因此，据杰出之史家所云，在本质上毫无值得珍视之物，亦从未珍视过何物之凯尔特人中，唯医术受到极高推崇，亦不足为奇。 举凡医院、麻疯病人收容所、蒸汽浴室、瘟疫患者埋葬所自不待言，彼等之名医奥希尔家族、奥希基家族、奥利家族 ，亦均孜孜不倦制定了能够使病人及旧病复发者康复之种种疗法——不论彼等所患为乳毒病、痨病抑或痢疾。凡属有意义之社会保健事业，咸须慎重进行筹备。彼等遂采取一项方案 （不知为深思熟虑之结果，抑或出自积年累月之经验，尚难断言。因后世研究者意见纷纭，迄今尚无定论）：分娩乃女性所面临之最大苦难。当此之际，只需交纳微不足道之费用，不论其家道殷实，抑或仅能勉强糊口，乃至一贫如洗，产院律施以必要之医疗，俾使孕妇免遭任何可能发生之意外。
此时护士乃将目光转向来者身着之黑色丧服，并满怀忧戚，讯及彼有何伤心之事。后又消除疑虑。彼问及奥黑尔大夫可曾从遥远之彼岸捎信来？护士不胜悲伤，乃叹曰：奥黑尔大夫已升天堂矣。男子闻讫，哀痛万分，肠断魂销。此刻护士方倾诉全部情况，对英年早逝之友深表哀悼，然又谓此乃出于天主正当之旨意，不敢妄加评议。护士云：蒙上主恩宠，彼临终已向主持弥撒之神父忏悔，并领圣体。病体被涂以圣油，获得清清白白之善终。男子诚心诚意讯问护士，死者因患何疾而终？护士答曰，彼在莫纳岛[ 9] 死于肠癌。不日到来之圣婴孩殉教节为其三周年忌辰。护士向大慈大悲之天主祷告，裨使彼亲爱之灵魂获得永生。该男子闻护士所陈可悲之经过，持帽瞠目凄然而视。二人伫立片刻，均沉浸于阴郁哀思之中。
城堡中央设芬兰桦木桌一座，系由该国四名侏儒所支撑。彼等被妖术蛊惑，动弹不得。桌上摆有大小刀剑若干，寒气逼人；此刀剑均于冶炼魔王之巨大洞穴中，以白色火焰铸成，再套以群栖于当地的水牛与牡鹿之角。此外还有凭着玛罕德之魔法以海沙与空气制成，并由魔术师以丹田之气吹制的许多容器。桌上珍膳佳馔样样俱全，无人能做出如此丰盛美味之菜肴。尚有银缸一只，其盖须用特殊技巧方能开启。内横卧无头怪鱼。[ 15] 此情此景，心存疑窦者非亲眼所见绝难相信。诸鱼浸于运自葡萄牙的油液中；此液脂肪甚丰，酷似榨自橄榄之油。堡内，凭借魔术从迦勒底 所产丰腴的小麦胚胎中制成之混合物，又以烈性醑剂使之奇妙膨胀为状如大山之物。彼等并还将长竿插于地中，令蛇缠于竿上，并在蛇鳞中酿出蜂蜜酒般之饮料。
话题转至众人肆饮大醉上。桌子两侧就坐者为：仁慈圣母玛利亚医院二年级学生迪克森，其伙伴医科学生林奇和马登[ 21] ，乡绅利内翰、阿尔巴·隆加出身之克罗瑟斯[ 22] ，以及青年斯蒂芬。斯蒂芬面庞酷似修士，坐于上座，另有不久前因表现出豪饮之勇而获得“潘趣·科斯特洛“之雅号的科斯特洛（座中除了青年斯蒂芬而外，彼乃最烂醉如泥者，越醉越讨蜂蜜酒喝），再有即是谦和的利奥波德爵士。此刻众人在等候青年玛拉基，彼曾允诺前来。心感不悦者责彼何以爽约。利奥波德爵士留于席间，盖彼与西蒙爵士及其公子、青年斯蒂芬亲密无间。彼长途跋涉后，备受殷勤款待，倦意渐消。恋情驱使彼到处飘泊，此刻却满怀友情，不忍遽然离去。
此刻青年斯蒂芬将空杯斟满，倘非较彼谨慎者出面拦阻，则所余即无几矣。斯蒂芬继续忙于劝酒，既祈愿获得教皇之祝福，又提出为基督之代理干杯，并曰，教皇堪称布雷教区代理主教。斯蒂芬曰：“干杯，诸君，且饮蜂蜜酒。虽非属吾肉身，此亦吾魂魄之象征。对仅靠面包而生存者，[ 45] 赐之以面包。勿愁酒将匮乏。面包使人沮丧，酒则带来慰藉。且看！“言罢，遂亮出贡品：闪闪发光之硬币及金饰师所制钞票，共计二镑十九先令。谓此乃彼所作歌曲之报酬。在座者均知彼素来拮据，故见此巨款，均惊异不止。此时，彼陈辞如下：“诸君，且听吾言，于时间之废墟上筑造永恒之宫殿。此话何解？情欲之风摧残荆棘丛，随后荆棘丛在时间之小园中萌芽，绽开玫瑰。聆听吾言：在女子的子宫内，道成了肉身，然而在造物主心中，所有必将消亡之肉身，一概变成不会消亡之道。此乃第二创造也。凡有血气者，均来归顺。我等强有力的母亲，可敬之母，孕育了为凡人赎罪者（即救世主、牧人）之贵体，其名何其有力。伯尔纳此言不谬矣！圣母玛利亚拥有向天主恳求的全能之术。吾辈凭借连绵不绝之脐带与之保持血缘的远祖，为了一只便宜苹果竟将我等子孙、种族，祖祖辈辈悉数出卖，而玛利亚作为第二个夏娃，正如奥古斯丁所云，拯救了芸芸众生。问题在于：第二个夏娃知晓基督乃是神之子，伊身为童贞之母，汝子之女，仅只是造物主所造之物；抑或不知基督乃神之子，与住在杰克所盖之房中之渔夫彼得以及木匠约瑟（彼乃使一切不幸婚姻获得圆满之主保圣人）一道不认耶稣或对耶稣不予理睬。因利奥·塔克西尔告诸吾曹，使伊沦至此步尴尬田地者，圣鸽也。天主可怜我等！非变体论即同体论，然而绝非实体下。“众人闻讫，大叫曰：“此言可鄙矣。““受孕无愉悦，“彼曰，“分娩无阵痛，肉身无疤痕，腹部未鼓起。好色之徒自可虔诚、热烈礼赞之。吾曹断然予以抵制，抗拒。“
长话短说。随后，埃克尔斯街仁慈圣母玛利亚医院之迪克森君乃会心一笑，问青年斯蒂芬曰：“汝为何未立誓出家当修士？“彼答曰：“在胎中必顺从，入墓后自贞节。余毕生受穷，实非出自本意也。“利内翰君立即驳斥曰：“吾风闻汝之恶行。“遂将所闻一一道来：谓彼曾玷污信任彼之女子那百合般之贞操，此乃未成年者之堕落行为也。举座咸证明确属事实，乃欢声大作，为彼做人之父而干杯。然而斯蒂芬曰：“与汝等所想大相径庭。吾乃永恒之子，至今仍为童贞。“闻讫，众人愈益欢呼，对彼曰：“汝之婚礼犹如祭司于马达加斯加岛上所举行之稀奇仪式[ 59] ：剥掉新娘衣裳，使其失去贞操。新娘身裹素白与桔黄嫁衣， 新郎着洁白与胭脂色衣，点燃甘松油脂及小蜡烛，双双躺在新婚床上。众教士齐唱。‘主啊’及赞歌‘为了通晓性交之全部奥秘’，直至新娘当场被破瓜为止。“斯蒂芬遂将敏感之诗人约翰·弗莱彻君与弗朗西斯·博蒙特君所作《处女之悲剧》中旨在开导情侣之精彩结婚小调教给众人。在维金纳琴和谐伴奏下，反复唱叠句：“上床！上床！“此首绝妙而优美动听之喜歌，给予年轻情侣莫大慰藉及信念。彼等在男女傧相所持馥郁华丽之花烛照耀下，来到颠鸾倒凤所用之四脚舞台跟前。“彼等二人幸得相会矣，“迪克森君喜曰，“然而，年轻的先生，且听吾言，彼等毋宁改称博·蒙特与莱彻。这一结合，成果必甚丰。“青年斯蒂芬曰，彼记得一清二楚，彼等二人共享有一名情妇，伊实为娼妇是也。彼时生活中充满了欣喜欢乐，伊周旋于二人之间。家乡风俗[67 ] 对此甚为宽容。“一个人让妻子与友同寝，“彼曰，“人间之爱莫此为甚。‘汝去，照样为之！’此言，或其他有类似含意之言语，系出自曾在牛尾大学开‘法国文学’钦定讲座之查拉图斯特拉 教授。此人赐与人类之恩惠，无人企及。带陌生人入汝之圆形炮塔，汝必睡次好之床，否则大难必然临头。弟兄们，为吾本人祈祷。[ 72] 众人遂曰：‘啊们。’让爱琳记住历代之年，上古之日。汝何以不尊重吾人及吾言，擅将陌生人引进吾门，于吾眼前行邪淫[ 74] ，如耶书仑，渐渐肥胖，踢踢踹踹。因此，汝背叛光犯下罪行；致使汝主沦为众仆之奴。归来兮，归来兮，米利族， 勿忘吾，噫，米列西亚族。汝为何在余眼前作恶，为一名药喇叭商贾踢开余？汝女为何不认余，并与罗马人及不通语言之印度人共寝于豪华床榻？看哪，吾民，自何列布、尼波与比斯迦以及哈顿角峰[ 81] ，俯瞰那流淌奶与钱之地方。然而，汝供余饮者，苦奶也。余之太阴与太阳，则被汝永远消灭之。汝将余永远撇在苦难黑暗之路途上。汝吻吾唇时，有股湿灰气味。此乃内心之黑暗也。“彼续曰：“以《七十子希腊文本圣经》之睿智，亦未能使其豁然开朗，甚至只字未提。来自苍穹之黎明已破地狱之门，并造访极偏远之黑暗。对暴虐习以为常，遂麻木不仁矣（正如塔尔关于亲爱的斯多葛派所云）。哈姆莱特之父即不曾将燎浆泡之疤痕出示王子。出现于人生白昼之不透明，犹如埃及之灾害，惟有生前与死后之黑暗，方为最适当之场所与途径。然而万物之目的及终局多少均与发端及起源相一致：即诞生后逐渐发育成长，随后则依自然法则，朝终局缩小、退步，以后退之变化告终。吾曹在天日下之生存，亦同于上述众多相对关系。三名老姊妹为吾曹接生：吾曹涕哭、长胖、嬉戏、接吻、拥抱、别离、衰老、死亡。伊等则屈身俯视我等遗容。初卧于老尼罗河之畔芦苇丛中用枝条所编之床上，得到拯救。最后，伴以山猫与鹗鸟之齐声哀鸣，埋葬于隐蔽之墓中。该墓之所在无人知晓，吾曹将受何判决：赴陀斐特抑或伊甸城，亦全然不知。回顾后方，欲知吾曹存在之意义，起源于何等遥远地域，亦不可得矣。“
呜呼！阴沉沉之器物破碎声响彻街头，发出回音。托尔[ 98] 在左边轰鸣。掷锤者之愤怒可畏。暴风雨袭来，使科斯特洛之心得以沉静。林奇君瞩彼曰，力戒对人出口不逊，肆意谩骂，盖其应下地狱之饶舌与亵读神明之言词，使神震怒也。彼原先肆意寻衅，而今则面色倏地发白，引人注目，并缩成一团。其始气势汹汹，俄而闻言丧胆，雷声隆隆之时，心在胸膛内狂跳不已。有人挖苦，有人嘲笑。潘趣·科斯特洛复狂饮啤酒，利内翰君发誓曰：“吾亦效之。“此言既轻浮且具挑衅性，不值得理睬。然彼吹牛大王则叫嚣曰：“即便神老爹藏于吾杯中，与吾何干？吾决不落人后。“然彼乃蜷缩于霍恩大厅之内而出此言，愈益显示其懦弱之至也。为鼓起勇气，彼遂将杯中物一饮而尽。此时雷声经久不息，遍及苍穹。马登君耳闻世界末日之霹雳信号，一时满腔敬畏，捶胸不已。布卢姆君则趋近吹牛者，以缓和其巨大恐惧，并安慰曰：“吾仅略闻噪音。看，雷神头部降雨矣，此皆正常之自然现象耳。“
然而青年吹牛大王所怀恐惧，因“安抚者“之语而消失欤？否。盖彼胸中插有尖钉，名曰苦恼，非语言所能消除者也。彼能安详若布卢姆，虔诚若马登乎？彼虽愿如此，却未能如愿。但彼能否努力重新觅到少年时代赖以为生之“纯洁“瓶欤？诚然，彼缺“圣恩“，无从寻觅该瓶，奈何。彼是否在轰鸣中闻得“生育“神之声，或“安抚者“所云“现象“之噪音乎？闻欤？若非塞住“理解“之管（彼并未塞），彼必闻之。通过该管，彼始领悟自己位于“现象“之国，迟早必死。盖彼一如他人，在进行一场即将消逝之演出也。彼肯于接受死亡，如他人一般消逝乎？彼绝不欲接受。“现象“根据《法则》一书，命令彼从事男人与妻子所行之举，彼亦断然拒绝。盖彼不欲从事更多之演出也。然彼对被称作“信吾者“ 之另一国土，“欢喜“王之福地，无死、无生、不娶不嫁 、无母性、凡信仰者悉能进入之永恒之地，一无所知乎？然。“虔诚“告彼以该国之事，“节操“指示彼以通往该国之路。但途中，彼遇一形貌艳丽之妓，自称“一鸟在手“，曰：“呔，汝美男子，跟吾来，带汝赴一极佳之所。“一片甜言蜜语，将彼从正路诱人歧途！凭借甜嘴蜜舌，将彼引入名“双鸟在林“之洞穴，学者或称之为“肉欲“。
于是，六月十六日（星期四）帕特里克·迪格纳穆卒于脑溢血。葬于地下。久旱之后，天降喜雨。一名运泥炭约航行五十英里水路之船夫曰：“种子无从萌芽，田野涸竭，色极暗淡，恶臭冲天，沼地与小丘亦如是矣。“无人记得旱越为虐始自何时，嫩芽尽皆枯萎，呼吸亦复艰难。玫瑰花蕾均化为褐色，锈迹斑斑，丘陵上惟有干涸之葛蒲与枝条而已。星星之火，即可燎原。举世皆云，与此旱情相比，去岁二月间风暴之灾亦小巫见大巫矣。如前所述，日暮时，风起西空，夜幕降临后，出现大朵乌云，翻滚膨胀。喜观天象者咸望之：惟见一道道闪电，十时许，一声巨雷，伴以悠长轰鸣，骤雨若烟雾，众人仓皇遁往家中。暴雨乍下，男子即以布片或手帕遮草帽，女子则撩起裙裾，跳蹿而去。自伊利广场、巴戈特街与杜克草坪，穿过梅里翁草地，直至霍尔街。当初干涸龟裂，而今猛水奔流，轿子、公共马车、出租小马车，一概不见踪影。然而最初之霹雳后，即不再闻雷声。在法官菲茨吉本 阁下（彼乃于大学境内与律师希利“平起平坐之人物）住宅之对门，绅士中之绅士玛拉基·穆利根适从作家穆尔先生（原为教皇派， 人谓而今乃虔诚之威廉派）家中步出，路遇亚历克·班农（。班农留短发（身着肯达尔绿色粗呢舞衣者近来时兴此种发式），正乘驿马车从穆林加尔进城来。彼曰，彼堂弟与玛拉基·穆利根之弟在该处逗留一月，直至圣斯维辛节 。相互讯问欲往何处？班农曰：“返家途中。“穆利根曰：“吾应邀赴安德烈·霍恩产院，饮上一盅。“并要班农告以身高超过同龄人、胖到脚后跟之轻佻妞儿 事，因大雨滂沦，二人同赴霍恩产院。《克劳福德日报》之利奥波德·布卢姆与一帮喜诙谐、看似好争论之徒于此宽坐。计有：仁慈圣母医院三年级学生迪克森、文·林奇、一苏格兰人、威尔·马登、为亲自下赌注之马伤心不已之托·利内翰和斯蒂芬·迪。利奥波·布卢姆原为解乏而来，现已略恢复元气。今晚彼曾做一奇梦：其妻摩莉足登红拖鞋，身着土耳其式紧身裤，博闻多识者谓此乃进入一个新阶段之征兆。普里福伊太太系住院待产妇 ，惜预产期已过二日，仍卧于产褥上，助产士焦急万分，不见分娩。灌以可充作上好收敛剂之米汤一碗，亦呕吐之，且呼吸无比困难。众人云：据胎动，必得一顽皮小子，企盼天主使其平安产下。吾闻此胎儿乃第九名生存者。报喜节日 ，普里福伊太太曾为满周岁之小八剪指甲。然该儿已尾随其三个曾哺以母乳之兄姊夭折，仅在君王《圣经》[ 111]上用秀丽字迹留下芳名而已。夫君普里福伊业已五十开外，虽系遁道公会教徒，仍照领圣体 不误。每逢主日，倘天气晴朗，彼即携二儿至阉牛港 外，以装有牢固鱼轮之竿垂钓，或乘自备方头平底船，用拖网捕比目鱼与绿鳕，满载而归。如是我闻。简言之，大雨无尽， 万物复苏，丰收在望。然而见多识广者云： 据玛拉基之历书，风雨之后预测将有火灾（吾闻拉塞尔先生本着源于印度的同一要旨，为其“农民报“ 撰写预见性咒文），三者不可缺一）此乃无稽之谈，仅能迷惑老妪小儿而已 ，但偶尔立论亦能恰当中肯，实为奇妙。
