do it’s like not a day has passed.
Hello Alex. Jason. Seaver. Medical School. Cornell. Right right. No,no. Full head of hair. Yeah,
so how have you been? Great. Yeah look, I was wondering since you and I spoke at that last
reunion a couple of years ago and, uh, you said make sure you keep in touch...Yeah, you said
that. Well you know my son, he thinks that your son is just the most unbeliev...No I have no
idea how many people hit you up for tickets. No, you have every right to resent that. No, no,
that’s it. I just wanted to touch base. Yeah so I’ll see you at the next reunion. Or not. Yeah
Maggie: How many tickets did you get?
Maggie: Oh honey, I’m just trying to cheer you up with a little joke.
Jason: Ben would have been so happy. Now I’ve got to go call a scalper and spend four
Maggie: I've got an idea.
Jason: I love it.
Maggie: I don’t know why id didn’t think of this before.
Jason: What is it?
Maggie: I'm going to call the entertainment editor at the station. Yes this is Maggie Malone for
Steve Jerkins. He's always bragging about his music contacts.
Jason: Yeah well it’s worth a shot.
Maggie: Hello Steve. This is Maggie. I've got a question. See my son Ben is a big fan of
Jonathon Keith, and he would just kill for tickets to..uh hu.
Jason: Don’t feel bad sweetheart. I failed too.
Maggie: That would be wonderful. Jason, how about if you and me take Ben tonight?
Maggie: Oh Steve, I can’t thank you enough. Oh no, no,no. Three tickets is plenty. Oh don’t be
silly. You don’t have to send a limo.
Maggie: Yes, and this afternoon we can go down to the arena and watch them do the sound
check for tonight’s concert.
Ben: I get to watch Jonathon set up for the show?
Jason: Uh hu.
Mike: You conned your old pal into giving you the tickets. Alright dad. I knew I got my gift
from some place.
Ben: Thank you dad. Thank you, thank you.
Mike: Ben Ben Bennie. I think its time you learned the difference between gratitude and
Jason: Yeah, easy Ben. The look on your face is thanks enough for me. Oh, did I forget to
mention that your mum actually got the tickets and arranged everything? I meant to mention
that. I just ...I might have mentioned it to..
Maggie: Well Chrissy's napping and her food is in the refrigerator. The number to the Coliseum
Carol: Wow wow, why are you telling me?
Maggie: Because you are going to baby-sit this afternoon.
Carol: Oh mum, I would but I told Debbie we would go to a movie.
Maggie: Oh honey. Your father and I are really stuck. What if I offered you ten dollars?
Carol: Mum, I do not expect to get paid to baby-sit. It’s my family duty. But I just can’t break
a commitment to Debbie.
Carol: Who's Debbie?
Jason: Honey, mike has graciously agreed to baby-sit today.
Maggie: Yeah, how much?
Mike: Mother, I do not expect to be paid to baby-sit. It’s a family duty.
Jason: Twenty bucks.
Maggie: Ok carol, you can got to the movies with Debbie.
Carol: But mum, I really need the money, and you promised.
Jason: Mike, this lets you off the hook. Now you can go to your party.
Mike: What party? I mean uh, what do you mean dad. I was all psyched to baby-sit tonight.
Besides, 'm broke.
Jason: Hey Maggie. This is quite a bargain. Two babysitters for the price of five.
Ben: Jonathon’s dressing room has got to be around here somewhere.
Maggie: Jason, was that sound check especially loud, or am I getting older than I thought?
Jason: See, your hearing is fine. You're a young woman.
Ben: That’s the door. I bet you that's it.
Jason: Ben, that door says janitor.
Ben: That’s probably just to fool the bozoz. But it didn’t fool me.
Jason: Well you know, he may have gone back to his hotel or something. He may not even be
around here. That’s the way Elvis used to do it.
Ben: Dad, Elvis is dead.
Man: Alright, Jonathon wants some hot coffee in his dressing room ASAP.
Man 2: Where am I going to find hot coffee at three o clock in the afternoon? Ok, I’m on it.
