《暮色》有声名著第二四章03(中英对照)

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2011-3-23 17:16

《暮色》有声名著第二四章03(中英对照)

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贝拉将自己流放到了福克斯这个偏僻且终年阴雨的小镇上,她怎么也想不到,就是这个抉择,让她与他相遇在命运的十字路口.眼神交会的那一瞬,彼此之间已经明白,等待他们的,除了幸福的诱惑,还有危险的深渊.互相倾心的两人,在爱情与危险间摆荡,一起度过新鲜而刺激的每一天.

He winced at my words, but the haunted look didn't leave his eyes.

"That's not the worst part, though," he continued to whisper. He acted as if I hadn't spoken. "Not seeing you there on the floor… crumpled and broken." His voice was choked. "Not thinking I was too late. Not even hearing you scream in pain — all those unbearable memories that I'll carry with me for the rest of eternity. No, the very worst was feeling… knowing that I couldn't stop. Believing that I was going to kill you myself."

"But you didn't."

"I could have. So easily."

I knew I needed to stay calm… but he was trying to talk himself into leaving me, and the panic fluttered in my lungs, trying to get out.

"Promise me," I whispered.

"What?"

"You know what." I was starting to get angry now. He was so stubbornly determined to dwell on the negative.

He heard the change in my tone. His eyes tightened. "I don't seem to be strong enough to stay away from you, so I suppose that you'll get your way… whether it kills you or not," he added roughly.

"Good." He hadn't promised, though — a fact that I had not missed. The panic was only barely contained; I had no strength left to control the anger. "You told me how you stopped… now I want to know why," I demanded.

"Why?" he repeated warily.

"Why you did it. Why didn't you just let the venom spread? By now I would be just like you."

Edward's eyes seemed to turn flat black, and I remembered that this was something he'd never intended me to know. Alice must have been preoccupied by the things she'd learned about herself… or she'd been very careful with her thoughts around him — clearly, he'd had no idea that she'd filled me in on the mechanics of vampire conversions. He was surprised, and infuriated. His nostrils flared, his mouth looked as if it was chiseled from stone.

He wasn't going to answer, that much was clear.

"I'll be the first to admit that I have no experience with relationships," I said. "But it just seems logical… a man and woman have to be somewhat equal… as in, one of them can't always be swooping in and saving the other one. They have to save each other equally."

He folded his arms on the side of my bed and rested his chin on his arms. His expression was smooth, the anger reined in. Evidently he'd decided he wasn't angry with me. I hoped I'd get a chance to warn Alice before he caught up with her.

"You have saved me," he said quietly.

"I can't always be Lois Lane," I insisted. "I want to be Superman, too."

"You don't know what you're asking." His voice was soft; he stared intently at the edge of the pillowcase.

"I think I do."

"Bella, you don't know. I've had almost ninety years to think about this, and I'm still not sure."

"Do you wish that Carlisle hadn't saved you?"

"No, I don't wish that." He paused before continuing. "But my life was over. I wasn't giving anything up."

"You are my life. You're the only thing it would hurt me to lose." I was getting better at this. It was easy to admit how much I needed him.

He was very calm, though. Decided.

"I can't do it, Bella. I won't do that to you."

"Why not?" My throat rasped and the words weren't as loud as I'd meant them to be. "Don't tell me it's too hard! After today, or I guess it was a few days ago… anyway, after that, it should be nothing."

He glared at me.

"And the pain?" he asked.

I blanched. I couldn't help it. But I tried to keep my expression from showing how clearly I remembered the feeling… the fire in my veins.

"That's my problem," I said. "I can handle it."

"It's possible to take bravery to the point where it becomes insanity."

"It's not an issue. Three days. Big deal."

Edward grimaced again as my words reminded him that I was more informed than he had ever intended me to be. I watched him repress the anger, watched as his eyes grew speculative.

"Charlie?" he asked curtly. "Renée?"

Minutes passed in silence as I struggled to answer his question. I opened my mouth, but no sound came out. I closed it again. He waited, and his expression became triumphant because he knew I had no true answer.