此刻利内翰趋至桌边，曰：“当日晚报上刊一函，“遂浑身翻找（彼赌咒云，该函使彼心如刀绞）。经斯蒂芬劝解，彼方作罢，并嘱迅速在近旁落座。彼放荡成性，自谓生性滑稽诙谐、调皮而不怀恶意。平素玩弄女人、赛马、传播淫秽艳闻为其拿手好戏。实言之，彼身无长物，与人贩子、马夫、赌注经纪人、二流子、走私者、徒弟、暗娼、妓女以及其他无赖为伍，多在咖啡店及小酒馆中盘桓。或经常与萍水相逢之法警及巡警狂饮蛋糖白葡萄酒 ，自午夜至天明，探听众多黄色丑闻。彼通常就餐于简易食堂，只凭囊中仅有之一枚六便士银币，即可吃上一碗残羹剩饭或一盘下水。随即鼓起舌簧，满口皆更自娼妓之流的淫乱秽语，致使每个母胎所生之子莫不捧腹。另一男子科斯特洛闻言，问该函文系诗乎？或故事乎？利内翰曰：“皆非也，弗兰克（此乃科斯特洛之名），该函涉及因瘟疫而即将悉数被屠杀之凯里母牛。让其连同罐头牛肉一道见鬼去！（彼眨眼云）遭瘟的！锡器中盛有无比美味之鱼，请品尝之。“遂殷勤劝弗兰克进食旁边所置腌西鲱鱼。其间，利内翰贪婪注视之，终于得手。彼饿矣，食鱼实乃此行之主要目的。弗兰克遂用法语云：“让母牛死光。“彼曾受雇于一名在波尔多 拥有酒窖之白兰地出口商，操上流人士之文雅法语。弗兰克生性怠情，其父（一小警官）煞费苦心，送彼学习文理并掌握地球仪；注册升入大学，专攻机械学。然而彼任性放肆若未驯之野驹，对法官与教区差役比对书本更亲。彼一度志愿做演员，继而欲当随军酒食小贩，时赖赌账，时又耽于斗熊与斗鸡。忽而立志乘船远航，忽而又与吉卜赛人结伙，浪迹天涯；借月光绑架乡出之嗣子，或偷女佣之内衣，或藏身于柴垣之后，勒死雏鸡。彼离家出走之次数与猫儿转生不相上下。每逢囊空如洗，彼即返回家中。其父任小警官，每次见彼即洒下一品脱泪水。利奥波德先生诚心欲知晓缘由，乃抱臂曰：“彼等欲将牛屠杀殆尽乎？今朝吾确曾见到牛群，将用船载往利物浦 。吾不相信事情竟至如此糟糕。“数载前，彼曾在约瑟夫·卡夫 先生手下任雇员。卡夫乃一可敬之生意人，在普鲁西亚街加文·洛先生的牧场附近从事畜牧业，在草地上拍卖牲畜。因此，布卢姆对传种牲畜、产前之母牛、满两岁之肥公猪以及阉羊，均十分熟悉。“吾对汝言持有疑问，“彼曰，“牛所患之疾病听来更似支气管炎或牛舌炎。“斯蒂芬先生略为动容，但仍文质彬彬地答曰：“并非如此。奥地利皇帝[ 122]之御马主事已发来快函表示谢意。彼将派遣全莫斯科维[ 123] 首屈一指之名兽医 ——牛瘟博士，凭藉一两粒大药丸，即能抓住公牛角[ 125] 。““呔，吹，“文森特先生曰，“坦率言之，倘该博士对爱尔兰公牛动手，必将被牛角勾住，进退维谷。““名称与产地均为爱尔兰，“斯蒂芬先生曰，并依次为众人斟浓啤酒，一如闯入英国瓷器店中之一头爱尔兰公牛。 “吾理解汝意，“迪克森先生曰，“此即农场主尼古拉斯送往本岛之同一公牛 耳。彼为最优秀之家畜饲养员，鼻孔上穿着一枚绿宝石 环。““诚然诚然，“文森特先生隔桌曰，“一语道破，如此膘肥体壮之公牛，从未在三叶苜蓿上拉过屎。彼生有巨角，毛色金黄，鼻孔散发芳香，若袅袅轻烟。本岛妇女遂撇下生面团与擀面杖，与公牛殿下戴上串串雏菊花环，随彼而去。““何以至此？“迪克森先生曰，公牛动身之前，宦官兼农场主尼古拉斯嘱一帮同为阉人之医生，将其彻底阉割之。尼古拉斯云：‘去！吾表弟哈利陛下之命令，汝必言听计从。现接受农场主之祝福！’话音未落，啪地击其臀部。““表示祝福之一击，稗益良多。“文森特先生曰：“作为补偿，彼将力量相当于两头公牛之秘诀传授下来。处女、妻子、女修道院院长与寡妇至今断言，伊等与其跟爱尔兰四片绿野 上最英俊、强壮、专门勾引女人之年轻小伙子睡觉， 不如随时都于幽暗牛棚中，对着牛耳嗫嚅 ，并希望彼用神圣的长舌舔自己的脖颈。“ 此刻另一男子曰：“伊等给彼穿上刺绣花边衣裙，配以坎肩及腰带，袖口缀以褶边，将额发剪短，浑身涂以鲸脑油 。于每一街角为其筑一座黄金牛槽，装满市上最上等干草，供其尽情伏卧拉屎。此时教友们之神父（彼等对公牛之别称）因过于肥胖，难以步行至牧场。为了不使其受累，工于心计之妇人及姑娘乃将饲料兜在围裙中为彼送去。饱餐后，彼用后腿立起，供太大小姐一窥奥秘，并以公牛之语既吼且叫，伊等齐声效之。““哎，“另一人曰，“彼益愈纵容自己，除了供自己食用之绿草（彼头脑中惟有绿色）不容国土上生长任何植物。岛屿中央之小山丘，竖有一牌，上云：“奉哈利王 御旨，地上生绿草。““因此，“迪克森先生曰，“只要风闻罗斯康芒或康尼马拉原野上有盗牲畜者，抑或斯莱戈 农夫播种一把芥籽或一袋菜籽，彼即奉哈利王御旨，跑遍半壁乡村，用犄角将所种之物连根掘起。““起初二人之间发生争执，“文森特先生曰，“哈利王称农场主尼古拉斯为‘天下老尼克 之大杂烩’，家中蓄七名私娼之老鸨[ 137] 。吾欲惩戒之。尼古拉斯曰：‘用先父遗下之牛阴茎快鞭，使此畜生一尝地狱味道’。““然某日傍晚，“迪克森先生曰，“哈利王于划船比赛中获得冠军（彼使用鍬型桨子，惟依比赛规章第一条， 其他选手均用草耙划船），为了赴晚宴，彼正修整高贵之皮肤 时， 发现自己酷似公牛。遂翻阅藏于餐具室、手垢斑斑之小册子 ，查明自己确系罗马人通称为 “牛中之牛“ 那头著名斗牛 旁系之后裔。其名字确为蹩脚拉丁语，意即：“展览主持者。““此后，“文森特先生曰，“哈利于当众廷臣之面， 将头扎进牛之饮水槽，及至从水中伸出头后，告以自己之新名 。彼听任水哗哗流淌， 身着祖母所遗旧罩衫及裙子，并购一册公牛语 语法书习之。然而只学会人称代名词，遂用大字抄录，默记之，每当外出散步，衣袋中辄装满粉笔，在岩石边沿、茶馆桌子、棉花包或软木浮子上胡乱涂写。简言之。彼与爱尔兰牛 旋即成为莫逆，犹如臀部与衬衫然。““此语不差“，斯蒂芬先生曰，“其结果，本岛男子发现负情女子异口同声，无可救药。遂建造舟筏，携家财登船，桅杆尽皆竖起，举行登舷礼，转船首向风，顶风停泊，扬起三面帆，在风与水之间挺起船首，起锚，转舵向左，海盗旗迎风飘扬，三呼万岁，每次三遍，开动舱底污水泵，离开兜售杂物之小舟，驶至海面上，航往美洲大陆。““彼时，“文森特先生曰，“一水手长谱一首滑稽歌曲：
学生们之寓言行将结束时，吾等畏友玛拉基·穆利根先生偕初邂逅之友出现于门口，系一青年绅士，名亚历克·班农 也。彼新近进城，报名参军，欲在国防军中购一旗手或骑兵旗手之位置。适才谈论之治病方案，与穆利根先生之方针不谋而合，因此彼欣然表示兴趣。乃递予众人各一组名片，系当日出自昆内尔先生之印刷厂承印者。上以秀丽之斜体字印着“兰贝岛““受精媒介业 人工授精业 玛拉基·穆利根先生“。彼阐述曰：在城里，福普林·波平杰伊爵士与米尔克索普·奎德南克 爵士游手好闲，专事寻欢作乐。彼拟远离此圈子，献身于赋予吾曹肉体机能之最高尚事业。“好友请道来，吾等当洗耳恭听，“迪克森先生曰，“个中想必有猥亵气味。二位且移身坐下。坐与站都一样便宜。 “穆利根先生遂接受邀请，对听众详述其计划。此计划系根据对不妊之原因进行考察而得，原因包括抑制与禁欲。抑制乃夫妇不和或互不协调所致，禁欲则由于天生缺陷或后天之习癖。彼曰：目睹新婚燕尔之床最宝贵之担保被剥夺，痛何如哉。众多可人之富孀被恶贯满盈之僧侣所霸占，禁锢于格格不入之女修道院中，使光艳藏诸木斗之下；另有如花似玉之女子，在市井粗鄙之徒怀中凋零，而伊等本应倍享幸福。如上诸多冰清玉洁之女性成为牺牲品，而附近本有百名英俊男子欲爱之不能。穆利根云，每念及此，心如刀割。为了免除祸患（彼已下结论，认为此乃潜热受到压抑之故），彼与有识之士共商谈对策，决心向兰贝岛主塔尔博待·德马拉海德爵士[ 154]购买该岛土地之绝对所有权及自由保有权。此爵士系著名之托利党成员，对蒸蒸日上之吾党颇加赞许。乃提议在此建造国立受精场 ，取名“中心“，并竖一方尖碑 ，乃据埃及式样凿成。不论何等身分之女子，凡欲满足其天然官能者一旦来此，彼必为之忠心效劳，俾使之受孕。彼曰，吾所图并非金钱，劳务费不取分文。最穷之厨娘乃至社交界阔夫人，只要渴望在身心方面得到尽情满足，均能在彼处找到理想之男性。彼曰，为了取得营养，食谱限于馥郁之球根、鱼及野兔——尤其后者乃多产啮齿动物，极适宜达到彼之目的。不论烤或炖，只需添上一片肉豆寇叶，一二颗辣椒即可。热切而坚定地发表完此冗长演说之后，穆利根先生立即取下遮帽手帕。二人似均受雨淋。虽已加快步伐，通身仍均湿透，见于彼所着灰色手织灰呢短裤上之斑纹。众人闻其计划，莫不欣喜，并衷心颂扬之。惟独玛利亚医院之迪克森先生则故意责难。谓：彼欲运煤至纽卡斯尔乎？穆利根先生则对该学者报以脑中所记一段恰如其分之古典引文，根据既充分，又能雍容大方地支持其论点：噫，诸市民，当代道义之颓废，江河日下。吾辈家中妇女，偏爱被温柔男予以手指作淫荡之搔痒，而弃罗马百人队长之沉重辜丸及异常勃起于不顾。 彼并为不够机智者举出更合乎彼等胃口之动物界实例——诸如树林间空地上之公鹿母鹿，农家场院中之公鸭母鸭等，以此类推，阐述要点。
彼饶舌家着实仪表堂堂，并素以风度翩翩自豪。现将话题转至本人服装上，对天气之乍变，愤然予以谴责。众人则大赞此公所提方案。其友， 一年轻绅士，对新近之艳遇 喜不自胜，不禁告知邻座。此刻，穆利根先生扫视桌面， 问饼与鱼系供何人食用？及至瞥见异邦人，乃彬彬有礼地深打一躬，问曰：“敢问足下需要吾曹在专业方面提供协助欤？“异邦人闻言，衷心表示谢意， 却依然保持适当之距离。答曰：彼乃为霍恩产院一名女病友而来。 不幸伊属难产（言至此，深叹一声），欲知是否已安然分娩。 迪克森先生嘲笑穆利根先生之初期腹部肥大症以转换气氛，曰： “此乃前列腺囊内部或男性子宫内部卵子怀胎之征兆乎？抑或如名医奥斯汀·梅尔顿[ 161] 先生所云，乃胃中之狼 所致乎？“穆利根先生从腰部发出一阵哄笑作答，毅然拍打横隔膜下部，并很精采且滑稽地模仿葛罗甘老婆婆（惜伊系一妓女，但仍不失为最杰出之女性），同时扬言：“妾腹从未养过私孩子也。“彼演技高超奇巧，哄笑屡屡爆发，使满室无不振奋喜悦。 倘非前厅发出警报声，此场轻快喧嚣之摹拟闹剧仍将续演。
闻者非他人，乃一苏格兰学生也。此公性易激动，金发宛如亚麻，以无比热烈之语气向该年轻绅士深表祝贺。绅士谈兴正浓时，彼予以打断， 以谦恭之神态向对面所坐人士招手，恳请递与一瓶甘露酒。同时，将头一歪，似有所迟疑（即使整整一世纪之良好教养，亦未必能训练出如此优雅之举止）。然后将瓶子朝相反方向倾之，以清楚之口齿询问该讲述者：“饮一杯如何，““拜受， 贵客，“彼欣然曰，“万谢， 。此举正合时宜。有此杯酒，吾之幸福方能完满。然而，上天保佑，即使吾行囊中仅有些许饼屑，以及一杯井水，吾亦深感满足，并甘愿跪于地下，为万宝之赐与者所确保之幸福，向上苍之神力致谢。“言讫，彼将杯凑至唇边，以心满意足之神态，饮甘露酒少许，抚发袒胸，拽出丝带所系之小匣。匣内嵌有女友亲笔题字之相片。彼接后，甚为珍爱。彼含情脉脉审视该面影，并曰：“噫，先生，倘汝若吾然，于激动人心之刹那间，目睹伊人身着雅致披肩，头戴俏丽新软帽[ 168] （伊以悦耳声调，告以此乃生日礼物也），淳朴洒脱， 温存妖冶；足下必慨然向之五体投地，或永远逃离战场。吾断言，此生从未如此动心。 主啊，感谢尔为吾创造日日夜夜。备受该倩女青睐者，诚为三生有幸。“无限温存之叹息愈益使此番话语感人至深。彼将小匣揣入怀中，并再度拭泪叹息。“大慈大悲之天主，尔所创造之物，普获尔之祝福。尔之治下最美妙者乃人之恋情也。恋情如此深广伟大，足以使自由人与奴隶，蠢乡巴佬与文雅纨袴子弟，风华正茂、热情奔放之情人与中年丈夫，均顿然堕入五里雾中。然而先生，吾走题矣。吾曹现世之欢乐是何等杂以悲哀，何等不完美。命运不济！“彼痛苦呼叫曰，“倘若主上赋吾以先见之明，提醒吾携带雨衣，当不至此！“遂不禁落泪。“纵下七场骤雨，对吾曹亦毫无害处。吾过于大意矣！“彼手击前额，大声曰，“明日将迎来新的一天，雷鸣千遍。吾识一‘外衣’商人 波因茨先生，可售与法式舒适‘外衣’，每件一里弗尔 ，确保不致湿及女方。““呔呔！“授精业者 大声插嘴曰，“吾友穆尔 先生乃一非凡之旅人（适才吾与彼 曾共饮酒半瓶，座中有市内博学之士），彼据可靠消息告知，霍恩岬角，雨势猛烈 ，致使所有‘外衣’（无论何等结实），均已湿透。彼曰，诚然 ，大雨倾盆，罹难者无一不当即匆匆告别人世。““呸！一里弗尔 ！“林奇先生大声曰，“货色粗陋至此，不值一苏“耳。‘伞’之大小纵然仅及仙女蘑菇 ，然亦顶得过十件如此‘搪孔之物’。任何稍有机智之女子，决不会用此等‘外衣’。 吾之情妇基蒂今日相告，伊情愿舞于洪水中，亦不愿在救命方舟中挨饿。何耶？伊对予倾诉云（此时，尽管除翩翩起舞之蝴蝶，绝无偷听者，伊依然脸色红涨，附耳低语）：‘吾曹生就无垢之肌肤，换个情况必将导致破坏礼仪，然而在二种场合下 ，会成为唯一之可身衣裳。蒙自然女神赐与神圣祝福后，吾曹心中铭刻该语之意， 而今已家喻户晓。吾搀扶该姣好哲学家坐上双轮马车后，伊用舌尖轻触吾外耳廓以引起吾之注意，告曰：‘头一种场合，乃是入浴……，“彼时， 前厅铃响，今番足以丰富吾曹知识宝库之议论遂被打断矣。