Ben: He's here. Jonathon’s here! I got to got o the bathroom again.
Maggie: That’s not a bad idea.
Jason: What, the excitement is too much for you too?
Jason: Just go to the bathroom.
Maggie: Thank you, thank you.
Jason: Oh sorry. I didn’t see you.
Man 3: No sweat pops.
Jason: Pops! Ha ha ha. You know they say the eyes are the first to go. Oh uh. Excuse me
Jonathon, Jonathon. Could I get your autograph?
Jonathon: Oh yeah. No problem man. You know it’s nice to have fans your age.
Jason: I'm not a fan of yours. My son is a big fan of yours. His name's Ben. Could you make it
out to Ben? I knew you dad, you know.
Jonathon: Yeah, me too.
Jason: Medical school. Cornell. Did he ever tell you the story of the missing Cadaver?
Jonathon: No. No he didn’t.
Jason: I guess I better not tell you either hu. Oh thanks. I'm Jason Seaver.
Jonathon: Jonathon Keith.
Jason: I know. Oh boy, my son's going to die you know. He's had us out here for the last hour,
just to try to get a glimpse of you, and his kidneys pick now to pull him away.
Man 2: Yo Jonathon. That coffee will be here in about ten minutes.
Jonathon: Alright. Thank you pal. Well it's been a pleasure. Got to run.
Jason: Hey hey. wo wo. Ha ha. Uh uh Jonathon. Pardon me I know you got a million things to
do, it being concert day and everything, but he'll be down here in about any second, I swear,
so if you could just wait just a tinsy tinsy minute, you'll see...
Jonathon: Alright, alright, I’ll tell you what man. If he's back within ten minutes, spring him by
my dressing room. I'd be more than happy to say hello.
Jason: Oh, that would be so terrific.
Jonathon. Mine's the one marked janitor. Helps keep the bozos away.
Jason: didn’t fool me.
Jonathon: So, uh, I’ll see you round.
Jason: See you.
Jason: Alright. Ha ha ha. Alright. Oh, nice guy.
Jonathon: Tony, where you been man? Correct me if I’m wrong, but is it not your job to
Man 1: I was getting a doughnut.
Jonathon: You're out stuffing your fat face man, and some bozo hits on me to meet his stupid
Man 1: I'm sorry.
Jonathon: Oh, you're sorry. Well sorry is not good enough. Now I will meet this guys brat. Why?
Because I’m a nice guy. So go get this pain in the butt photographer and let’s get some PR
mileage out of this. Please. And make sure that future bozos stay out of my face.
Man 1: Hey!
Jason: Its alright, I belong here. I'm the original bozo. Maggie.
Maggie: Where's Ben?
Jason: Still in the bathroom.
Maggie: And they say women take forever.
Jason: hey I just met Jonathon Keith, and I ...
Maggie: Oh and he signed it.
Jason: Yeah, well I was just standing here and he came over, we started talking and before I
knew it he said Ben could meet him in the dressing room.
Maggie: Are you kidding?
Jason: Yeah, but I got to tell you, I heard him say...
Maggie: Ben. Ben, your father has wonderful news. He's arranged it so that you can go back
to Jonathon’s dressing room and meet him.
Jason: Yeah Ben, just a minute. Before you do.. Ben. Nice to see you again.
Photographer: make me believe it.
Ben: Ok, so where was I. Ok, yeah, my names...um..Um, um
Jason: Ben Seaver.
Jason: And Jonathon, this is my wife Maggie. She's also met your dad.
Jonathon: It’s very very nice to meet you.
Maggie: My pleasure.
Jonathon: And this is my road manager Tony. He takes care of me. Sometimes.
Jason: I've heard.
Photographer: hey Jonathon, how about one with your arm around him. Make me believe it.
Maggie: I bet Ben is your biggest fan. He knows everything about you.
Jonathon: Oh well I hope not. Ha ha.
Jason: Ha ha ha.
Ben: Well, I know you are twenty four, you’re from Boston. I know that your song “My only
one" was written for your wife Ellie.