"Look, that's not an issue either," I finally muttered; my voice was as unconvincing as it always was when I lied. "Renée has always made the choices that work for her — she'd want me to do the same. And Charlie's resilient, he's used to being on his own. I can't take care of them forever. I have my own life to live."

"Exactly," he snapped. "And I won't end it for you."

"If you're waiting for me to be on my deathbed, I've got news for you! I was just there!"

"You're going to recover," he reminded me.

I took a deep breath to calm myself, ignoring the spasm of pain it triggered. I stared at him, and he stared back. There was no compromise in his face.

"No," I said slowly. "I'm not."

His forehead creased. "Of course you are. You may have a scar or two…"

"You're wrong," I insisted. "I'm going to die."

"Really, Bella." He was anxious now. "You'll be out of here in a few

days. Two week at most."

I glared at him. "I may not die now… but I'm going to die sometime. Every minute of the day, I get closer. And I'm going to get old."

He frowned as what I was saying sunk in, pressing his long fingers to his temples and closing his eyes. "That's how it's supposed to happen. How it should happen. How it would have happened if I didn't exist — and I shouldn't exist."

I snorted. He opened his eyes in surprise. "That's stupid. That's like going to someone who's just won the lottery, taking their money, and saying, 'Look, let's just go back to how things should be. It's better that way.' And I'm not buying it."

"I'm hardly a lottery prize," he growled.

"That's right. You're much better."

He rolled his eyes and set his lips. "Bella, we're not having this discussion anymore. I refuse to damn you to an eternity of night and that's the end of it."

"If you think that's the end, then you don't know me very well," I warned him. "You're not the only vampire I know."

His eyes went black again. "Alice wouldn't dare."

And for a moment he looked so frightening that I couldn't help but believe it — I couldn't imagine someone brave enough to cross him.

"Alice already saw it, didn't she?" I guessed. "That's why the things she says upset you. She knows I'm going to be like you… someday."

"She's wrong. She also saw you dead, but that didn't happen, either."

"You'll never catch me betting against Alice."

We stared at each other for a very long time. It was quiet except for the whirring of the machines, the beeping, the dripping, the ticking of the big clock on the wall. Finally, his expression softened.

"So where does that leave us?" I wondered.

He chuckled humorlessly. "I believe it's called an impasse."

I sighed. "Ouch," I muttered.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, eyeing the button for the nurse.

"I'm fine," I lied.

"I don't believe you," he said gently.

"I'm not going back to sleep."

"You need rest. All this arguing isn't good for you."

"So give in," I hinted.

"Nice try." He reached for the button.

"No!"

He ignored me.

"Yes?" the speaker on the wall squawked.

"I think we're ready for more pain medication," he said calmly, ignoring my furious expression.

"I'll send in the nurse." The voice sounded very bored.

"I won't take it," I promised.

He looked toward the sack of fluids hanging beside my bed. "I don't think they're going to ask you to swallow anything."

My heart rate started to climb. He read the fear in my eyes, and sighed in frustration.

"Bella, you're in pain. You need to relax so you can heal. Why are you being so difficult? They're not going to put any more needles in you now."

"I'm not afraid of the needles," I mumbled. "I'm afraid to close my eyes."

Then he smiled his crooked smile, and took my face between his hands. "I told you I'm not going anywhere. Don't be afraid. As long as it makes you happy, I'll be here."

I smiled back, ignoring the ache in my cheeks. "You're talking about forever, you know."

"Oh, you'll get over it — it's just a crush."

I shook my head in disbelief— it made me dizzy. "I was shocked when Renée swallowed that one. I know you know better."

"That's the beautiful thing about being human," he told me. "Things change."

My eyes narrowed. "Don't hold your breath."

He was laughing when the nurse came in, brandishing a syringe.

"Excuse me," she said brusquely to Edward.

He got up and crossed to the end of the small room, leaning against the wall. He folded his arms and waited. I kept my eyes on him, still apprehensive. He met my gaze calmly.