正当举座说笑寻欢作乐之际，铃声大作，众人遂纷纷猜测。须臾，卡伦小姐步入，对青年迪克森先生蹑嚅数言讫，向与座者深打一躬，然后退去。一贤淑端庄、容貌标致之淑女一时出现于荡子群中，彼等淫荡之徒便即刻收敛其轻佻猥亵。然而俟伊退出后，秽言秽语刹那间重新爆发。“吾甚觉荒唐矣，“酩酊大醉之痞子科斯特洛曰，“极美味之母牛肉！伊想必邀汝幽会。狗杂种作如何想？汝精于此道矣。““确然如此，“林奇先生曰，“圣母济贫院同人擅长床上技巧。孽种奥加格大夫不曾搔诸护士下颚欤？七个月以来，吾基蒂在该院病房任护士，此系伊所告，当属确凿。““大夫，祈天主可怜奴家！“身着淡黄色背心之后生 仿妇人腔调狂呼傻笑，并扭动身躯作淫荡态曰：“汝勿戏弄奴家！讨厌鬼！呜呼，妾浑身颤悠发晕矣。汝之轻薄，确与可爱之小神父坎特基塞姆 不相上下！““倘若伊未身怀六甲，“卡斯特洛大叫曰，“吾将被此啤酒呛得半死矣！大凡由于有喜而膨胀之妇女，吾只消瞟一眼即可看出。“此时青年外科医生 起身，乞求众人准其退席，盖护士顷通知彼需立即赶赴病房也。彼曰：“该怀孕妇女曾以可钦之刚毅忍受阵痛，而上苍大发慈悲，已结束其苦难，使之生下一名强壮男婴。吾无法容忍某些人士。彼等既无足以使人开心之机智又乏指导他人之学识，竟对护士这一高贵天职肆意辱骂，而除却应予以敬畏之神明外，护士乃最造福人间者。伊所从事之高尚职业，非但不应成为笑柄，且可激励人心，使之向上。吾敢断言，倘有必要，吾能推出多如云彩之证人，以阐述该项职业如何不比寻常。吾实难宽恕彼等。何以竟中伤和蔼可亲之卡伦小姐这等人！伊乃女性之光辉，实令男性叹服不已。护士所接生者乃用尘土造出之 小娃，当此最关键之时刻加以诽谤，该念头实属可恶至极！竟播下如此邪恶之种籽，以致产妇与接生婆在霍恩产院得不到应有之尊重。每念及民族之未来，辄不寒而栗。“谴责完毕，彼乃向与座众人点头示意，走向门外。举座发出一片赞同之低语声，有人扬言应立即将该下流醉汉逐之门外。此计划几近付诸实践，将给彼以应有之惩罚。然而彼可鄙地赌咒发誓（而且发得八面玲珑），谓彼乃天下最善良之人子也，从而减轻其罪责。“谨以吾之生命发誓，“彼曰，“诚实的弗兰克·科斯特洛自幼被教以格外孝敬父母。 家母擅长做果酱布丁卷与麦片糊，吾一向对她怀有敬爱之心。“
却说布卢姆先生乍一进来，留意到那片肆无忌惮之冷嘲热讽，认为此系年少通常不懂怜悯所致，故容忍之。彼等荡儿实似狂妄自大之顽童，喜议论喧嚣，用语费解，且口出不逊。每闻其暴躁与寡廉鲜耻之话语 ，顿感愤慨。虽能以血气方刚勉强为之开脱，但如此无礼实难以忍受。尤使人不快者为科斯特洛先生言词之粗野。据观察，此令人作呕之流氓乃私生子耳。彼呱呱坠地即畸形缺耳，身躯伛偻，满口生牙。分娩时属逆产，足先露，且驼背[ 188］。外科医用钳子在彼头盖上留下了明显痕迹。布卢姆遂联想到，彼即已故富于独创性之达尔文先生毕生探求不已之进化论中所谈之过渡生物 也。布卢姆已过人生之半途 ，历尽沧桑，系一谨慎民族之后裔，生就稀有的先见之明，遂抑制心中所冒怒气，最迅速慎重地克制住感情，告诫自己胸中要怀一“忍“字。心地卑鄙者对此加以嘲笑，性急之判断者藐视之，然而众人咸认为此乃稳妥之举。妙语连珠以损害女性之优雅，乃精神上一大恶习，彼坚不赞成；彼不认为此种人堪称才子，更弗言继承良好教养之传统。布卢姆对彼等实忍无可忍，根据往日经验，只得采取激烈之手段，以迫使此傲慢之徒丢尽颜面，及时退却。盖年轻气盛之徒，向来无视年老昏愦者之皱眉与道学家之抱怨，一味欲食（据圣书著者凭借纯洁想象所写）树上禁果；布卢姆与彼等未尝不抱有同感。惟当一淑女分娩产子之际，无论如何亦不得对人性等闲视之。最后，据护士所云，布卢姆曾预料产妇迅将分娩，经此长时间之阵痛后，果然瓜熟蒂落，此事再度证明天主之恩惠与慈悲，使布卢姆顿感释然。
布卢姆遂与领座坦诚相见，曰：“吾对此事之看法（不妨将己见发表）为：彼妇并非由于本人之过错而受尽痛苦，闻其安产而不知喜悦者，想必生性淡漠或心肠冷酷也。“该衣着入时之浮华青年 曰：“使伊陷入如此困境者，其夫也；理应是其夫，除非伊乃另一名以弗所女子 。“此时，克罗瑟斯击桌以使众人倾听其嗓音洪亮之话语：“吾有话告汝等。蓄邓德利尔里式胡子 之老叟——年迈之格洛里·阿列路朱拉姆 今日又来矣。彼用鼻音央告曰：‘吾欲对吾之生命（此即彼对伊之称呼）威廉明娜进一言。’吾嘱彼心中宜有数，盖婴儿即将呱呱坠地矣。见鬼！容吾坦率道来。吾不禁叹服该老汉之生殖力，竟足以令伊再生一胎。“众人异口同声赞誉老叟，惟独该风流后生坚持己见曰：“否。把关者’非其夫也，乃修道院之教士、夜间向导（有勇气者）或家庭用品之行商。“客人闻讫，暗自思量：“彼等具有之神奇的轮回力实无与伦比，不同凡响。产院与解剖室均已变为轻佻话语之操练厅。然而一旦获得学位，彼等轻浮荡子摇身一变即成为被杰出人士誉为最高尚技艺之典范实践者。然而，“彼继续思索，“或许彼等平时个个心中郁愤，欲寻解脱。因吾曾屡次目睹同一色羽毛之鸟齐声大笑也。“
彼异邦人系承蒙仁慈之陛下核准而取得市民权，然而吾曹欲询问彼之保护者总督阁下，彼凭何资格而取得我国内政之最高权力欤？ 发自满腔忠诚之感激，如今安在哉？在近日之战争 中，只要敌人凭借手榴弹暂时取得优势，该叛徒即一面惟恐其四分利公债暴跌而浑身颤抖，一面则抓紧机会向根据其本人意愿而臣服之帝国开火！彼是否已忘却此事，一如忘却其所承受之一切恩泽？倘传闻无谬，彼则为只顾个人享乐之利己主义者，诚属欺世盗名。闯入贞节妇女（一名勇敢少校之女）之寝室，或对其妇德妄加谴责，此决非君子所为。若彼欲引人注意（其实，此举对彼甚为不利），亦无可奈何也。该妇命途多舛，其合法特权屡遭践踏，时间既久，对方态度复顽强，致使伊每闻彼之斥责，辄报以由绝望而导致之嘲笑。彼身为社会风纪监察官，虔诚严若鹈鹕，竟将自然之羁绊抛诸脑后，肆无忌惮，试图与出身于社会最下层之女仆发生暖味关系！倘非该女仆以擦地所用之毛刷为护守天神，进行自卫，则必身遭不幸，有如埃及女夏甲然！关于牧场问题，彼之乖戾粗暴已臭名远扬。某次，当着卡夫先生之面，触怒一牧场主，以致遭到该乡人以刻薄言词之反击。彼不适宜宣扬福音。家旁岂不有片耕地，只因无人播种，遂闲置下来。青春期之恶习，人届中年遂成为第二天性，带来耻辱。倘若彼一定要将基列香油[ 202] 这一效验可疑之秘方与“金科玉律“，分发给一代乳臭未干之荡子，以促使彼等康复，则应使彼之行为与正全力奉行之教义相一致。身为丈夫，彼之内心乃诸多秘密之贮藏库。为了体面，而轻易不肯泄露，色衰之美女或以淫言猥语挑逗之，代替因被冷遇以致堕落之妻，给彼以慰藉。然而人伦之新倡导者以及恶行之矫正者，充腴量仅为异邦之树。其扎根于东方本上时，则茁壮繁茂，香脂丰腴，造移植于他处暖土，根即失去原有之勃勃生气，香脂亦变为混浊发酸，失去灵效。
嗣子诞生消息之通告极其慎重，令人联想及土耳其朝廷仪式之惯例：由第二女护士转告值勤之下级医务官，彼再向代表团传达。彼遂赴产室，以便在内务大臣与枢密顾问官（彼等由于争先称赞已精疲力竭，沉默不语）亲临下，协助完成规定之产后仪式。漫长肃穆之值勤使代表团焦躁不安。彼等认为既逢喜事，放纵一番亦应获得宽容。于是，护士与医务官走后，立即展开舌战。只闻兜揽员布卢姆先生竭力劝解之，平息之，抑制之，均属徒然。此乃最适宜高谈阔论之良机，亦为将彼等性格迥异者联结起来之唯一纽带。分娩问题依次从各个方面加以剖析：异父兄弟之间先天的敌对，剖腹产，遗腹子，以及稀有的例子：产妇死后之分娩。蔡尔兹谋杀胞兄案，由于律师布希先生之激烈辩护，被诬告者已被宣判无罪。此事至今仍被人们广为铭记在心；长子继承权，国王赐予双胞胎与三胞胎赏金；流产及溺婴，加以伪装或掩饰；缺乏心脏的胎儿内胎儿以及充血导致的缺脸。某缺下巴中国佬（候补者穆利根先生语） 之男系亲属，先天性缺颚乃系沿中线颚骨突起接合不全之结果，（据彼曰）一只耳朵能听见另一只所云。麻醉或昏睡分娩法之长处。高年妊娠的情况下，因受血管压迫，阵痛延长。早期破水（眼下即一实例）导致的子宫败血症之危险。用注射器进行人工受精。闭经后之子宫收缩。因被强奸而妊娠的情况下，人种之延续问题。勃兰登堡人称之为坠生 的可怕分娩。医学记载中之月经期间怀孕或近亲结婚导致之一产多胎、阴阳儿、畸形儿等。一言以蔽之，亚理斯多德在其《杰作》 中附上彩色石印插图加以分类的人类出生之各种情形。对产科学与法医学上至关重要之问题，以及关于妊娠最普遍的信念（诸如惟恐母体之活动将导致脐带勒死胎儿，遂禁止孕妇迈田舍栅栏；或强烈情欲得不到有效满足时，辄将手放诸身上由于经年使用而作为惩戒场所 被神圣化之部位），均予以热烈研讨。有人断言，兔唇、胸痣、冗指、黑痣、赤痣、紫痣等畸形，均足以对时而诞生之猪头儿（人们并没有淡忘格莉塞尔·斯蒂文斯夫人 的例子）或狗毛婴儿做出确凿 而自然之说明。喀里多尼亚[ 212] 使节所提出之原生质记忆假定，无愧于彼所代表的具有形而上学传统 之国土。预见到此等例子乃胎儿发育达到人类这一阶段前被抑制之表征。某异国使节则驳斥上述意见，以热切而坚信不疑之口吻曰：“此乃女子与雄兽交媾所生者。“其根据则为优雅拉丁诗人凭其才华在《变形记》中所传至今之弥诺陶洛斯之类神话。[214 ]彼之话语立即引起轰动，然而为时短暂。因候补者穆利根先生比任何人均了解开玩笑所能引起之效果，乃面谕曰；“如要发泄淫欲，宜寻一干净可爱之老臾。“遂使方才那番感动顿然消失。同时，使节马登先生与候补者林奇先生之间就连体双胞胎 中之一名先逝世之际，在法学及神学上之矛盾，展开激烈争论。经双方同意，将此难题委托兜揽员布卢姆先生立即交由副主祭助手迪达勒斯先生处理。不知彼是否欲以超自然之庄重，显示其衣着之奇妙威严，抑或服从內心之声音，迄今保持缄默。此刻亦仅简短地（有人认为敷衍塞责地）陈述《福音书》之教导曰：“天主所配合的，人不可拆开。“
然而玛拉基之故事则使彼等不寒而栗。彼一念咒，如下情景即出现在彼等面前：壁炉旁的暗门吱呀一声开启，海恩斯从中出现！我等无不毛骨惊然！彼一手持装满凯尔特文学之公事包，另一只手则持写有“毒品“字样之小瓶。当彼面泛鬼笑扫视众人时，个个脸上露出惊讶、恐怖、厌恶之神色。“如此之接待原在吾预料之中，“彼遂发出阴森之笑声并谓：“看来这要怪历史。[ 217] 吾乃杀害塞缨尔·蔡尔兹之凶手，千真万确。吾已遭到何等惩罚！吾对地狱毫无畏惧。可惧者幽灵附体也。耶稣之眼泪伤口！究竟如何吾方能得到安息乎？“彼嗓音模糊，“吾携自己所整理之民谣，在都柏林长期流浪，而幽灵宛如淫梦魔 或牛魔般跟踪不止。吾之地狱以及爱尔兰之地狱，皆在现世。为了忘却所犯罪恶，吾曾多方设法：消愁解闷，射击白嘴鸦，学习埃尔斯语 （遂诵数句），服鸦片酊（彼将小瓶举至唇边），扎营露宿。一切均归徒然！彼之亡灵与吾形影不离。吞服鸦片乃吾唯一希望……呜呼！毁灭矣！黑豹！“彼大叫一声，须臾间消失矣，暗门滑动着，闭紧。少顷，彼在对面门口露头，曰：“十一时十分，到韦斯特兰横街车站 与吾碰头。“彼去矣。众放荡之徒涕泅滂沱。占卜者 举手向天，嗫懦曰：“马南南之报复[ 224] ！“哲人反复曰：“同态复仇法。伤感主义者乃只顾享受而对所做之事不深觉歉疚之人。 “玛拉基激动之至，闭口不言。谜底遂揭开矣。海恩斯为三弟 ，真名蔡尔兹，黑豹为彼父之鬼魂也。彼吞服鸦片，以忘却此事，使予得到解脱，不胜感谢。 坟场旁之房屋无人居住。谁都不肯居于彼处。蜘蛛在孤寂中张网。夜鼠自洞穴中窥伺。该屋受咒诅。闹鬼。为一座凶宅。[ 228]
人之灵魂，寿命有多长？灵魂禀有变色龙之特性，每接近一样新物即改变颜色，与欢乐者接近即愉快，与悲哀者相处则沮丧，年龄亦随情绪而改变。利奥波德坐在那里，反刍并咀嚼往事之回忆时，彼已不再是沉着踏实之广告经纪人，亦非一小笔公债之所有者。念载光阴顿然消失，彼已成为少年利奥波德矣。仿佛是通过回顾性之安排，镜中镜（刹那间）照出本人。彼目睹自家当年之英姿，早熟而老气横秋，于刺骨寒晨，将书包（内装有母亲精心制作之美味大面包）当作子弹带般挎着，从克兰布拉西尔街之老宅踱向高中。一两年后，同一身姿初戴硬毡帽（啊，何等神气！）已开始跑外勤。彼乃家族公司之正式推销员，备有订货簿，洒了香水的手帕（不仅是为了充当样品），皮箱里装满锃亮之小装饰品。（噫！可惜均属于往昔岁月！）彼到处对犹豫不决而用指尖掐算之主妇或妙龄女郎，满脸掬以殷勤温顺之笑容。后者对彼佯装出之礼仪[ 229] ，亦羞涩地点头会意。（然而其内心如何，则天晓得矣！）香水气息，微笑，尤其乌黑眸子及圆滑周到之谈吐应对，使彼于傍晚为公司老板携回大量订货单。老板做完同样工作，口衔雅各烟斗 ，坐在祖传的炉边（上面必煮着面条），透过角质圆框眼镜，阅读一个月前之欧洲大陆报纸。然而，刹那间镜面模糊了，少年游侠骑士后退，干瘪，缩成雾中极细微之一点。而今自己做了父亲，周围兴许是儿辈。谁知晓欤！聪明的父亲方知自己之子。 彼思及哈奇街关栈附近蒙蒙细雨之夜。彼与伊在一道（可怜，伊无家可归，系私生女，只付一先令与一便士吉利钱，便属于汝，属于吾，属于众人），当两名夜警头戴雨帽之阴影路过新修建的皇家大学时，彼等一道倾听其沉重脚步声。布赖迪！布赖迪·凯利！ 彼决不会忘记此名，将永远铭记该夜：初夜，新婚之夜。彼等（求者与被求者）于黑暗之底层缠扭在一起。转瞬之间。（要有！）光就浴满世界。 心与心可曾悸动在一起！否，敬爱的读者，一霎时事即毕，然而——“且慢，撒开！不许如此！“可怜的姑娘摸着黑，逃之夭夭。伊乃黑暗之新娘，夜之新娘。伊不敢生下白昼那金太阳之子。不，利奥波德。名字与记忆无从给汝慰藉。青年时期汝对精力所抱幻想，已被剥夺——一切归于徒然。汝之腰力已生不出子嗣，无能为力矣。鲁道夫生利奥波德，而今利奥波德却不再能有子嗣矣。