Jonathon: Well she is my only one. She's at home with the baby.
Ben: I know all the words to "Don’t be Down". Don’t be down, uh hu, uh hu. Don't be down,
uh hu, uh hu. Don't be ..
Photographer: Ah Jonathon, one where you are interested in what he's saying.
Jonathon: So how did you end up crashing back stage?
Photographer: Make me believe it.
Ben: My mum called this guy at her TV station.
Maggie: See, I’m kind of a celebrity myself. I'm a reporter for Channel Nineteen.
Jonathon: Oh yeah. Very cool.
Maggie: I think you know our editor. Steve Jerkins?
Jonathon: Yeah. Yes I do.
Maggie: He got us press seats.
Photographer: I got what I need. Thanks.
Jonathon: well, its been nice meeting you.
Ben: Is it true you've got a dog named Grammy?
Ben: Is that your favorite guitar?
Jonathon: Ok Tony, would you make sure our guests receive front row tickets for tonight’s
Man 1: Uh hu.
Ben: Front row!
Jonathon: Hey, I got connections.
Ben: Thanks Jonathon.
Maggie: Thank you.
Jonathon: Alright. Bye. You folks enjoy the show.
Jonathon: Bye bye.
Man 2: Jonathon, Coffee's here.
Jonathon: One Valdez would approve.
Ben: He liked me. He really liked me. What a great guy.
Jason: He sure seems like a great guy.
Ben: Yeah, I can’t wait to show my album to Veto and Stinky and the Bebos brothers. Oh no! I
forgot my album. I'll be right back.
Maggie: Jason, after a while, didn’t you get the sense that Jonathon was, uh, I don’t know..
Jason: Full of bull? So was his father.
Ben: Sorry Jonathon, I forgot my...
Jonathon: Damn it. I'm busy.
Ben: That’s not Ellie.
Jonathon: Would you get the hell out of here. You snot nosed brat! Get out! Out ! Out! Get
Maggie: He called you a bozo?
Jason: Uh hu.
Maggie: But he doesn’t even know you. I mean..
Jason: I know what you mean.
Maggie: Oh here he comes. Pumpkin, are you ready to go?
Ben: Uh hu.
Jason: You got your album?
Ben: Uh hu.
Jason: You got to see Jonathon?
Ben: I sure did.
Carol: Mike, Chrissy needs to be changed.
Mike: No she doesn’t.
Carol: Then you do.
Mike: Alright, alright. She does. Well decide who changes Chrissy, fair and square. Alright,
we'll flip for it. Heads. You look.
Carol: Heads! Let’s go Chrissy.
Mike: You know, it’s a good thing we're both babysitting tonight Carol. You know what they
say? Two heads are always better than one. Especially on coins.
Hey hey guys.
Jason: Hey Mike.
Mike: How was that sound check?
Maggie: Loud, but it was exciting.
Jason: Very. Where are the aspirin?
Ben: I'm going upstairs.
Jason: Yeah, you're going to go up and call your friends and tell them?
Ben: Yeah, that’s a good idea.
Mike: Tell them what?
Maggie: Ben got to meet Jonathon Keith.
Mike: Hey hey! Alright Bennie! So was he everything you hoped he'd be?
Carol: Why do I lose every single coin flip?
Ben: This belongs right here.
Jason: Come on Ben. We're going to be late. Carol, we'll be back from the concert by eleven.
Man: Hey, is this the right house?
Jason: It is for us. Can I help you?
Man: Yeah, I’m Boom Boom.
Jason: You're not here to pick up Carol are you?
Man: No, I'm here to pick up tickets.
Jason: What tickets?
Man: For the Jonathon Keith concert. Front row. I know this is going to put me into hoc, but
hey, who among us hasn’t been there before? Right?
Jason: Hey listen ...
Man: Boom Boom.
Jason: Boom Boom. Yeah. I don’t know anything about this.
Man: Oh, well I talked to a guy named Mike on the phone and he said it's a done deal. He said
just to go to the back house and be sure not to disturb his parents.