"Here you go, honey." The nurse smiled as she injected the medicine into my tube. "You'll feel better now."

"Thanks," I mumbled, unenthusiastic. It didn't take long. I could feel the drowsiness trickling through my bloodstream almost immediately.

"That ought to do it," she muttered as my eyelids drooped.

She must have left the room, because something cold and smooth touched my face.

"Stay." The word was slurred.

"I will," he promised. His voice was beautiful, like a lullaby. "Like I said, as long as it makes you happy… as long as it's what's best for you."

I tried to shake my head, but it was too heavy. "'S not the same thing," I mumbled.

He laughed. "Don't worry about that now, Bella. You can argue with me when you wake up."

I think I smiled. '"Kay."

I could feel his lips at my ear.

"I love you," he whispered.

"Me, too."

"I know," he laughed quietly.

I turned my head slightly… searching. He knew what I was after. His lips

touched mine gently.

"Thanks," I sighed.

"Anytime."

I wasn't really there at all anymore. But I fought against the stupor weakly. There was just one more thing I wanted to tell him.

"Edward?" I struggled to pronounce his name clearly.

"Yes?"

"I'm betting on Alice," I mumbled.

And then the night closed over me.

他因为我的话而畏缩了一下,但那种饱受折磨的神情依然没有离开他的眼底。

“不过,这还不是最糟糕部分。“他继续耳语着,表现得就好像我什么也没说一样。“不是看到你躺在地板上……扭曲着,伤痕累累。“他的声音有些梗咽。“不是以为我已经来得太迟。甚至不是听到了你痛苦的尖叫——这一切令人难以忍受的记忆都将会在我无尽的余生中纠缠着我。不,最糟糕的是那种感觉……我知道我没法停下来。我确信我会亲手杀了你的。“

“可你没有。“

“我会的。只差一点。“

我知道我必须保持冷静……但他正在试图说服自己离开我,恐惧在我的肺部里挣扎着,想要冲出来。

“向我保证。“我耳语着。

“什么?“

“你知道的。“现在我开始生气了。他太固执地决心要详细描述那些消极的事情。

他听出了我语气的变化。他的眼神紧绷起来。“我不够坚强,没法让自己离开你,所以我猜你得用你自己的方式离开……不管这会不会杀了你。“他粗鲁地补充道。

“很好。“尽管,他没有做出保证——这是我无法回避的事实。恐惧只能勉强维持着。我再也没有气力控制自己的愤怒了。“你告诉过我你是怎么停下来的……现在我要知道为什么。“我诘问道。

“为什么?“他警惕地重复道。

“为什么你要这样做。为什么你不让毒液继续传播下去?那样现在我就像你一样了。“
爱德华的眼睛变成了全然的黑色,我想起来了,这是他永远也不想让我知道的事。爱丽丝一定在一心一意地想着自己的事情……或者当他在附近的时候,她一定对自己的想法很小心——很显然,他完全不知道她已经向我灌输了吸血鬼转变的技术性细节。他很惊讶,也生气了。他的鼻孔张大了,他的嘴巴看上去就像是用石头凿出来的一样。

他不打算回答,这很明白。

“首先,我得承认我对亲密关系没什么亲身体会。“我说道。“但这更合乎逻辑……男人和女人应当稍微平等些……就像是,不能老是他们中的一个突然出现然后拯救另一个。他们应该平等的,互相援助。“