众声纷杂，融人阴暗之寂静中。寂静乃无限之空间也。灵魂迅疾而沉默地飘浮于世世代代生息不已之空间。灰色薄暮弥漫于此，却从不落到暗绿色之辽阔牧场上。仅降下苍茫暮色，抛撒星宿的永恒之露。伊步履蹒跚，跟随乃母，犹如由母马带引之小母马驹。伊等乃一片朦胧中之幻影，然而婀娜多姿，腰肢纤细优美，脖颈柔和矫健，面容温顺，头脑聪慧。阴郁之幻象逐渐模糊，以至消失殆尽。阿根达斯乃荒原也，向为仑枭与半盲戴胜鸟栖息之所。鼎盛之内泰穆 已不复存在。彼等群兽亡灵发出反叛之雷鸣，沿着云彩大道拥来。呼！哈喀！呼！视差[ 237] 从背后阔步逼向彼等，用刺棒戳之，射自其眉眼之光锐利如蝎。大角鹿与牦牛，巴珊与巴比伦之公牛，猛犸象与柱牙象，均成群结队涌向下陷之海——死海 。那一大群黄道十二宫不祥而伺机报复之兽类！彼等呻吟，越云而来，犄角或长或短，有长鼻者，撩牙者，或鬃毛若狮，或有多叉巨角，用鼻拱者，爬行者，啮齿动物，反刍动物，厚皮动物，彼等大群地移动，吼叫。太阳之屠杀者。[ 240]
彼等踏着大地朝死海挺进，以便贪婪而不知餍足地狂饮那沉滞呆倦、永不枯涸之咸湖水。此刻，马状怪物于寂寥之空中复长大矣，大得犹如天空本身，漫无边际，朦朦胧胧出现于室女座之上端。看哪，轮回之奇迹，伊乃永恒之新娘，晨星之信使，新娘——永恒之处女。伊乃玛尔塔，“失去了的你“，年轻，可爱、光艳照人之米莉森特 。稍早于黎明前之最后时刻，伊足登灿烂之金色凉鞋， 身披汝所称之薄纱巾。伊乃昂星团女王，此刻正冉冉升起，何等安详。面纱在伊那星宿所生之肌肤周围飘扬，融为鲜绿、天蓝、紫红与淡紫色，任凭穿过星际刮来之阵阵冷风摆布，翻腾、卷曲，回旋，在天空中婉蜒移动，写出神秘字迹。其表象经过轮回之千变万化，成为金牛座额上之一颗红宝石，三角形标记阿尔法，熠熠发光。
弗朗西朗斯正在提醒斯蒂芬，多年前康米神父任校长时，他们二人曾同过学的事。他问起格劳康、亚西比德和皮西斯特拉图斯 。“他们如今在哪儿？“两个人都不晓得。“你所谈的是过去和它的幽灵，“斯蒂芬说，“何必去想那些呢？要是我隔着忘川把它们唤回到现世来，那些可怜的幽灵会不会应声而至呢？有谁知道呢？我，斯蒂芬的公牛精神，阉牛之友派‘大诗人’乃是它们的主人，又是赋与它们生命的人。“他把葡萄叶编成的冠戴在蓬乱的头发上，并朝文森特微笑着。“当你能够凭着远比两三首轻飘飘的诗更为伟大的作品向你天才的父亲呼唤时，“文森特对他说，“这句答复和那些叶子就能成为更适合于你的装饰了。凡是为你着想的人，都盼望这样。大家都已不得你完成你所构思的这部作品，并称赞你是戴花冠者 。我衷心祝愿你不要让他们失望。““哦，不，文森特，“利内翰把一只手放在挨近他的文森特的肩膀上说，“不用担心。他才不会让他母亲做孤儿呢。“那个年轻人的脸色阴郁了。大家都看得出，在他来说，被人提醒对前途的指望和新近丧母一事是何等难以忍受。倘非喧嚣声减轻了痛苦，他会退出宴席的。马登只因为一时看上了骑手的名字，便心血来潮地把赌注下在“权杖“ 身上，结果输了五德拉克马 。利内翰的损失也那么大。他对大家讲述赛马情况。旗子往下一挥，唿啦！母马驮着奥马登，一个箭步蹿出去，精神饱满地奔跑起来，它领先。每一颗心都怦怦悸动。连菲莉斯 都克制不住自己了。她挥舞头巾喊着：“好哇！‘权杖’赢啦！“然而在快要到终点的直线跑道上，“丢掉“迫近、拉平并超过了它。全都完啦。菲莉斯一声不响：她的两眼像是悲哀的银莲花。“朱诺，“她大声说，“我输定啦。“然而她的情侣安慰她，给她带来一只闪亮的小金匣，里面装着几块椭圆形小糖果。她吃了。她落了泪，仅只一滴。“W. 莱恩可是个顶出色的骑手，“利内翰说，“昨天赢了四场，今天三场。哪里有比得上他的骑手呢？骆驼也罢，狂暴的野牛也罢，他都骑得稳稳当当。可是咱们也像古人那样忍耐吧。对不走运者发发慈悲吧！可怜的‘权杖’！“说到这里，他轻轻叹了口气，“它再也不是从前那匹精神抖擞的小母马啦。我敢发誓，咱们永远再也看不到那样一匹马了。老兄，我对天主发誓，它是马中女王，你还记得它吗，文森特？““我倒是巴不得你今天能见到我的女王哩，“文森特说，“她有多么年轻，容光焕发（拉拉吉 跟她站在一起也会黯然失色），穿着淡黄色的鞋和好像是平纹细布做的连衣裙。遮蔽我们的栗子树花儿正盛开。诱人的花香与飘浮在我们周围的花粉使空气浓郁得往下垂。在浴满阳光的小块儿地面的石头上，似乎毫不费力地就能烤出一炉科林斯水果馅小圆面包——就是佩利普里波米涅斯[ 261 ] 在桥头摆摊卖的那种。然而，除了我那只搂住她的胳膊，她没得可咬的。于是，每逢我搂紧了，她就顽皮地咬我一口。一星期前她卧病四天，然而今天她神态自在，快快活活，还拿病危开着玩笑。这当儿，她就更富于魅力了。还有她那花束！她可真是个疯疯颠颠的野丫头。我们相互偎倚着的时候，她采够了花。这话只能悄悄地告诉你，我的朋友。我们离开田野的时候，你简直想不到我们竟碰见了谁。不是别人，正是康米呀！ 他沿着篱笆踱来，正在读着什么，好像是《圣教日课》。我相信他当作书签夹在里面的准是葛莉色拉或奇洛伊 写来的一封俏皮的信。我那甜姐儿狼狈得飞红了脸，假装整理稍微弄乱了的衣裳。矮树丛的一截小树枝巴在上面了，因为连树棵子都爱慕她。当康米走过去后，她就用随身携带的小镜子照自己的芳容。然而他挺慈祥，走过去的时候，还祝福了我们呢。““神明也从来都是仁慈的，“利内翰说，“虽然我在已思那匹母马身上吃了亏，也许他这酒 倒更合胃口哩。“他把手放在酒瓶上。玛拉基瞅见了，就制止他这一动作，并指了指那个异邦人和鲜红色商标。“小心点儿，“玛拉基悄悄他说，“像德鲁伊特 那样保持沉默吧。他的灵魂飘到远处去了。从幻梦中醒过来，也许跟出生同样痛苦。任何东西，只要认真逼视，兴许都可以进入诸神不朽的永恒世界之门。你不这么认为吗，斯蒂芬？““西奥索弗斯 对我这么说过，“斯蒂芬说，“在前世，埃及司祭曾向他传授过因果报应法则的奥秘。西奥索弗斯对我说，月亮上的君主乃是太阳系游星阿尔法用船送来的桔黄色火焰。不凭灵气来再现自己，以第二星座之红玉色的自我为化身。“
开头最好先说明一下：斯·迪达勒斯先生（神性怀疑论者 ）的议论似乎证明他所沉溺并被歪曲的先验论，与一般人所接受的科学方法是截然相反的。重复多少遍也不为过分的是：科学乃处理有实质的现象的。科学家正如一般人一样，必须面对硬邦邦的现实，不容躲闪，并须做出详尽的说明。目前确实可能还有一些科学所不能解答的问题，例如利·布卢姆先生（广告经纪人）所提的头一个问题：即将诞生者的性别是如何决定的。我们究竟应该接受特利纳克利亚的恩培多克勒的说法，即认为男子的诞生决定于右卵巢（另外一些人则主张是在月经后的时期），还是应该认为被放置过久的精子或精虫乃是决定性别的重要因素？抑或像众多胚胎学家（卡尔佩珀、斯帕兰札尼 、布鲁门巴赫、勒斯克、赫特维希 、利奥波德和瓦伦丁 ）所设想的那样，是二者的混合物呢？这个论点也许意味着：一方面是精虫的生殖本能 ，另一方面是被动因素那巧妙地选择的体位——即卧在下面受胎 之间的协力（大自然喜用的方法之一）。同一位问讯者所提出的另一问题，其重要性不亚于此：婴儿死亡率。这个问题很有意思，因为他中肯恰当地提出：尽管我们诞生的方式相同，死法却各异。玛·穆利根先生（卫生学兼优生学博士）谴责本地的卫生状态道，我们这些肺部发灰的市民吸进了飘浮在尘埃中的细菌，以致患上腺样增殖症和肺结核等症。他声称，民族素质的衰退应统统归咎于这些因素以及我们街头上那些令人厌恶的景象：触目惊心的海报，各种支派的教士，陆海军的残废军人，风里雨里赶马车的坏血症患者，悬吊着的兽骸，患偏执狂的单身汉以及不能生育的护理妇。他预言审美学 将普遍地为人们所接受，生活中所有的优美事物，纯正的好音乐，令人赏心悦目的文学，轻松愉快的哲学，饶有教育意义的绘画，维纳斯与阿波罗等古典雕刻的石膏复制像，优良婴儿的艺术彩照——只要在这些方面略加注意，就能使孕妇在无比愉快中度过分娩前的那几个月。J．克罗瑟斯先生（议论学学士） 将婴儿夭折的一部分原因归咎于女工在工厂内从事重劳动引起的腹腔部外伤，以及婚后夫妻生活中的节制问题，但绝大多数还是由于在公私两方面的疏忽。这种疏忽达到极点，便会造成遗弃新生婴儿、堕胎犯罪或残忍的杀婴罪。尽管前者（我们指的是疏忽）毫无疑问是确凿的，但他所举的那个关于护士忘记点清填入腹腔的海绵数目之事例，太不经见了，不足为训。其实，当我们仔细调查这个问题时就会发现，尽管有上述种种人为的缺陷，往往妨碍大自然的意图，但是妊娠与分娩却依然在大量地顺利地进行着，诚然令人惊奇。文·林奇先生（算术学士）提出了富于独创性的建议：出生与死亡，与所有其他进化现象（潮汐的涨落、月亮的盈亏、体温的高低、一般疾病）一样。总而言之，大自然之巨大作坊中的万物，远方一颗恒星之消失乃至点缀公园的无数鲜花之绽开，均应受计数法则的支配，而这一法则迄今尚未确定下来。但是这里也有个简单而直截了当的问题：为什么一对正常、健康的父母所生下的看上去健康并得到适当照顾的娃娃，竟会莫名其妙地夭折，而同一婚姻中所生的其他孩子并不这样呢？用诗人的话来说，这确实不能不使我们踌躇顾虑。 我们确信，大自然不论做什么，都自有充分而中肯的理由。这样的死亡很可能是某种预测的法则所导致的。据此法则，病原菌所栖息的生物（现代科学毫无争论余地地显示：只有原生质的实体可以是不朽的）越是在发育初期，死亡率越高。这种安排纵然给我们的某种感情（尤其是母性）以痛苦，然而有些人认为从长远来看是有益于一般人类的，因为它保证了适者生存。斯·迪达勒斯先生（神学怀疑论者）发表意见（或者应该说是插话）道，患黄疽症的政治家和害萎黄病的尼姑自不用说，由于分娩而衰弱的女癌症患者和从事专门职业的胖绅士总是咀嚼形形色色的食品，下咽，消化，并以绝对的沉着使其经过通常的导管。当这些杂食动物吃小牛息肉这样好消化的食品时，大概会减轻肠胃的负担吧。这番话从极其不利的角度无比透彻地揭示了上述倾向。这位有着病态精神的审美学兼胚胎哲学家，尽管连酸与碱都分不清，在科学知识上却摆出一副傲慢自负的架子。为了启发那些对市立屠宰场的细节没他那么熟悉的人们，也许应该在此说明一下：我们那些拥有卖酒执照的低级饮食店的俚语小牛崽肉，指的就是打着趔趄的牛崽子那可供烹调食用的肉。在霍利斯街第二十九、三十、三十一号国立妇产医院的公共食堂里，能干而有名望的院长安·霍恩博士（领有产科医生执照、曾为爱尔兰女王医学院成员）最近与利·布卢姆先生（广告经纪人）之间举行了一场公开辩论。据目击者说，该院长曾指出，一个女人一旦把猫放进口袋里（这大概是对大自然之最复杂而奇妙的作用——交媾的雅喻），她就非把它再送出去不可；或赐与它生命（用他的话来说），以便保全自己的命。他的论敌富于说服力地驳斥说：这可是冒着自己丧失生命的危险！尽管说话的语调温和而有分寸，仍然击中了要害。
这当儿，医生的本领与耐心导致了一次可喜的分娩 。不论对产妇还是医生来说，那都是令人厌倦、疲劳的一段时间。凡是外科技术所能做的，都做到了。这位产妇也极为勇敢，她用坚韧不拔的精神加以配合。她确实这么做了。打了一场漂亮仗 ，而今她非常、非常快乐。那些过来人，比她先经历过这一过程的，也高高兴兴地面带微笑俯视着这一动人情景。她们虔诚地望着她。她目含母性之光，横卧在那里，对全人类的丈夫——天主，默诵感谢经。新的母性之花初放，殷切地渴望摸到婴儿的指头（多么可爱的情景）。当她用那双无限柔情的眼睛望着婴儿时，她只盼望着再有一种福气：让她亲爱的大肥 在她身边分享她的快乐，把天主的这一小片尘土[ 284] ——他们的合法拥抱之果实，放在他怀抱里。而今他上了些岁数（这是你我之间的悄悄话），双肩稍见弯屈。但是随着岁月的流逝，厄尔斯特银行学院草地分行的这位认真负责的副会计师已具有了一种庄重的威严。“哦，大肥，往昔的恋人，如今的忠实生活伴侣，遥远的过去那玫瑰花一般的岁月再也不会回来了！“她像从前那样摇摇俊美的头，回顾着那些日子。天哪！而今透过岁月之雾望去，那是何等美丽呀！在她的想像中，他们——他和她——的孩子们聚拢在床畔：查理、玛丽·艾丽斯、弗雷德里克·艾伯特（倘若他不曾夭折）、玛米、布吉（维多利亚·弗朗西丝）、汤姆、维奥莱特·康斯但斯·路易莎、亲爱的小鲍勃西（是根据南非战争中我们的著名英雄——沃特福德与坎大哈的鲍勃斯勋爵 而命名的）。现在又生下了他们二人结合的最后的象征，一个地地道道的普里福伊，长着真正的普里福伊家的鼻子。这个前途无量的婴儿，将以普里福伊先生那个在都柏林堡财务厅工作的有声望的远房堂弟莫蒂默·爱德华而命名。光阴茬苒。然而时间老爹轻而易举地就把事情了结啦。不，亲爱的、温柔的米娜，不要从你胸中叹气。还有大肥，把你烟斗里的灰磕打掉吧。通知熄灯的晚钟已敲（但愿那是遥远的未来的事！），你却还在摆弄着使惯了的这只欧石南根烟斗。用以读《圣经》的灯也给熄灭了吧，因为油已剩得不多了，所以还是心情平稳地上床休息吧。天主无所不知，到时候就会来召唤你。你曾打了一场漂亮仗，忠实地履行了男人的职责。先生，请握住我的手。干得出色，你这善良而忠实的仆人！