Jason: Ah ha. Look Boom Boom, I don’t want to break the news to you, but these tickets
aren’t for sale.
Man: Oh, well sorry to disturb you then. Are you Carol?
Jason: No she's not. Ben!
Jason: A guy named Boom Boom just left here and he said。Ben?
Ben: I don’t feel too good.
Jason: Oh, what's the matter?
Ben: I've got a fever
Jason: A hundred and twenty eight.
Ben: So I should probably stay in tonight, hu?
Jason: Yeah, and you should be basted too.
Ben: I knew it was bad.
Jason: What's going on Ben?
Ben: I told you. I'm not a well man.
Jason: You held this up to the light bulb, didn’t you?
Ben: Ok, so maybe I don’t have a temperature, but I’m still sick.
Jason: Uh hu. And what's this about Mike selling your tickets?
Ben: Well since I wasn’t going to the concert, I figured I could make some easy money.
Jason: You used to have a poster of Jonathon Keith up there, didn’t you?
Ben: I took it down.
Ben: It was making me sick. The ink or something.
Jason: Something happened today when you went backstage to get your album, didn’t it?
Uh? Hey? It’s me remember.
Ben: Dad, Jonathon is a real jerk. I saw him kissing this lady who wasn’t his wife and he called
me a snot nosed little brat.
Jason: Sorry Ben. Hey I had a feeling that maybe Jonathon wasn’t what you exactly what you
thought when you ...
Ben: He’s just a big phony. I hate him. I wish I hadn’t seen him today. I don’t want to see him
or his stupid music again. I'm going to get rid of his records right now.
Jason: Hey hey hey!
Ben: Oh no.
Ben: What if all the guys whose records I like are jerks like Jonathon? What if all famous
people are scum buckets?
Jason: Hey, calm down. Wait a second. Hey Ben. Now just a second. Now I don’t know every
famous person, but I’ll tell you one thing, I imagine they are just like everybody else. Some
are going to be nice and some aren’t so nice. You can’t hate everybody just because of one
Ben: I thought Jonathon liked me. I thought I liked him.
Jason: Yeah, but you didn’t even know him Ben. Come on, all you know about him is what you
hear on his records and what he says on TV. What you read about him.
Jason: So well the image isn’t always what the person is like. Now take your mum for instance.
People watch heron TV, they think she's this cool, rational, all business type news woman. And
I know that’s not the truth. That’s not the whole truth.
Ben: Man, how can Jonathon act like that? I mean doesn’t he know what a slime he is?
Jason: Maybe not. Maybe not. Maybe you know him better than he knows himself.
Ben: That doesn’t make me feel any better.
Jason: Hey remember when you first heard that Kermit wasn’t a real frog?
Ben: Don’t remind me.
Jason: Yeah, well it took you months before you could even watch Sesame Street again. But
Ben: I couldn’t help it. It’s a good show.
Jason: Ok, so just because you found out the truth about Jonathon Keith, doesn’t mean you
cant enjoy his music. Come on. What's that song you like so much? Don't be down...hu hu.
Don’t be down, uh hu.
Ben: The man sure does write a good song.
Jason: Yeah. So come-on, why don’t you and I just go to that concert and see if we can have
Ben: I don’t know.
Jason: Alright, if you don’t want to see Jonathon Keith, Gary Puckets in town. Now I happen to
know he's a real nice guy.
Ben: Dad, I don’t like Gary Puckets music.
Jason: Oh, so you go to a rock concert for the music?
Mike: Hey Bennie, Bennie, I have some great news. I have this guy who's coming over who's
willing to pay big bucks for those tickets.
Jason: His name wouldn’t be Boom Boom, would it?
Mike: Yeah. Yeah, you know him?
Jason: We went to med school together.
Mike: Yeah, anyway, Bennie this guy is ..
Ben: Mike, I don’t want to sell them. We're going to the concert. Right dad?
Ben: You are willing to give up three hundred bucks a ticket?
Ben: We don’t care about the money, do we dad?