他把手臂交叠在我的床边,然后把下巴放在自己的手臂上。他的表情平静下来,他的愤怒遏制住了。很显然他已经决定了不对我发火了。我希望我有机会在他抓到爱丽丝以前警告她。

“你确实救了我。“他安静地说着。

“我不能总当露易丝?莱恩。“我坚持着。“我也想当超人。“

“你不知道你自己在要求着什么。“他的声音很温柔,他紧张地盯着枕头套的边缘。

“我想我知道。“

“贝拉,你不知道。我花了将近九十年的时间去思考这件事,而我还是不能确定。“

“你希望卡莱尔没有救你吗?“

“不,我不希望那样。“他停顿了片刻,然后继续说道。“但我的生命已经结束了。我不必放弃任何东西。“

“你就是我的生命。失去你是唯一能伤害我的事。“我能更好地说出这话了。承认我有多么需要他变得容易了。

可是,他非常地冷静。他做出了决定。

“我不能这样做,贝拉。我不能让那样的事发生在你身上。“

“为什么不能?“我的喉头沙哑着,我大声地说出了那句话,尽管我本意并不想这样大声说的。“别告诉我这太艰难了!在今天以后,或者我猜那已经是很多天以前的事了……无论如何,在那之后,这就不算什么。“

他瞪着我。

“那疼痛呢?“他问道。

我脸色发白。我没法控制住自己。但我试图不让自己的神情表现得太明白。我记起来那种感觉……火焰在我的血管里燃烧着。

“这是我的问题。“我说道。“我能把握住。“

“在情况失控的时候,勇气也许会很有帮助的。“

“这不是问题。就三天。有什么大不了的。“

爱德华又扮了个鬼脸。我的话提醒了他,我比他所希望的知道得更多。我看着他强抑住自己的愤怒,看着他的眼神变得揣度起来。

“查理?“他简要地问道。“蕾妮?“

时间在沉默中一分一秒地过去,我挣扎着想要回答他的问题。我张开嘴巴,但发不出声音。我又闭上了嘴巴。他等待着,然后露出了胜利的神情。因为他知道我没法如实回答。
“看,这也不是问题。“我最终喃喃低语道。当我撒谎的时候,我的声音总是没法让人信服。“蕾妮总会为自己做出选择——她也想要我这样做。而查理能恢复过来,他过去一直是一个人。我不能永远为他们操心。我有我自己的人生要过。“

“确实如此。“他猛地说道。“而我不能结束你的人生。“

“如果你在等我奄奄一息的时候,那我有好消息要告诉你!我就在这里!“

“你会好起来的。“他提醒我。

我深吸了一口气,让自己冷静下来,不去理会这个动作带来的一阵痉挛的疼痛。我瞪着他,他瞪了回来,脸上没有半点让步。

“不,“我慢慢地说道。“我不会的。“

他的前额皱了起来。“当然你会的。你只会留下一两个伤疤……“

“你错了。“我坚持说道。“我会死的。“

“真的,贝拉。“现在他焦急起来了。“你只需在这里待上几天就能出院了。最多两周。“

我瞪着他。“我也许不会在现在死去……但我终有一日会死去的。每一天,每一分钟,我都在离死亡更近。而且我会变老的。“

他听着我说的话,皱起了眉头,把他长长的手指压在鬓角,然后闭上了眼睛。“这正是应该发生的事情。这是本来应该发生的事情。如果我没有出现的话,这早该发生了——而我根本不应该出现。“

我哼了一声。他惊讶地睁开眼睛。“这太愚蠢了。就像是某个人刚刚赢得了一张彩票,把钱都领走了,然后说‘看,让我们回到从前,事情应该是那样子的,那样会更好些。’我不会买账的。