异邦人继续望着自己眼前这个人脸上那故意做出的冷静神情慢慢地消失。出于习惯或乖巧心计的这种不自然的冷静似乎也包含在他的辛辣话语之中，好像在谴责说话人对人生粗野方面的不健康的偏爱 。听者的记忆里，宛若被一句朴实自然的话所唤醒了一般，浮现出一副光景。仿佛是往昔的岁月伴随着当前的种种喜悦真地存在于现实中似的（就像某些人所想的那样）。平静的五月傍晚那修剪过的草坪。他们对朗德镇[ 288] 或紫或白的丁香花丛记忆犹新。小球缓缓地沿着草地向前滚去，要么就相互碰撞，短暂机警地震颤一下，挨在一起停了下来。香气袭人的苗条淑女们兴致勃勃地观看着。那边，每逢灰色水池里的灌溉用水徐徐流淌，水面便起涟漪。水池周围，你可以瞥见同样香气袭人的姐妹们：弗洛伊、阿蒂、蒂尼以及她们那位身姿不知怎地分外引人注目的肤色稍黑的朋友——樱桃王后 。她一只耳朵上佩带着玲珑的樱桃耳坠子：冰凉火红的果实衬着异国情调的温暖肌肤，相得益彰。（正是开花时节。及至将滚球聚拢起来收进箱子，大家就围坐在温暖的炉边，其乐融融。）一名身穿亚麻羊毛混纺衣服的四五岁幼童正站在池边，姑娘们用爱怜的手围成一圈，保护着他。现在男童略微皱起眉来。也许他像这个青年似的过于意识到自身处境危险的快感，但是又只得不时地朝他母亲瞥上一眼。她正从面对花坛的游廊 守望着，喜悦之中却又含着一抹漠然或嗔怪之色（凡事都是无常的[ 292] ）。
“到伯克 去！“爵爷斯蒂芬喊罢，一个箭步向前蹿去。那群帮腔的也一起跟在后面：有血气方刚的，顽劣的，赖债的，庸医，还有一本正经的布卢姆。大家分别攥着帽子、梣木手杖、比尔博剑 、巴拿马帽和剑鞘、采尔马特登山杖 等等。这儿有各式各样的壮小伙子，一个个气宇轩昂的学生。卡伦护士在门厅里给吓了一跳，她拦也拦不住。正笑嘻嘻地走下楼梯的外科医生也阻止不了——他是来告诉大家胎盘已处置完毕，“足足有一磅重。他们催促着他。大门！敞着吗？好极啦！他们喧嚣地冲出去，雄赳赳地参加一分钟的赛跑，最终目的地乃是登齐尔和霍利斯这两条街交叉处的伯克。迪克森对他们说了些尖酸话语，并咒诅了一句，也跟了来。布卢姆想托护士给楼上那位欣喜的母亲和她的宝宝捎句问候，所以就在她身边停下脚步。最好的治疗就是营养和静养。她的脸色不是正表露出这一点吗？憔悴苍白，说明霍恩产院里那些日以继夜的护理多么辛苦。大家既然都已走光，他就仗着天生的智慧，临告辞时凑近她，悄悄他说：“太太，鹳鸟啥时候来找你呢？“[ 297]
户外的空气饱含着雨露的润湿，来自天上的生命之精髓，在星光闪烁的苍穹下，在都柏林之石上闪闪发光。天主的大气，全能的天父之大气，光芒四射的柔和的大气，深深地吸进去吧。老天在上，西奥多·普里福伊，你漂漂亮亮地做出一桩壮举！我敢起誓，在包罗万象最为庞杂的烦冗记录中，你是无比出众的繁殖者。真令人吃惊啊！她身上有着天主所赐予的、按照天主形象而造人的可能性， 你作为男子汉，不费吹灰之力便使她结了果实。跟她紧密结合吧！侍奉吧！操劳吧！完全像一只看门狗那样忠于职守，把学者和所有的马尔萨斯人口论者统统绞死吧。西奥多，你是他们所有人的老爹。在家里，你为肉铺的帐单；在帐房里，则为金锭银块（都不是你的！）辛辛苦苦操持，莫非不堪重负而意气消沉了吗？昂起头来！每新生一个娃娃，你便会收获一侯马 熟小麦。瞧，你的毛都湿透了。你羡慕达比·达尔曼和他的琼 吗？他们的子孙只是些鸣声凄惋的松鸡和烂眼儿的杂种狗。呸！告诉你。巴！他是一头骡子，一个死了的软体动物：既无精力，又无体力，连一枚有裂纹的克娄泽都不值。没有生殖的性交！不，我说！婴儿屠杀者希律才是他更真实的名字。真的，光吃蔬菜，夫妇同床可不怀孕！给她吃牛排吧：红殷殷，生的，带着血的！她是各种疾病盘踞的自发魔窟：瘰疬、流行性腮腺炎、扁桃体周脓肿、拇趾囊肿胀、枯草热、褥疮、金钱癣、浮游肾、甲状腺肿、瘊子、胆汁病、胆结石、冷血症和静脉瘤。诵悼歌，连续举行三十天的弥撒，《那利米哀歌》，以及所有这类哀悼的歌。一概谢绝吧！不要后悔那二十年的婚姻生活。你不同于许许多多曾经企盼、愿望、等待过而一直也不曾实现的。你瞧见了你的美国 ，你毕生的事业，像大洋彼岸的野牛那样，为了交配而猛冲过。琐罗亚斯德是怎么说的呢？你从悲哀这头母牛身上挤奶。现在你喝着它的乳房里那甜美的奶。[30 6]瞧！它为了你而充裕地流淌。喝吧，老兄，满满一乳房！母亲的乳汁，普里福伊，人类的乳汁 ，也是在上空化为稀薄的水蒸气，灼灼生辉，扩展开来的银河的乳汁，放荡者在酒店里咕嘟咕嘟狂饮的潘趣 奶，疯狂的乳汁，迦南乐土的奶与蜜 ，母牛的奶头挺坚硬，是吗？对，然而她的奶水又浓又甜，最能滋补。那是不会发硬、然而黏稠浓厚的酸凝乳。老族长，到她那儿去吧！奶头！凭着女神帕图拉和泊滕达，让我们干杯！
为了纵酒豪饮，大家相互挽着臂，沿街大喊大叫地冲去。真正的。[ 311] 昨晚你是在哪儿睡的？打扁了的碎嘴子蒂莫西 那儿。加油儿，快点儿。家里有雨伞或长统胶靴吗？给亨利·内维尔 瞧过病的穿旧衣的外科医生在哪儿？对不起，谁都不知道。喂，迪克斯！往前走到缎带柜台那儿。潘趣在哪儿？百事顺利。天哪，瞧瞧那个从产院走出来的醉醺醺的牧师！ 伏惟全能至仁天主圣父，及圣子……降福保全我众。 一个冤大头 ，先生。登齐尔巷的小伙子们[ 317] 。见鬼，活该！快去。对，以撒 ，把他们从明亮的地方赶走。亲爱的先生，你要跟我们一道去吗？一点儿也不碍事。你是个好人，咱们彼此不必见外。去吧，我的孩子们！ 第一炮手，开火。到伯克去！到伯克去！他们从那里挺进了五帕拉桑。 斯莱特里那骑马的步兵[ 321] 。该死的丑东西在哪儿？背弃教义的 斯蒂夫牧师！不，不，是穆利根！在后面哪！朝前推进。要盯着钟。打烊的时间。[ 323] 穆丽！你怎么啦？我妈叫我出嫁啦。 英国人的至福！擂鼓吧，咚咚，嘭嘭，[ 326] 赞成者占多数。由德鲁伊特德鲁姆印刷厂叫你喝啥？来杯超人 喝的世代相传的蜂蜜酒。我也照样。来五杯一号的。 你呢，先生？姜汁甜露酒。嘿，是车把式喝的蛋酒汁。刺激得浑身热腾腾的。给钟 上弦。突然停摆，再也不走了。当老…… 我要苦艾酒，知道了吗？哎呀！ 要一份蛋酒或加了调料的生蛋。几点钟啦？我的表进当铺啦。差十分。费心啦。不用客气。是胸部外伤吗，呃，迪克斯？千真万确。只要睡在他那小院儿里，随时都会挨蜜蜂螫的。家就住在圣母医院附近。这位仁兄有妻室。认识他太太吗？嗯，当然认识喽。她身材可丰腴哩。瞧瞧她脱掉衣服时的样子吧，那裸体真能饱人眼福。漂亮的母牛可跟你们那瘦母牛不一样，一点儿也不。拉下百叶窗，宝宝。 两杯阿迪劳恩 。我也一样。麻利点儿，要是倒下，就马上爬起来：五，七，九。好极啦！她有着一双顶好看的眼睛，一点不含糊。还有她那奶头和丰满的臀部。只有亲眼看了才能相信。你那双饥饿的眼睛和石膏的脖颈， 把我的心偷去了。噢，排精的气味。先生，土豆？又是风湿病吗？ 真是荒唐，请原谅我这么说。大家都这么认为。我看你可能是个大傻瓜。 呃，大夫？刚从拉普兰[ 342] 回来吗？您还是这么富态，贵体安康吧？老婆娃娃都好吗？尊夫人快生养了吧？站住，交出来。 口令。瞧那头发。 苍白的死亡和殷红的诞生。嘿！唾沫溅到你眼睛里去啦，老板！打给戏子的电报。从梅瑞狄斯那儿剽窃来的。 以耶稣自居的那个患了睪丸炎、满是臭虫跳蚤的耶稣会会士！我姨妈给金赤他爹去了信，说坏透了的斯蒂芬把好极了的玛拉基带上邪路啦。
晦，小伙子，抓住球[ 347] ！把那啤酒递过来。为了勇敢的苏格兰长久沸腾。[ 349] 我的烈酒。谢谢。祝咱们大家健康。怎么样？犯了规。别把我这条新裤子弄脏了。喂，给我撤上点儿那边的胡椒粉。喏，接着。带上芷茴香籽儿 。你明白吗？沉默的喊叫。每个汉子都去找自己的漂亮姑娘。 肉欲维纳斯 。小妇人们。 来自穆林加尔镇的厚脸皮的坏姑娘 。告诉她，我打听她来着。搂着萨拉的腰肢。通往马拉海德 的路上。我吗？勾引我的那个女人，哪怕留下名字也好。你花九便士要买什么？我的心，我的小坛子 。跟放荡的窑姐儿搞一通。一块儿摇桨。退场 ！
对，可不是嘛。你说啥？这是在非法的秘密酒店。完全喝醉啦。老弟。班塔姆，你已经有两天滴酒未沾了。除了红葡萄酒，啥也不喝。[ 363] 。给我滚！瞧一眼吧，务必瞧瞧。天哪，不会吧！他刚去过理发馆。[ 364] 喝得太多，连话都说不出来啦。跟车站上的一个家伙在一块儿。你怎么知道的？他爱听歌剧吗？《卡斯蒂利亚的玫瑰》。并排的铸 。叫警察来呀！给这位晕过去的先生拿点儿水来。瞧瞧班塔姆有多么年轻。哎呀，他哼起来啦。金发少女。我的金发少女 。喂，停下吧！用手使劲捂住他那肮脏的嘴巴。本来他是蛮有把握的， 只因为我跟他暗通消息，告诉了他“绝对可靠的事“，这才砸了锅。就欠让魔鬼掰掉脑袋[367 ]的斯蒂芬·汉德这个家伙塞给了我一匹劣马。 他遇见一个从练马场替巴思老板往仓库送电报的人。他给了那人四便士，借着蒸气私拆了那封电报。“母马竞技状态良好。“[ 368] 好比是花金币买醋栗。这是一种骗局。《福音书》中的真理。莫非是恶劣的消遣吗？我想是这样的。没错儿。要是被警察当作猎物逮住了，就得去坐牢。 马登把赌注下在马登骑的那匹马上了，发疯地下赌注。啊，肉欲，我们的避难所和力量。 开溜啦。你非走不可吗？回到妈妈那儿去。付账。 可别让人瞧出我的脸盘儿发红。要是给他发现了，就完蛋啦。回家去吧，班塔姆。再见，老伙计。别忘记给老婆捎立金花去。老老实实告诉我，是谁把小公马的事儿透露给你的？这只是你我之间的悄悄话。不瞒你说，凭着圣托马斯发誓，是她的丈夫。不骗你，是利奥那个老家伙。我发誓，真格的。要是我撒了谎，就让我粉身碎骨。我对着神圣的大托钵修士发誓。你为啥没有告诉我？哼， 倘若不是那个犹太人的奷计，就让我暴死。凭着上主阴茎发誓，啊们。你要提议吗？斯蒂夫老弟，你再破费点儿也成吧？他妈的，还喝得下去吧？你这个出手无比大方的东道主，肯让这开始得如此豪华的酒宴散席吗？要知道，你请来的客人个个都是极度贫困、 渴得厉害的啊。总得喘口气。老板，老板，你有好酒吗，斯塔布？喂，老板，让咱们开开斋。请大家尽情地喝吧。好的，老板！给每人斟杯苦艾酒。咱们个个喝绿毒，谁来迟了就倒楣。打烊了，先生们，呃？给那神气活现的布卢姆来杯朗姆酒， 我听你说过葱头 ？布卢？那个兜揽广告的？那个照相姑娘的爹，这可让我吃了一惊。小声点儿，伙计。悄悄地溜掉吧。各位，晚安卫我于梅毒魔鬼。那个花花公子和女模女样的家伙哪儿去啦？上当了吧？逃走了。啊，好的，你们爱到哪儿就到哪儿去吧。将军。王移到象的位置。善良的基督徒，请你帮助这个被朋友夺走住处钥匙的小伙子找个今晚睡觉的地方。唷，我快要酩酊大醉啦。妈的，我敢说这是最好的、最开心的假日。喂。伙计，给这孩子几块点心。扯蛋，我才不吃那白兰地夹心糖呢！那是哄女人孩子的，我才不吃呢！把海毒丢到地狱里去吧。连同那领了执照的烈性酒。时间到了，先生们！祝大家健康！祝你！
天哪；！那边穿胶布雨衣的家伙究竟是谁呀？达斯蒂·罗兹，瞧他那身打扮。可真神气。他在吃啥？六十周年纪念羊肉 。对着詹姆斯发誓， 像是喝牛肉汁。真想吃上点儿。你认识那个穿旧短袜的吗？里奇蒙 那个下流讨厌的怪家伙吗？痛苦得很哪！他认定自己的阴茎里有颗子弹。胡言乱语的疯子。我们称他作“面包巴特尔“ 。先生，他曾经是个家道兴旺的市民。穿破衣服的男人娶了个孤女 。可是姑娘逃之夭夭。瞧，就是那个被遗弃的男人。穿着件胶布雨衣在寂寞的峡谷里徜徉。 喝完酒就去睡吧，规定的时间到了，盯着点儿警察。对不起，你今天在葬礼上瞧见他了吗？是你那个翘了辫子的伙伴吗？天主啊，对他发发慈悲吧！可怜的孩子们！波德老兄，千万别说下去啦！莫非因为朋友帕德尼 被装在黑口袋里运走了，你们就泪如雨下吗？在所有的黑人当中，帕特是最好的一个。我平生没见过这么好的一个人。别说了，别说了， 然而这是个非常可悲的故事，千真万确。唉呀，滚！在九分之一坡度的地方翻了车。活动车轴碎得一塌糊涂。杰纳齐准定会彻底打败他的。 日本佬吗？朝高角度开炮，是吗？据战时号外，给击沉了。他说，形势对俄国有利，而不是日本。 到时间了。十一点啦，走吧。前进， 醉得脚步蹒跚的人们！晚安。晚安。但愿至尊的真主今晚大力保护你的灵魂。喂，留点神！我们一点儿也没醉。 是利斯的警察把我们撵走的。[ 395] 一点儿也不宽容。小心，那家伙要呕吐啦。他觉得恶心。哇！晚安。蒙娜，我真诚的宝贝。哇！蒙娜，我的心肝儿宝贝。 噢！
DESHIL HOLLES EAMUS. DESHIL HOLLES EAMUS. DESHIL HOLES Eamus.
Send us, bright one, light one, Horhorn, quickening and wombfruit. Send us, bright one, light one, Horhorn, quickening and wombfruit. Send us bright one, light one, Horhorn, quickening and wombfruit.
Hoopsa, boyaboy, hoopsa! Hoopsa, hoyaboy, hoopsa! Hoopsa, boyaboy, hoopsa.
Universally that person's acumen is esteemed very little perceptive concerning whatsoever matters are being held as most profitable by mortals with sapience endowed to be studied who is ignorant of that which the most in doctrine erudite and certainly by reason of that in them high mind's ornament deserving of veneration constantly maintain when by general consent they affirm that other circumstances being equal by no exterior splendour is the prosperity of a nation more efficaciously asserted than by the measure of how far forward may have progressed the tribute of its solicitude for that proliferent continuance which of evils the original if it be absent when fortunately present constitutes the certain sign of omnipollent nature's incorrupted benefaction. For who is there who anything of some significance has apprehended but is conscious that that exterior splendour may be the surface of a downwardtending lutulent reality or on the contrary anyone so is there inilluminated as not to perceive that as no nature's boon can contend against the bounty of increase so it behoves every most just citizen to become the exhortator and admonisher of his semblables and to tremble lest what had in the past been by the nation excellently commenced might be in the future not with similar excellence accomplished if an inverecund habit shall have gradually traduced the honourable by ancestors transmitted customs to that thither of profundity that that one was audacious excessively who would have the hardihood to rise affirming that no more odious offence can for anyone be than to oblivious neglect to consign that evangel simultaneously command and promise which on all mortals with prophecy of abundance or with diminution's menace that exalted of reiteratedly procreating function ever irrevocably enjoined?
It is not why therefore we shall wonder if, as the best historians relate, among the Celts, who nothing that was not in its nature admirable admired, the art of medicine shall have been highly honoured. Not to speak of hostels, leperyards, sweating chambers, plaguegraves, their greatest doctors, the O'Shiels, the O'Hickeys, the O'Lees, have sedulously set down the divers methods by which the sick and the relapsed found again health whether the malady had been trembling withering or loose boyconnell flux. Certainly in every public work which in it anything of gravity contains preparation should be with importance commensurate and therefore a plan was by them adopted (whether by having preconsidered or as the maturation of experience it is difficult in being said which the discrepant opinions of subsequent inquirers are not up to the present congrued to render manifest) whereby maternity was so far from all accident possibility removed that whatever care the patient in that allhardest of woman hour chiefly required and not solely for the copiously opulent but also for her who not being sufficiently moneyed scarcely and often not even scarcely could subsist valiantly and for an inconsiderable emolument was provided.
To her nothing already then and thenceforward was anyway able to be molestful for this chiefly felt all citizens except with proliferent mothers prosperity at all not to can be and as they had received eternity gods mortals generation to befit them her beholding, when the case was so having itself, parturient in vehicle the reward carrying desire immense among all one another was impelling on of her to be received into that domicile. O thing of prudent nation not merely in being seen but also even in being related worthy of being praised that they her by anticipation went seeing mother, that she by them suddenly to be about to be cherished had been begun she felt!
Before born babe bliss had. Within womb won he worship. Whatever in that one case done commodiously done was. A couch by midwives attended with wholesome food reposeful cleanest swaddles as though forthbringing were now done and by wise foresight set: but to this no less of what drugs there is need and surgical implements which are pertaining to her case not omitting aspect of all very distracting spectacles in various latitudes by our terrestrial orb offered together with images, divine and human, the cogitation of which by sejunct females is to tumescence conducive or eases issue in the high sunbright wellbuilt fair home of mothers when, ostensibly far gone and reproductitive, it is come by her thereto to lie in, her term up.
Some man that wayfaring was stood by housedoor at night's oncoming. Of Israel's folk was that man that on earth wandering far had fared. Stark ruth of man his errand that him lone led till that house.
Of that house A. Horne is lord. Seventy beds keeps he there teeming mothers are wont that they lie for to thole and bring forth bairns hale so God's angel to Mary quoth. Watchers they there walk, white sisters in ward sleepless. Smarts they still sickness soothing: in twelve moons thrice an hundred. Truest bedthanes they twain are, for Horne holding wariest ward.
In ward wary the watcher hearing come that man mild-hearted eft rising with swire ywimpled to him her gate wide undid. Lo, levin leaping lightens in eyeblink Ireland's westward welkin! Full she dread that God the Wreaker all mankind would fordo with water for his evil sins. Christ's rood made she on breastbone and him drew that he would rathe infare under her thatch. That man her will wotting worthful went in Horne's house.
Loth to irk in Horne's hall hat holding the seeker stood. On her stow he ere was living with dear wife and lovesome daughter that then over land and seafloor nine year had long outwandered. Once her in townhithe meeting he to her bow had not doffed. Her to forgive now he craved with good ground of her allowed that that of him swiftseen face, hers, so young then had looked. Light swift her eyes kindled, bloom of blushes his word winning.
As her eyes then ongot his weeds swart therefor sorrow she feared. Glad after she was that ere adread was. Her he asked if O'Hare Doctor tidings sent from far coast and she with grameful sigh him answered that O'Hare Doctor in heaven was. Sad was the man that word to hear that him so heavied in bowels ruthful. All she there told him, ruing death for friend so young, algate sore unwilling God's rightwiseness to withsay. She said that he had a fair sweet death through God His goodness with masspriest to be shriven, holy housel and sick men's oil to his limbs. The man then right earnest asked the nun of which death the dead man was died and the nun answered him and said that he was died in Mona island through bellycrab three year agone come Childermas and she prayed to God the Allruthful to have his dear soul in his undeathliness. He heard her sad words, in held hat sad staring. So stood they there both awhile in wanhope, sorrowing one with other.
Therefore, everyman, look to that last end that is thy death and the dust that gripeth on every man that is born of woman for as he came naked forth from his mother's womb so naked shall he wend him at the last for to go as he came.
The man that was come into the house then spoke to the nursingwoman and he asked her how it fared with the woman that lay there in childbed. The nursingwoman answered him and said that that woman was in throes now full three days and that it would be a hard birth unneth to bear but that now in a little it would be. She said thereto that she had seen many births of women but never was none so hard as was that woman's birth. Then she set it forth all to him that time was had lived nigh that house. The man hearkened to her words for he felt with wonder women's woe in the travail that they have of motherhood and he wondered to look on her face that was a young face for any man to see but yet was she left after long years a handmaid. Nine twelve bloodflows chiding her childless.
And whiles they spake the door of the castle was opened and there nighed them a mickle noise as of many that sat there at meat. And there came against the place as they stood a young learning knight yclept Dixon. And the traveller Leopold was couth to him sithen it had happed that they had had ado each with other in the house of misericord where this learning knight lay by cause the traveller Leopold came there to be healed for he was sore wounded in his breast by a spear wherewith a horrible and dreadful dragon was smitten him for which he did do make a salve of volatile salt and chrism as much as he might suffice. And he said now that he should go into that castle for to make merry with them that were there. And the traveller Leopold said that he should go otherwhither for he was a man of cautels and a subtle. Also the lady was of his avis and reproved the learning knight though she trowed well that the traveller had said thing that was false for his subtility. But the learning knight would not hear say nay nor do her mandement ne have him in aught contrarious to his list and he said how it was a marvellous castle. And the traveller Leopold went into the castle for to rest him for a space being sore of limb after many marches environing in divers lands and sometimes venery.
And in the castle was set a board that was of the birchwood of Finlandy and it was upheld by four dwarfmen of that country but they durst not move for enchantment. And on this board were frightful swords and knives that are made in a great cavern by swinking demons out of white flames that they fix in the horns of buffalos and stags that there abound marvellously. And there were vessels that are wrought by magic of Mahound out of seasand and the air by a warlock with his breath that he blares into them like to bubbles. And full fair cheer and rich was on the board that no wight could devise a fuller ne richer. And there was a vat of silver that was moved by craft to open in the which lay strange fishes withouten heads though misbelieving men nie that this be possible thing without they see it natheless they are so. And these fishes lie in an oily water brought there from Portugal land because of the fatness that therein is like to the juices of the olive press. And also it was marvel to see in that castle how by magic they make a compost out of fecund wheat kidneys out of Chaldee that by aid of certain angry spirits that they do into it swells up wondrously like to a vast mountain. And they teach the serpents there to entwine themselves up on long sticks out of the ground and of the scales of these serpents they brew out a brewage like to mead.
And the learning knight let pour for childe Leopold a draught and halp thereto the while all they that were there drank every each. And childe Leopold did up his beaver for to pleasure him and took apertly somewhat in amity for he never drank no manner of mead which he then put by and anon full privily he voided the more part in his neighbour glass and his neighbour wist not of his wile. And he sat down in that castle with them for to rest him there awhile. Thanked be Almighty God.
This meanwhile this good sister stood by the door and begged them at the reverence of Jesu our alther liege lord to leave their wassailing for there was above one quick with child a gentle dame, whose time hied fast. Sir Leopold heard on the upfloor cry on high and he wondered what cry that it was whether of child or woman and I marvel, said he, that it be not come or now. Meseems it dureth overlong. And he was ware and saw a franklin that hight Lenehan on that side the table that was older than any of the tother and for that they both were knights virtuous in the one emprise and eke by cause that he was elder he spoke to him full gently. But, said he, or it be long too she will bring forth by God His bounty and have joy of her childing for she hath waited marvellous long. And the franklin that had drunken said, Expecting each moment to be her next. Also he took the cup that stood tofore him for him needed never none asking nor desiring of him to drink and, Now drink, said he, fully delectably, and he quaffed as far as he might to their both's health for he was a passing good man of his lustiness. And sir Leopold that was the goodliest guest that ever sat in scholars' hall and that was the meekest man and the kindest that ever laid husbandly hand under hen and that was the very truest knight of the world one that ever did minion service to lady gentle pledged him courtly in the cup. Woman's woe with wonder pondering.
Now let us speak of that fellowship that was there to the intent to be drunken an they might. There was a sort of scholars along either side the board, that is to wit, Dixon yclept junior of saint Mary Merciable's with other his fellows Lynch and Madden, scholars of medicine, and the franklin that high! Lenehan and one from Alba Longa, one Crotthers, and young Stephen that had mien of a frere that was at head of the board and Costello that men clepen Punch Costello all long of a mastery of him erewhile gested (and of all them, reserved young Stephen, he was the most drunken that demanded still of more mead) and beside the meek sir Leopold. But on young Malachi they waited for that he promised to have come and such as intended to no goodness said how he had broke his avow. And sir Leopold sat with them for he bore fast friendship to sir Simon and to this his son young Stephen and for that his languor becalmed him there after longest wanderings insomuch as they feasted him for that time in the honourablest manner. Ruth red him, love led on with will to wander, loth to leave.
For they were right witty scholars. And he heard their aresouns each gen other as touching birth and righteousness, young Madden maintaining that put such case it were hard the wife to die (for so it had fallen out a matter of some year agone with a woman of Eblana in Horne's house that now was trespassed out of this world and the self night next before her death all leeches and pothecaries had taken counsel of her case). And they said farther she should live because in the beginning they said the woman should bring forth in pain and wherefore they that were of this imagination affirmed how young Madden had said truth for he had conscience to let her die. And not few and of these was young Lynch were in doubt that the world was now right evil governed as it was never other howbeit the mean people believed it otherwise but the law nor his judges did provide no remedy. A redress God grant. This was scant said but all cried with one acclaim nay, by our Virgin Mother, the wife should live and the babe to die. In colour whereof they waxed hot upon that head what with argument and what for their drinking but the franklin Lenehan was prompt each when to pour them ale so that at the least way mirth might not lack. Then young Madden showed all the whole affair and when he said how that she was dead and how for holy religion sake by rede of palmer and bedesman and for a vow he had made to Saint Ultan of Arbraccan her goodman husband would not let her death whereby they were all wondrous grieved. To whom young Stephen had these words following, Murmur, sirs, is eke oft among lay folk. Both babe and parent now glorify their Maker, the one in limbo gloom, the other in purge fire. But, gramercy, what of those Godpossibled souls that we nightly unpossibilise, which is the sin against the Holy Ghost, Very God, Lord and Giver of Life? For, sirs, he said, our lust is brief. We are means to those small creatures within us and nature has other ends than we. Then said Dixon junior to Punch Costello wist he what ends. But he had overmuch drunken and the best word he could have of him was that he would ever dishonest a woman whoso she were or wife or maid or leman if it so fortuned him to be delivered of his spleen of lustihead. Whereat Crotthers of Alba Longa sang young Malachi's praise of that beast the unicorn how once in the millennium he cometh by his horn the other all this while pricked forward with their jibes wherewith they did malice him, witnessing all and several by saint Foutinus his engines that he was able to do any manner of thing that lay in man to do. Thereat laughed they all right jocundly only young Stephen and sir Leopold which never durst laugh too open by reason of a strange humour which he would not bewray and also ford that he rued for her that bare whoso she might be or wheresoever. Then spoke young Stephen orgulous of mother Church that would cast him out of her bosom, of law of canons, of Lilith, patron of abortions, of bigness wrought by wind of seeds of brightness or by potency of vampires mouth to mouth or, as Virgilius saith, by the influence of the occident or by the reek of moonflower or an she lie with a woman which her man has but lain with effectu secuto, or peradventure in her bath according to the opinions of Averroes and Moses Maimonides. He said also how at the end of the second month a human soul was infused and how in all our holy mother foldeth ever souls for God's greater glory whereas that earthly mother which was but a dam to bring forth beastly should die by canon for so saith he that holdeth the fisherman's seal, even that blessed Peter on which rock was holy church for all ages founded. All they bachelors then asked of sir Leopold would he in like case so jeopard her person as risk life to save life. A wariness of mind he would answer as fitted all and, laying hand to jaw, he said dissembling, as his wont was, that as it was informed him, who had ever loved the art of physic as might a layman, and agreeing also with his experience of so seldom seen an accident it was good for that Mother Church belike at one blow had birth and death pence and in such sort deliverly he scaped their questions. That is truth, pardy, said Dixon, and, or I err, a pregnant word. Which hearing young Stephen was a marvellous glad man and he averred that he who stealeth from the poor lendeth to the Lord for he was of a wild manner when he was drunken and that he was now in that taking it appeared eftsoons.
But sir Leopold was passing grave maugre his word by cause he still had pity of the terrorcausing shrieking of shrill women in their labour and as he was minded of his good lady Marion that had borne him an only manchild which on his eleventh day on live had died and no man of art could save so dark is destiny. And she was wondrous stricken of heart for that evil hap and for his burial did him on a fair corselet of lamb's wool, the flower of the flock, lest he might perish utterly and lie akeled (for it was then about the midst of the winter) and now sir Leopold that had of his body no manchild for an heir looked upon him his friend's son and was shut up in sorrow for his forepassed happiness and as sad as he was that him failed a son of such gentle courage (for all accounted him of real parts) so grieved he also in no less measure for young Stephen for that he lived riotously with those wastrels and murdered his goods with whores.
About that present time young Stephen filled all cups that stood empty so as there remained but little mo if the prudenter had not shadowed their approach from him that still plied it very busily who, praying for the intentions of the sovereign pontiff, he gave them for a pledge the vicar of Christ which also as he said is vicar of Bray. Now drink we, quod he, of this mazer and quaff ye this mead which is not indeed parcel of my body but my soul's bodiment. Leave ye fraction of bread to them that live by bread alone. Be not afeard neither for any want for this will comfort more than the other will dismay. See ye here. And he showed them glistering coins of the tribute and goldsmiths' notes the worth of two pound nineteen shilling that he had, he said, for a song which he writ. They all admired to see the foresaid riches in such dearth of money as was herebefore. His words were then these as followeth: Know all men, he said, time's ruins build eternity's mansions. What means this? Desire's wind blasts the thorntree but after it becomes from a bramblebush to be a rose upon the rood of time. Mark me now. In woman's womb word is made flesh but in the spirit of the maker all flesh that passes becomes the word that shall not pass away. This is the postcreation. Omnis cam ad te veniet. No question but her name is puissant who aventried the dear corse of our Agenbuyer, Healer and Herd, our mighty mother and mother most venerable and Bernardus saith aptly that she hath an omnipotentiam deiparae supplicem, that is to wit, an almightiness of petition because she is the second Eve and she won us, saith Augustine too, whereas that other, our grandam, which we are linked up with by successive anastomosis of navelcords sold us all, seed, breed and generation, for a penny pippin. But here is the matter now. Or she knew him, that second I say, and was but creature of her creature, vergine madre figlia di tuo figlio or she knew him not and then stands she in the one denial or ignorancy with Peter Piscator who lives in the house that Jack built and with Joseph the Joiner patron of the happy demise of all unhappy marriages parce que M. Léo Taxil nous a dit que qui l'avait mise dans cette fichue position c'était le sacré pigeon, ventre de Dieu! Entweder transsubstantiality oder consubstantiality but in no case subsubstantiality. And all cried out upon It for a very scurvy word. A pregnancy without joy, he said, a birth without pangs, a body without blemish, a belly without bigness. Let the lewd with faith and fervour worship. With will will we withstand, withsay.
Hereupon Punch Costello dinged with his fist upon the board and would sing a bawdy catch Staboo Stabella about a wench that was put in pod of a jolly swashbuckler in Almany which he did now attack: The first three months she was not well, Staboo, when here nurse Quigley from the door angerly bid them hist ye should shame you nor was it not meet as she remembered them being her mind was to have all orderly against lord Andrew came for because she was jealous that not gasteful turmoil might shorten the honour of her guard. It was an ancient and a sad matron of a sedate look and christian walking, in habit dun beseeming her megrims and wrinkled visage, nor did her hortative want of it effect for incontinently Punch Costello was of them all embraided and they reclaimed the churl with civil rudeness some and with menace of blandishments others whiles all chode with him, a murrain seize the dolt, what a devil he would be at, thou chuff, thou puny, thou got in the peasestraw, thou losel, thou chitterling, thou spawn of a rebel, thou dykedropt, thou abortion thou, to shut up his drunken drool out of that like a curse of God ape, the good sir Leopold that had for his cognisance the flower of quiet, margerain gentle, advising also the time's occasion as most sacred and most worthy to be most sacred. In Horne's house rest should reign.