“我绝对不是一份彩票大奖。“他咆哮着。

“没错。你要好多了。“

他翻了翻眼睛,然后启唇说道:“贝拉,我们不会再继续讨论这个话题了。我拒绝诅咒你陷入无尽的黑夜。到此为止。“

“如果你认为这事就这样结束了,那你就太不了解我了。“我警告他。“你不是我认识的唯一一个吸血鬼。“
他的眼睛又变暗了。“爱丽丝没这个胆量。“

然后有一瞬间,他看上去是那么可怕。我情不自禁地想要相信这一点——我想象不出有人能勇敢与他面对面。

“爱丽丝已经看到了,不是吗?“我猜测着。“这就是为什么她说这些会让你心烦。她知道我会成为像你们那样的人……终有一日会的。“

“她错了。她也看见过你的死亡,但这也没有发生。“

“你永远也逮不到我和爱丽丝打赌。“

我们都盯着对方,瞪了很久很久。屋里安静得只能听到机器的呼呼声,蜂鸣声,滴水声,还有墙上的钟的滴答声。最终,他的表情缓和下来了。

“所以,我们现在进行到哪儿了?“我想知道。

他毫无幽默地轻笑起来。“我相信,这叫僵局。“

我叹了口气。“哎唷。“我低声说道。

“你感觉怎么样?“他问道,眼睛盯着呼唤护士的那个按钮。

“我很好,“我撒了谎。

“我不会相信你的。“他温柔地说道。

“我不想睡过去。“

“你需要休息。这些争论对你没好处。“

“那么,投降吧。“我暗示着。

“不错的尝试。“他伸手去够那个按钮。

“不!“

他不理会我。

“怎么了?“墙上传来的说话声问道。

“我想我们已经准备好使用更多的止痛药了。“他冷静地说道,完全不顾我狂怒的神情。

“我会去叫护士。“那个声音听起来很厌烦。

“我不会服药的。“我保证道。

他看向挂在我床边的那个输液袋。“我不认为他们会要你吞药片的。“

我的心率开始加快了。他看懂了我眼里的害怕,然后挫败地叹了口气。

“贝拉,你很疼。你需要休息,这样你才能康复。为什么你要这么难相处呢?他们不会拿针扎你了。“

“我不怕针头。“我咕哝着说道。“我只是害怕闭上眼睛。“

于是,他弯弯坏笑,用双手捧起我的脸:“我告诉过你,我不会去任何地方的。别害怕。只要这能让你快乐,我会一直待在这里。“
我报以一笑,不去理会脸颊上的隐隐作痛。“你在说永远,你知道的。“

“哦,你会克服的——这只是一见倾心的狂热。“

我难以置信地摇了摇头——这让我头晕眼花。“当蕾妮接受这个说法时我大吃一惊。我知道你了解得更清楚。“

“当人类实在是件美妙的事。“他告诉我。“事情会改变的。“

我的眼睛眯缝起来。“别屏住呼吸。“

他大笑起来,这时,护士走了进来,手里挥舞着一支注射器。

“打扰了。“她唐突地向爱德华说道。

他站了起来,穿过房间走到这间小屋子的另一头,倚在墙上。他把双臂交叠在胸前,等待着。我的目光一直停留在他身上,我依然惴惴不安着。他冷静地看着我的眼睛。

“你在这儿,甜心。“那个护士微笑着,把药物注射到我的软管里。“现在你会感觉好些的。“

“谢谢。“我毫无热情地低声说道。这没花多长时间。我能感觉到,睡意几乎是立刻就流淌在了我的血液之中。

“这是我应该做的。“当我的眼皮慢慢垂下来时,她低声说道。

她一定已经离开房间了,因为一个冰冷光滑的东西正触碰着我的脸。

“留下来。“这句话是那么的含糊。

“我会的。“他保证道。他的声音是那么的美妙,就像是催眠曲一样。“就像我说的,只要这能让你快乐……只要这对你来说是最好的。“

我试图摇头,但我的头太沉重了。“那不一样。“我喃喃低语着。

他笑出声来。“现在不用担心这个,贝拉。你可以等到你醒来的时候再跟我争论。“

我想我在微笑。“Kay。“

我能感觉到,他的唇落在了我的耳畔。

“我爱你,“他耳语着。

“我也是。“

“我知道。“他轻声笑了起来。

我稍稍转过头……搜寻着。他知道我在等着什么。他的唇温柔地吻上了我的唇。

“谢谢。“我叹了口气。

“不用谢。“

我真的要睡过去了。但我依然虚弱地和麻木感挣扎着。还有一件事我要告诉他。

“爱德华?“我挣扎着,清晰地拼出他的名字。

“嗯?“

“我和爱丽丝打赌了。“我喃喃低语着。

然后,黑夜淹没了我。