To be short this passage was scarce by when Master Dixon of Mary in Eccles, goodly grinning, asked young Stephen what was the reason why he had not cided to take friar's vows and he answered him obedience in the womb, chastity in the tomb but involuntary poverty all his days. Master Lenehan at this made return that he had heard of those nefarious deeds and how, as he heard hereof counted, he had besmirched the lily virtue of a confiding female which was corruption of minors and they all intershowed it too, waxing merry and toasting to his fathership. But he said very entirely it was clean contrary to their suppose for he was the eternal son and ever virgin. Thereat mirth grew in them the more and they rehearsed to him his curious rite of wedlock for the disrobing and deflowering of spouses, as the priests use in Madagascar island, she to be in guise of white and saffron, her groom in white and grain, with burning of nard and tapers, on a bridebed while clerks sung kyries and the anthem Ut novetur sexus omnis corporis mysterium till she was there unmaided. He gave them then a much admirable hymen minim by those delicate poets Master John Fletcher and Master Francis Beaumont that is in their Maid's Tragedy that was writ for a like twining of lovers: To bed, to bed, was the burden of it to be played with accompanable concent upon the virginals. An exquisite dulcet epithalame of most mollificative suadency for juveniles amatory whom the odoriferous flambeaus of the paranymphs have escorted to the quadrupedal proscenium of connubial communion. Well met they were, said Master Dixon, joyed, but, harkee, young sir, better were they named Beau Mount and Lecher for, by my truth, of such a mingling much might come. Young Stephen said indeed to his best remembrance they had but the one doxy between them and she of the stews to make shift with in delights amorous for life ran very high in those days and the custom of the country approved with it. Greater love than this, he said, no man hath that a man lay down his wife for his friend. Go thou and do likewise. Thus, or words to that effect, said Zarathustra, sometime regius professor of French letters to the university of Oxtail nor breathed there ever that man to whom mankind was more beholden. Bring a stranger within thy tower it will go hard but thou wilt have the secondbest bed. Orate, fratres, pro memetipso. And all the people shall say, Amen. Remember, Erin, thy generations and thy days of old, how thou settedst little by me and by my word and broughtest in a stranger to my gates to commit fornication in my sight and to wax fat and kick like Jeshurum. Therefore hast thou sinned against the light and hast made me, thy lord, to be the slave of servants. Return, return, Clan Milly: forget me not, O Milesian. Why hast thou done this abomination before me that thou didst spurn me for a merchant of jalaps and didst deny me to the Roman and the Indian of dark speech with whom thy daughters did lie luxuriously? Look forth now, my people, upon the land of behest, even from Horeb and from Nebo and from Pisgah and from the Horns of Hatten unto a land flowing with milk and money. But thou hast suckled me with a bitter milk: my moon and my sun thou hast quenched for ever. And thou hast left me alone for ever in the dark ways of my bitterness: and with a kiss of ashes hast thou kissed my mouth. This tenebrosity of the interior, he proceeded to say, hath not been illumined by the wit of the septuagint nor so much as mentioned for the Orient from on high which brake hell's gates visited a darkness that was foraneous. Assuefaction minorates atrocities (as Tully saith of his darling Stoics) and Hamlet his father showeth the prince no blister of combustion. The adiaphane in the noon of life is an Egypt's plague which in the nights of prenativity and postmortemity is their most proper ubi and quomodo. And as the ends and ultimates of all things accord in some mean and measure with their inceptions and originals, that same multiplicit concordance which leads forth growth from birth accomplishing by a retrogressive metamorphosis that minishing and ablation towards the final which is agreeable unto nature so is it with our subsolar being. The aged sisters draw us into life: we wail, batten, sport, clip, clasp, sunder, dwindle, die: over us dead they bend. First saved from water of old Nile, among bulrushes, a bed of fasciated wattles: at last the cavity of a mountain, an occulted sepulchre amid the conclamation of the hillcat and the ossifrage. And as no man knows the ubicity of his tumulus nor to what processes we shall thereby be ushered nor whether to Tophet or to Edenville in the like way is all hidden when we would backward see from what region of remoteness the whatness of our whoness hath fetched his whenceness.
Thereto Punch Costello roared out mainly Etienne chanson but he loudly bid them lo, wisdom hath built herself a house, this vast majestic longstablished vault, the crystal palace of the Creator all in applepie order, a penny for him who finds the pea.
Behold the mansion reared by dedal Jack,
See the malt stored in many a refluent sack,
In the proud cirque of Jackjohn's bivouac.
A black crack of noise in the street here, alack, bawled, back. Loud on left Thor thundered: in anger awful the hammerhurler. Came now the storm that hist his heart. And Master Lynch bade him have a care to flout and witwanton as the god self was angered for his hellprate and paganry. And he that had erst challenged to be so doughty waxed pale as they might all mark and shrank together and his pitch that was before so haught uplift was now of a sudden quite plucked down and his heart shook within the cage of his breast as he tasted the rumour of that storm. Then did some mock and some jeer and Punch Costello fell hard again to his yale which Master Lenehan vowed he would do after and he was indeed but a word and a blow on any the least colour. But the braggart boaster cried that an old Nobodaddy was in his cups it was muchwhat indifferent and he would not lag behind his lead. But this was only to dye his desperation as cowed he crouched in Horne's hall. He drank indeed at one draught to pluck up a heart of any grace for it thundered long rumblingly over all the heavens so that Master Madden, being godly certain whiles, knocked him on his ribs upon that crack of doom and Master Bloom, at the braggart's side spoke to him calming words to slumber his great fear, advertising how it was no other thing but a hubbub noise that he heard, the discharge of fluid from the thunderhead, look you, having taken place, and all of the order of a natural phenomenon.
But was young Boasthard's fear vanquished by Calmer's words? No, for he had in his bosom a spike named Bitterness which could not by words be done away. And was he then neither calm like the one nor godly like the other? He was neither as much as he would have liked to be either. But could he not have endeavoured to have found again as in his youth the bottle Holiness that then he lived withal? Indeed not for Grace was not there to find that bottle. Heard he then in that clap the voice of the god Bringforth or, what Calmer said, a hubbub of Phenomenon? Heard? Why, he could not but hear unless he had plugged up the tube Understanding (which he had not done). For through that tube he saw that he was in the land of Phenomenon where he must for a certain one day die as he was like the rest too a passing show. And would he not accept to die like the rest and pass away? By no means would he and make more shows according as men do with wives which Phenomenon has commanded them to do by the book Law. Then wotted he nought of that other land which is called Believe-on-Me, that is the land of promise which behoves to the king Delightful and shall be for ever where there is no death and no birth neither wiving nor mothering at which all shall come as many as believe on it? Yes, Pious had told him of that land and Chaste had pointed him to the way but the reason was that in the way he fell in with a certain whore of an eyepleasing exterior whose name, she said, is Bird-in-the-Hand and she beguiled him wrongways from the true path by her flatteries that she said to him as, Ho, you pretty man, turn aside hither and I will show you a brave place, and she lay at him so flatteringly that she had him in her grot which is named Two-in-the-Bush or, by some learned, Carnal Concupiscence.
This was it what all that company that sat there at commons in Manse of Mothers the most lusted after and if they met with this whore Bird-in-the-Hand (which was within all foul plagues, monsters and a wicked devil) they would strain the last but they would make at her and know her. For regarding Believe-on-Me they said it was nought else but notion and they could conceive no thought of it for, first, Two-in-the-Bush whither she ticed them was the very goodliest grot and in it were four pillows on which were four tickets with these words printed on them, Pickaback and Topsyturvy and Shameface and Cheek by Jowl and, second, for that foul plague Allpox and the monsters they cared not for them, for Preservative had given them a stout shield of oxengut and, third, that they might take no hurt neither from Offspring that was that wicked devil by virtue of this same shield which was named Killchild. So were they all in their blind fancy, Mr Cavil and Mr Sometimes Godly, Mr Ape Swillale, Mr False Franklin, Mr Dainty Dixon, Young Boasthard and Mr Cautious Calmer. Wherein, O wretched company, were ye all deceived for that was the voice of the god that was in a very grievous rage that he would presently lift his arm and spill their souls for their abuses and their spillings done by them contrariwise to his word which forth to bring brenningly biddeth.
So Thursday sixteenth June Patk. Dignam laid in clay of an apoplexy and after hard drought, please God, rained, a bargeman coming in by water a fifty mile or thereabout with turf saying the seed won't sprout, fields athirst, very sadcoloured and stunk mightily, the quags and tofts too. Hard to breathe and all the young quicks clean consumed without sprinkle this long while back as no man remembered to be without. The rosy buds all gone brown and spread out blobs and on the hills nought but dry flags and faggots that would catch at first fire. All the world saying, for aught they knew, the big wind of last February a year that did havoc the land so pitifully a small thing beside this barrenness. But by and by, as said, this evening after sundown, the wind sitting in the west, biggish swollen clouds to be seen as the night increased and the weatherwise poring up at them and some sheet lightnings at first and after, past ten of the clock, one great stroke with a long thunder and in a brace of shakes all scamper pellmell within door for the smoking shower, the men making shelter for their straws with a clout or kerchief, womenfolk skipping off with kirtles catched up soon as the pour came. In Ely place, Baggot street, Duke's lawn, thence through Merrion green up to Holles street, a swash of water running that was before bonedry and not one chair or coach or fiacre seen about but no more crack after that first. Over against the Rt. Hon. Mr Justice Fitzgibbon's door (that is to sit with Mr Healy the lawyer upon the college lands) Mal. Mulligan a gentleman's gentleman that had but come from Mr Moore's the writer's (that was a papish but is now, folk say, a good Williamite) chanced against Alec. Bannon in a cut bob (which are now In with dance cloaks of Kendal green) that was new got to town from Mullingar with the stage where his coz and Mal M's brother will stay a month yet till Saint Swithin and asks what in the earth he does there, he bound home and he to Andrew Horne's being stayed for to crush a cup of wine, so he said, but would tell him of a skittish heifer, big of her age and beef to the heel and all this while poured with rain and so both together on to Horne's. There Leop. Bloom of Crawford's journal sitting snug with a covey of wags, likely brangling fellows, Dixon jun., scholar of my lady of Mercy, Vin. Lynch, a Scots fellow, Will. Madden, T. Lenehan, very sad for a racinghorse he fancied and Stephen D. Leop. Bloom there for a languor he had but was now better, he having dreamed tonight a strange fancy of his dame Mrs Moll with red slippers on in pair of Turkey trunks which is thought by those in ken to be for a change and Mistress Purefoy there, that got in through pleading her belly, and now on the stools, poor body, two days past her term, the midwives sore put to it and can't deliver, she queasy for a bowl of riceslop that is a shrewd drier up of the insides and her breath very heavy more than good and should be a bullyboy from the knocks they say, but God give her soon issue. 'Tis her ninth chick to live, I hear, and Lady day bit off her last chick's nails that was then a twelvemonth and with other three all breastfed that died written out in a fair hand in the king's bible. Her hub fifty odd and a methodist but takes the Sacrament and is to be seen any fair sabbath with a pair of his boys off Bullock harbour dapping on the sound with a heavybraked reel or in a punt he has trailing for flounder and pollock and catches a fine bag, I hear. In sum an infinite great fall of rain and all refreshed and will much increase the harvest yet those in ken say after wind and water fire shall come for a prognostication of Malachi's almanac (and I hear that Mr Russell has done a prophetical charm of the same gist out of the Hindustanish for his farmer's gazette) to have three things in all but this a mere fetch without bottom of reason for old crones and bairns yet sometimes they are found in the right guess with their queerities no telling how.
With this came up Lenehan to the feet of the table to say how the letter was in that night's gazette and he made a show to find it about him (for he swore with an oath that he had been at pains about it) but on Stephen's persuasion he gave over to search and was bidden to sit near by which he did mighty brisk. He was a kind of sport gentleman that went for a merryandrew or honest pickle and what belonged of woman, horseflesh, or hot scandal he had it pat. To tell the truth he was mean in fortunes and for the most part hankered about the coffeehouses and low taverns with crimps, ostlers, bookies, Paul's men, runners, flatcaps, waistcoateers, ladies of the bagnio and other rogues of the game or with a chanceable catchpole or a tipstaff often at nights till broad day of whom he picked up between his sackpossets much loose gossip. He took his ordinary at a boiling-cook's and if he had but gotten into him a mess of broken victuals or a platter of tripes with a bare tester in his purse he could always bring himself off with his tongue, some randy quip he had from a punk or whatnot that every mother's son of them would burst their sides. The other, Costello, that is, hearing this talk asked was it poetry or a tale. Faith, no, he says, Frank (that was his name), 'tis all about Kerry cows that are to be butchered along of the plague. But they can go hang, says he with a wink, for me with their bully beef, a pox on it. There's as good fish in this tin as ever came out of it and very friendly he offered to take of some salty sprats that stood by which he had eyed wishly in the meantime and found the place which was indeed the chief design of his embassy as he was sharpset. Mort aux vaches, says Frank then in the French language that had been indentured to a brandy shipper that has a winelodge in Bordeaux and he spoke French like a gentleman too. From a child this Frank had been a donought that his father, a headborough, who could ill keep him to school to learn his letters and the use of the globes, matriculated at the university to study the mechanics but he took the bit between his teeth like a raw colt and was more familiar with the justiciary and the parish beadle than with his volumes. One time he would be a playactor, then a sutler or a welsher, then nought would keep him from the bearpit and the cocking main, then he was for the ocean sea or to hoof it on the roads with the Romany folk, kidnapping a squire's heir by favour or moonlight or fecking maid's linen or choking chickens behind a hedge. He had been off as many times as a cat has lives and back again with naked pockets as many more to his father the headborough who shed a pint of tears as often as he saw him. What, says Mr Leopold with his hands across, that was earnest to know the drift of it, will they slaughter all? I protest I saw them but this day morning going to the Liverpool boats, says he. I can scarce believe 'tis so bad, says he. And he had experience of the like brood beasts and of springers, greasy hoggets and wether wools, having been some years before actuary for Mr Joseph Cuffe, a worthy salesmaster that drove his trade for live stock and meadow auctions hard by Mr Gavin Low's yard in Prussia street. I question with you there, says he. More like 'tis the hoose of the timber tongue. Mr Stephen, a little moved but very handsomely, told him no such matter and that he had dispatches from the emperor's chief tailtickler thanking him for the hospitality, that was sending over Doctor Rinderpest, the bestquoted cowcatcher in all Muscovy, with a bolus or two of physic to take the bull by the horns. Come, come, says Mr Vincent, plain dealing. He'll find himself on the horns of a dilemma if he meddles with a bull that's Irish, says he. Irish by name and Irish by nature, says Mr Stephen, and he sent the ale purling about. An Irish bull in an English chinashop. I conceive you, says Mr Dixon. It is that same bull that was sent to our island by farmer Nicholas, the bravest cattle breeder of them all, with an emerald ring in his nose. True for you, says Mr Vincent cross the table, and a bullseye into the bargain, says he, and a plumper and a portlier bull, says he, never shit on shamrock. He had horns galore, a coat of gold and a sweet smoky breath coming out of his nostrils so that the women of our island, leaving doughballs and rollingpins, followed after him hanging his bulliness in daisychains. What for that, says Mr Dixon, but before he came over farmer Nicholas that was a eunuch had him properly gelded by a college of doctors, who were no better off than himself. So be off now, says he, and do all my cousin german the Lord Harry tells you and take a farmer's blessing, and with that he slapped his posteriors very soundly. But the slap and the blessing stood him friend, says Mr Vincent, for to make up he taught him a trick worth two of the other so that maid, wife, abbess and widow to this day affirm that they would rather any time of the month whisper in his ear in the dark of a cowhouse or get a lick on the nape from his long holy tongue then lie with the finest strapping young ravisher in the four fields of all Ireland. Another then put in his word: And they dressed him, says he, in a point shift and petticoat with a tippet and girdle and ruffles on his wrists and clipped his forelock and rubbed him all over with spermacetic oil and built stables for him at every turn of the road with a gold manger in each full of the best hay in the market so that he could doss and dung to his heart's content. By this time the father of the faithful (for so they called him) was grown so heavy that he could scarce walk to pasture. To remedy which our cozening dames and damsels brought him his fodder in their apronlaps and as soon as his belly was full he would rear up on his hind quarters to show their ladyships a mystery and roar and bellow out of him in bull's language and they all after him. Ay, says another, and so pampered was he that he would suffer nought to grow in all the land but green grass for himself (for that was the only colour to his mind) and there was a board put up on a hillock in the middle of the island with a printed notice, saying: By the lord Harry green is the grass that grows on the ground. And, says Mr Dixon, if ever he got scent of a cattleraider in Roscommon or the wilds of Connemara or a husbandman in Sligo that was sowing as much as a handful of mustard or a bag of rapeseed out he run amok over half the countryside rooting up with his horns whatever was planted and all by lord Harry's orders. There was bad blood between them at first, says Mr Vincent, and the lord Harry called farmer Nicholas all the old Nicks in the world and an old whoremaster that kept seven trulls in his house and I'll meddle in his matters, says he. I'll make that animal smell hell, says he, with the help of that good pizzle my father left me. But one evening, says Mr Dixon, when the lord Harry was cleaning his royal pelt to go to dinner after winning a boatrace (he had spade oars for himself but the first rule of the course was that the others were to row with pitchforks) he discovered in himself a wonderful likeness to a bull and on picking up a blackthumbed chapbook that he kept in the pantry he found sure enough that he was a lefthanded descendant of the famous champion bull of the Romans, Bos Bovum, which is good bog Latin for boss of the show. After that, says Mr Vincent, the lord Harry put his head into a cow's drinking trough in the presence of all his courtiers and pulling it out again told them all his new name. Then, with the water running off him, he got into an old smock and skirt that had belonged to his grandmother and bought a grammar of the bull's language to study but he could never learn a word of it except the first personal pronoun which he copied out big and got off by heart and if ever he went out for a walk he filled his pockets with chalk to write it up on what took his fancy, the side of a rock or a teahouse table or a bale of cotton or a corkfloat. In short he and the bull of Ireland were soon as fast friends as an arse and a shirt. They were, says Mr Stephen, and the end was that the men of the island, seeing no help was toward as the ungrate women were all of one mind, made a wherry raft, loaded themselves and their bundles of chattels on shipboard, set all masts erect, manned the yards, sprang their luff, heaved to, spread three sheets in the wind, put her head between wind and water, weighed anchor, ported her helm, ran up the jolly Roger, gave three times three, let the bullgine run, pushed off in their bumboat and put to sea to recover the main of America. Which was the occasion, says Mr Vincent, of the composing by a boatswain of that rollicking chanty:
-- Pope Peter's but a pissabed.
A man's a man for a' that.
Our worthy acquaintance, Mr Malachi Mulligan, now appeared in the doorway as the students were finishing their apologue accompanied with a friend whom he had just rencountered, a young gentleman, his name Alec Bannon, who had late come to town, it being his intention to buy a colour or a cornetcy in the fencibles and list for the wars. Mr Mulligan was civil enough to express some relish of it all the more as it jumped with a project of his own for the cure of the very evil that had been touched on. Whereat he handed round to the company a set of pasteboard cards which he had had printed that day at Mr Quinnell's bearing a legend printed in fair italics: Mr Malachi Mulligan, Fertiliser and Incubator, Lambay Island. His project, as he went on to expound, was to withdraw from the round of idle pleasures such as form the chief business of sir Fopling Popinjay and sir Milksop Quidnunc in town and to devote himself to the noblest task for which our bodily organism has been framed. Well, let us hear of it, good my friend, said Mr Dixon. I make no doubt it smacks of wenching. Come, be seated, both. 'Tis as cheap sitting as standing. Mr Mulligan accepted of the invitation and, expatiating on his design, told his hearers that he had been led into this thought by a consideration of the causes of sterility, both the inhibitory and the prohibitory, whether the inhibition in its turn were due to conjugal vexations or to a parsimony of the balance as well as whether the prohibition proceeded from defects congenital or from proclivities acquired. It grieved him plaguily, he said, to see the nuptial couch defrauded of its dearest pledges: and to reflect upon so many agreeable females with rich jointures, a prey for the vilest bonzes, who hide their flambeau under a bushel in an uncongenial cloister or lose their womanly bloom in the embraces of some unaccountable muskin when they might multiply the inlets of happiness, sacrificing the inestimable jewel of their sex when a hundred pretty fellows were at hand to caress, this, he assured them, made his heart weep. To curb this inconvenience (which he concluded due to a suppression of latent heat), having advised with certain counsellors of worth and inspected into this matter, he had resolved to purchase in fee simple for ever the freehold of Lambay island from its holder, lord Talbot de Malahide, a Tory gentleman of not much in favour with our ascendancy party. He proposed to set up there a national fertilising farm to be named Omphalos with an obelisk hewn and erected after the fashion of Egypt and to offer his dutiful yeoman services for the fecundation of any female of what grade of life soever who should there direct to him with the desire of fulfilling the functions of her natural. Money was no object, he said, nor would he take a penny for his pains. The poorest kitchenwench no less than the opulent lady of fashion, if so be their constructions, and their tempers were warm persuaders for their petitions, would find in him their man. For his nutriment he shewed how he would feed himself exclusively upon a diet of savoury tubercles and fish and coneys there, the flesh of these latter prolific rodents being highly recommended for his purpose, both broiled and stewed with a blade of mace and a pod or two of capsicum chillies. After this homily which he delivered with much warmth of asseveration Mr Mulligan in a trice put off from his hat a kerchief with which he had shielded it. The both, it seems, had been overtaken by the rain and for all their mending their pace had taken water, as might be observed by Mr Mulligan's smallclothes of a hodden grey which was now somewhat piebald. His project meanwhile was very favourably entertained by his auditors and won hearty eulogies from all though Mr Dixon of Mary's excepted to it, asking with a finicking air did he purpose also to carry coals to Newcastle. Mr Mulligan however made court to the scholarly by an apt quotation from the classics which as it dwelt upon his memory seemed to him a sound and tasteful support of his contention: Talis ac tanta depravatio hujus seculi, O quirites, ut matres familiarum nostro lascivas cujuslibet semiviri libici titillationes testibus ponderosis atque excelsis erectionibus centurionum Romanorum magnopere anteponunt: while for those of ruder wit he drove home his point by analogies of the animal kingdom more suitable to their stomach, the buck and doe of the forest glade, the farmyard drake and duck.
Valuing himself not a little upon his elegance, being indeed a proper man of his person, this talkative now applied himself to his dress with animadversions of some heat upon the sudden whimsy of the atmospherics while the company lavished their encomiums upon the project he had advanced. The young gentleman, his friend, overjoyed as he was at a passage that had befallen him, could not forbear to tell it his nearest neighbour. Mr Mulligan, now perceiving the table, asked for whom were those loaves and fishes and, seeing the stranger, he made him a civil bow and said, Pray, sir, was you in need of any professional assistance we could give? Who, upon his offer, thanked him very heartily, though preserving his proper distance, and replied that he was come there about a lady, now an inmate of Horne's house, that was in an interesting condition, poor lady, from woman's woe (and here he fetched a deep sigh) to know if her happiness had yet taken place. Mr Dixon, to turn the table, took on to ask Mr Mulligan himself whether his incipient ventripotence, upon which he rallied him, betokened an ovoblastic gestation in the prostatic utricle or male womb or was due as with the noted physician, Mr Austin Meldon, to a wolf in the stomach. For answer Mr Mulligan, in a gale of laughter at his smalls, smote himself bravely below the diaphragm, exclaiming with an admirable droll mimic of Mother Grogan (the most excellent creature of her sex though 'tis pity she's a trollop): There's a belly that never bore a bastard. This was so happy a conceit that it renewed the storms of mirth and threw the whole room into the most violent agitations of delight. The spry rattle had run on in the same vein of mimicry but for some larum in the antechamber.
Here the listener, who was none other than the Scotch student, a little fume of a fellow, blond as tow, congratulated in the liveliest fashion with the young gentleman and, interrupting the narrative at a salient point, having desired his visavis with a polite beck to have the obligingness to pass him a flagon of cordial waters at the same time by a questioning pose of the head (a whole century of polite breeding had not achieved so nice a gesture) to which was united an equivalent but contrary balance of the head, asked the narrator as plainly as was ever done in words if he might treat him with a cup of it. Mais bien s?r, noble stranger, said he cheerily, et mille compliments. That you may and very opportunely. There wanted nothing but this cup to crown my felicity. But, gracious heaven, was I left with but a crust in my wallet and a cupful of water from the well, my God, I would accept of them and find it in my heart to kneel down upon the ground and give thanks to the powers above for the happiness vouchsafed me by the Giver of good things. With these words he approached the goblet to his lips, took a complacent draught of the cordial, slicked his hair and, opening his bosom, out popped a locket that hung from a silk riband that very picture which he had cherished ever since her hand had wrote therein. Gazing upon those features with a world of tenderness, Ah, Monsieur, he said, had you but beheld her as I did with these eyes at that affecting instant with her dainty tucker and her new coquette cap (a gift for her feast day as she told me) in such an artless disorder, of so melting a tenderness, 'pon my conscience, even you, Monsieur, had been impelled by generous nature to deliver yourself wholly into the hands of such an enemy or to quit the field for ever. I declare, I was never so touched in all my life. God I thank thee as the Author of my days! Thrice happy will he be whom so amiable a creature will bless with her favours. A sigh of affection gave eloquence to these words and, having replaced the locket in his bosom, he wiped his eye and sighed again. Beneficent Disseminator of blessing to all Thy creatures, how great and universal must be that sweetest of Thy tyrannies which can hold in thrall the free and the bond, the simple swain and the polished coxcomb, the lover in the heyday of reckless passion and the husband of maturer years. But indeed, sir, I wander from the point. How mingled and imperfect are all our sublunary joys! Maledicity! Would to God that foresight had remembered me to take my cloak along! I could weep to think of it. Then, though it had poured seven showers, we were neither of us a penny the worse. But beshrew me, he cried, clapping hand to his forehead, tomorrow will be a new day and, thousand thunders, I know of a marchand de capotes, Monsieur Poyntz, from whom I can have for a livre as snug a cloak of the French fashion as ever kept a lady from wetting. Tut, Tut! cries le Fécondateur, tripping in, my friend Monsieur Moore, that most accomplished traveller (I have just cracked a half bottle avec lui in a circle of the best wits of the town), is my authority that in Cape Horn, ventre biche, they have a rain that will wet through any, even the stoutest cloak. A drenching of that violence, he tells me, sans blague, has sent more than one luckless fellow in good earnest posthaste to another world. Pooh! A livre! cries Monsieur Lynch. The clumsy things are dear at a sou. One umbrella, were it no bigger than a fairy mushroom, is worth ten such stopgaps. No woman of any wit would wear one. My dear Kitty told me today that she would dance in a deluge before ever she would starve in such an ark of salvation for, as she reminded me (blushing piquantly and whispering in my ear though there was none to snap her words but giddy butterflies), dame Nature, by the divine blessing, has implanted it in our heart and it has become a household word that il y a deux choses for which the innocence of our original garb, in other circumstances a breach of the proprieties, is the fittest nay, the only, garment. The first, said she (and here my pretty philosopher, as I handed her to her tilbury, to fix my attention, gently tipped with her tongue the outer chamber of my ear), the first is a bath... but at this point a bell tinkling in the hall cut short a discourse which promised so bravely for the enrichment of our store of knowledge.
Amid the general vacant hilarity of the assembly a bell rang and while all were conjecturing what might be the cause Miss Callan entered and, having spoken a few words in a low tone to young Mr Dixon, retired with a profound bow to the company. The presence even for a moment among a party of debauchees of a woman endued with every quality of modesty and not less severe than beautiful refrained the humorous sallies even of the most licentious but her departure was the signal for an outbreak of ribaldry. Strike me silly, said Costello, a low fellow who was fuddled. A monstrous fine bit of cow-flesh! I'll be sworn she has rendezvoused you. What, you dog? Have you a way with them? Gad's bud. Immensely so, said Mr Lynch. The bedside manner it is that they use in the Mater hospice. Demme, does not Doctor O'Gargle chuck the nuns there under the chin? As I look to be saved I had it from my Kitty who has been wardmaid there any time these seven months. Lawksamercy, doctor, cried the young blood in the primrose vest, feigning a womanish simper and immodest squirmings of his body, how you do tease a body! Drat the man! Bless me, I'm all of a wibblywobbly. Why, you're as bad as dear little Father Cantekissem that you are! May this pot of four half choke me, cried Costello, if she ain't in the family way. I knows a lady what's got a white swelling quick as I claps eyes on her. The young surgeon, however, rose and begged the company to excuse his retreat as the nurse had just then informed him that he was needed in the ward. Merciful providence had been pleased to put a period to the sufferings of the lady who was enceinte which she had borne with a laudable fortitude and she had given birth to a bouncing boy. I want patience, said he, with those who without wit to enliven or learning to instruct, revile an ennobling profession which, saving the reverence due to the Deity, is the greatest power for happiness upon the earth. I am positive when I say that if need were I could produce a cloud of witnesses to the excellence of her noble exercitations which, so far from being a byword, should be a glorious incentive in the human breast. I cannot away with them. What? Malign such an one, the amiable Miss Callan, who is the lustre of her own sex and the astonishment of ours and at an instant the most momentous that can befall a puny child of clay? Perish the thought! I shudder to think of the future of a race where the seeds of such malice have been sown and where no right reverence is rendered to mother and maid in house of Horne. Having delivered himself of this rebuke he saluted those present on the by and repaired to the door. A murmur of approval arose from all and some were for ejecting the low soaker without more ado, a design which would have been effected nor would he have received more than his bare deserts had he not abridged his transgression by affirming with a horrid imprecation (for he swore a round hand) that he was as good a son of the true fold as ever drew breath. Stap my vitals, said he, them was always the sentiments of honest Frank Costello which I was bred up most particular to honour thy father and thy mother that had the best hand to a rolypoly or a hasty pudding as you ever see what I always looks back on with a loving heart.
To revert to Mr Bloom who, after his first entry, had been conscious of some impudent mocks which he, however, had borne with being the fruits of that age upon which it is commonly charged that it knows not pity. The young sparks, it is true, were as full of extravagancies as overgrown children: the words of their tumultuary discussions were difficultly understood and not often nice: their testiness and outrageous mots were such that his intellects resiled from: nor were they scrupulously sensible of the proprieties though their fund of strong animal spirits spoke in their behalf. But the word of Mr Costello was an unwelcome language for him for he nauseated the wretch that seemed to him a cropeared creature of a misshapen gibbosity born out of wedlock and thrust like a crookback teethed and feet first into the world, which the dint of the surgeon's pliers in his skull lent indeed a colour to, so as it put him in thought of that missing link of creation's chain desiderated by the late ingenious Mr Darwin. It was now for more than the middle span of our allotted years that he had passed through the thousand vicissitudes of existence and, being of a wary ascendancy and self a man of a rare forecast, he had enjoined his heart to repress all motions of a rising choler and, by intercepting them with the readiest precaution, foster within his breast that plenitude of sufferance which base minds jeer at, rash judgers scorn and all find tolerable and but tolerable. To those who create themselves wits at the cost of feminine delicacy (a habit of mind which he never did hold with) to them he would concede neither to bear the name nor to herit the tradition of a proper breeding: while for such that, having lost all forbearance, can lose no more, there remained the sharp antidote of experience to cause their insolency to beat a precipitate and inglorious retreat. Not but what he could feel with mettlesome youth which, caring nought for the mows of dotards or the gruntlings of the severe, is ever (as the chaste fancy of the Holy Writer express it) for eating of the tree forbid it yet not so far forth as to pretermit humanity upon any condition soever towards a gentlewoman when she was about her lawful occasions. To conclude, while from the sister's words he had reckoned upon a speedy delivery he was, however, it must be owned, not a little alleviated by the intelligence that the issue so auspicated after an ordeal of such duress now testified once more to the mercy as well as to the bounty of the Supreme Being.
Accordingly he broke his mind to his neighbour, saying that, to express his notion of the thing, his opinion (who ought not perchance to express one) was that one must have a cold constitution and a frigid genius not to be rejoiced by this freshest news of the fruition of her confinement since she had been in such pain through no fault of hers. The dressy young blade said it was her husband's that put her in that expectation or at least it ought to be unless she were another Ephesian matron. I must acquaint you, said Mr Crothers, clapping on the table so as to evoke a resonant comment of emphasis, old Glory Allelujerum was round again to-day, an elderly man with dundrearies, preferring through his nose a request to have word of Wilhelmina, my life, as he calls her. I bade him hold himself in readiness for that the event would burst anon. 'Slife, I'll be round with you. I cannot but extol the virile potency of the old bucko that could still knock another child out of her. All fell to praising of it, each after his own fashion, though the same young blade held with his former view that another than her conjugial had been the man in the gap, a clerk in orders, a linkboy (virtuous) or an itinerant vendor of articles needed in every household. Singular, communed the guest with himself, the wonderfully unequal faculty of metempsychosis possessed by them, that the puerperal dormitory and the dissecting theatre should be the seminaries of such frivolity, that the mere acquisition of academic titles should suffice to transform in a pinch of time these votaries of levity into exemplary practitioners of an art which most men anywise eminent have esteemed the noblest. But, he further added, it is mayhap to relieve the pentup feelings that in common oppress them for I have more than once observed that birds of a feather laugh together.
But with what fitness, let it be asked, of the noble lord, his patron, has this alien, whom the concession of a gracious prince has admitted to civil rights, constituted himself the lord paramount of our internal polity? Where is now that gratitude which loyalty should have counselled? During the recent war whenever the enemy had a temporary advantage with his granados did this traitor to his kind not seize that moment to discharge his piece against the empire of which he is a tenant at will while he trembled for the security of his four per cents? Has he forgotten this as he forgets all benef